How I Lose 10 Bucks Every March…

18 03 2009

Here is my official bracket for this years NCAA Tournament. If I had the money, I’d be wasting it again in a pool with a bunch of friends. However, since I have no job (no office pool) and I have no money, I am basically taking my skills to the internet.

Of course, since nothing is really on the line, this is the year I will win.

And here ya go!

bracket-picks1

Now, I like to enjoy a little fun here and there, so in keeping with tradition I started years ago I have created the “I Like” Bracket picks. These picks are based on me liking things. For example, I may like a team based on my childhood fandom. Or I knew a good friend who went to that school. I may be a diehard fan of that school. Or the girls are rumored to be really hot there. This is how I pick my “I Like” Bracket. It would be much like a girl picking based on mascot, or colors.

side note. This WILL NOT win me anything. But Its fun.
Here it is.
i-like-bracket

Let me break down this for ya…
MIDWEST
Morehead St over Louisville – for obvious reasons. What guy doesn’t like Morehead?? (ps, I’m the same dude in college who bought a S.Carolina Camecocks hat, because it said COCKS on it. I thought that was funny.)

Ohio St. over Siena – just because

Arizona over Utah – I’ve lived in Utah, and not a fan. Plus gotta stay true to my Mormon heritage, and root for BYU. Oh, and Arizona has hotter girls.

Wake over Cleveland St – just because

West Virginia over Dayton – just because

North Dakota St. over Kansas – Cause I hate Kansas.

USC over BC – I love Boston, but USC got a small place in my heart. They filmed Buffy there.

Michigan State over Robert Morris – just because.

ROUND 2.
Morehead over Ohio State – can’t help but giggle.

Zona over Wake – Hot girls.

West Virgina over N.Dakota St. – The mountaineers of this great country all but eliminated Bison from the map. Therefore, WVU.

USC over Michigan State – Battle of the Trojans. (innuendo implied)

Round 3
Morehead over Zona – obviously.

USC over West VirginiaSong girls get me every time.

Midwest ChampMorehead over USC.
Buffy, Song Girls, and other UBER hotness cant compete with Morehead. (not going to lie, that one made me chuckle a bit.)

WEST
UCONN over Chattanooga – this was close, cuase it’s fun to say Cattanooooooga!

BYU over Texas A&M – Mormon roots.

Purdue over N. Iowa – Nothing good came from Iowa except Field of Dreams

Miss. St. over WashingtonTed Bundy was a Huskie. I hate UW. Plus Miss St. are the Bulldogs.

Utah St. over Marqutte – I had an ex girlfriend that went to Utah St. She was a nice girl.

Cornell over Missouri – I just think of Andy from The Office when I think of Cornell now. That’s funny.

Cal over Maryland – I made out with this girl that wen to Maryland once. She was a raging bitch.

Memphis over Cal. St. Northridge – I remember one of the guys from Coach Carter went to Cal. St. Northridge. Wasn’t Ashanti in that? That can’t be very good for your program!

ROUND 2
UCONN over BYU – My Mormon roots only go so far.

Miss State over Purdue – Bulldog thing again.

Cornell over Utah St. – Andy from the Office. (it’s a different one!)

Memphis over Cal – just because.

ROUND 3
UCONN over Miss State – I think this is because my good friend attened UCONN and we have since watched many a UCONN game at Buffalo Wild Wings ( a favorite of mine.)

Cornell over Memphis – Man, this whole Andy thing is giving them quite the run.

WEST CHAMP
UCONN over Cornell – Andy is no match for Wild Wings and Beer. Oh and friends. Not the show, actual people in my life.

EAST
Pitt over East Tennesee – just because

Tennessee over Oklahoma St. – My dad was born in Tennessee

Wisconsin over Florida St. – I hate florida State, and Badgers are badass!

Portland St. over Xavier – no brainer.

UCLA over VCU – Commonwealth just sounds so weak. Like man up and become more. Geez.

American over Villanova – uhhh… I’m American. America, Fuck Ya!

Minnesota over Texas – While Texas has some hot girls, I hate UT with a passion.

Duke over Binghamton – just cause.

ROUND 2
Pitt over Tennessee – the Dad thing only gets you so far.

Portland State over Wisc – Badgers are no match for Vikings.

American over UCLA – There would be no UCLA without America!

DUKE over Minn – Cause I like Duke.

ROUND 3
Portland St over Pitt – Portland is Awesome.

American over Duke“I’m Proud to be an American..”

EAST CHAMPION
Portland St. over American – National Pride only goes so far people. Till it gets obnoxious and gives more reason for the French to hate us.

SOUTH
UNC over Radford – I almost picked Radford so I could use RAD the rest of the way…

Butler over LSU – Bulldogs. Plus purple is for the French

Illinois over Western KentuckyWKU’s mascot freaks me out a bit.

Gonzaga over Akron – Zags have been my team for years now. I’ve been let down many times before, and fear it’ll happen again! But not in the I Like Bracket.

Arizona St over TempleThe Cosby Factor helped Temple, but as we all know, hot girls trump the Cos.

Stephen F. Austin over Syracuse – This is AWESOME! Stone Cold Stephen F. Austin, gives Syracuse the Stone Cold Stunner!

Michigan over Clemson – been a fan of Michigan since I was little… got a Starter jacket to prove it.

Oklahoma over Morgan St. – just because.

ROUND 2
UNC over Butler – I like Carolina Blue.

Gonzaga over Illinois – Bulldogs again. And I hate Orange as a team color.

Arizona St. over STEVE AUSTIN – Steve Austin’s glory days in the WWE were glorious, (espcially when I saw him live in Houston TX at Wrestlemania.) However hot girls turned my head more then WWE. Arizona State takes this one.

Michigan over Oklahoma – I wish the Bball team would incorporate the “wings” like the football team does.

ROUND 3
Gonzaga over UNC – An ex-girlfriend of mine knew Matt Santangelo and others from the sweet 16 Zags team. She got me hooked. Which is cool, cause I got the team in the breakup. Go Zags

Arizona St. over MichiganHot girls go far in my bracket.

SOUTH CHAMP
Gonzaga over Arizona St. – What can I say, I like Bulldogs. And Hot chicks like Bulldogs.

FINAL FOUR
Morehead over UCONN – I like Beer and Wings quite a bit, but there is something I like more…

Gonzaga over Portland St. – Local pride only gets you so far. Go Zags!

CHAMPIONSHIP
Morehead over Gonzaga – Who didn’t see it coming?? I mean really? It’s hilarious. And yes, very immature. But hilarious.

Good luck to all!

Feel free to email…
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com

Until Next time…





Who Says There Are No Jobs…..

6 08 2008

So as I have continued my search for a job, I decided I would start and document some of the job offerings that are just too good to be true. Here below are some of these said jobs. I can’t believe I’m still unemployed…….

(note: all of these are from Craigslist, I’ve eliminated the email for safety purposes, but other than that all of these are straight copy and paste…. I hope you enjoy.)



Pipe layer/ Top hand (Metro Area)

Reply to: job6@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-06, 6:22PM PDT

Who wouldn’t want to lay pipe for a living?


Farm Help Wanted (Amboy, WA)

Reply to: j.com
Date: 2008-08-06, 4:15PM PDT

Person to do mowing, weeding, fencing and other miscellaneous jobs on a small farm in Amboy, WA. High School or College student preferred. Driver’s Licence and car required. Send an email describing yourself with age, education, work experience, and reasons for wanting the job.

Location: Amboy, WA
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $10

Like 10 an hour, or just 10 dollars. I need to know, cuase my dad makes me do this shit for free.


**Themed Interior Decorator ** (South East)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-06, 3:31PM PDT

I have approx. 1000 sq ft that I want decorated for the Holiday Season.
We will have Santa Clause & Helper including MANY children.

If you are interested and have at least some PROFESSIONAL experience please respond to this ad. Please send references and photos. Thank you.

What the fuck do you need a photo for? Is it so you can judge me and make a snap judgement on whether or not I look like a pedophile?


Who wants to fold my clothes??? I DONT!!! (NE MLK/Rosa Parks)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-06, 10:53AM PDT

I am hoping someone will have time this Saturday 8/9 morning to help me with a project that I have been successfully avoiding for a couple of months. I have more clothing than Mariah Carey. That may be a slight exaggeration but when its all over the upstairs of my house, it certainly feels that abundant. I am in need of someone to help me pick it all up, fold it, throw it in the wash, hang it up and generally battle the disorganization. Im guessing it wouldnt take more than a couple of hours at the most if the two of us were to get after it. Ideally I would like to start around 9 or 10 in the morning to have it all done before noon as my mother is coming to town for the weekend. Please let me know if you are available, your hourly fee, and a little bit about you (as Im letting you in my home) and we can discuss further details. Thanks!!

Clean your own fucking room…. shit…. lazy ass.


Live Sign (SW 185th & TV Hwy)

Reply to: carlosl@esigns.com
Date: 2008-08-05, 5:12PM PDT

We are searching for someone who is very neat and presentable, who enjoys being outside, interacting with passing motorists, helping direct traffic to a builder’s development, and who also likes to make SOME QUICK MONEY!!!
The builder requires the person to wear either khaki, or black pants (no denim, please), a white shirt with a collar (polo shirt type), and if possible, a white baseball hat.
You would hold onto a sign that is shaped like an arrow, moving the sign in the direction of the arrow (you may spin the sign at times) make eye contact with approaching traffic and smile and look like you are having a good time. Please bring your music and headphones, but no sitting or smoking while working. You will take a 1/2 hr break in the middle of your shift and two short 10 minute breaks.
This is a fun interactive job. The hours are 10:30 until 5 pm Sat and 11:30 am until 6 pm on Sun, or 6.5 each day.

My favorite part….. “you may spin the sign at times.” Fucking comedic gold.
Ps this job pays more than working part time at a radio station…. i’m just sayin.


Rock Band gamer needed for Saturday Concert (Portland)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-05, 1:13PM PDT

Pro Gamer needed, expert level on the game Rock Band @ the Motley Crue concert on Aug 9th, Saturday 3pm-10pm

Must be outgoing and friendly and able to talk to crowds of people as well.

If you can play the game and you would consider yourself an expert, please email your relevant experience, along with a photo (required) to (email deleted)
with the subject line “Portland Rock Band”

$14 per hr

This is like the holy grail of Jobs!
$14 an hour for Rocking My Face off! Shiiiiiiiiitttt sign me up!


I clicked on this in hopes of meeting Tony, Carmella, AJ, and Meadow. Damn.
Soprano Wanted! (Beaverton)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-03, 10:05PM PDT

Alto, Tenor & Bass looking for soprano to round out the group. Looking for someone that can read, solo and wants to get serious. We have the better part of two sets learned or close to learned, and are looking for someone that can jump right in.

Please do not call if you can’t read music.

PLEASE do call if you can!


From The Creators Of “The Alaskan Experiment” – New Casting Call (Nationwide)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-30, 8:51AM PDT

Discovery Channel, the network that brought you “The Alaska Experiment,” is currently casting its next Alaskan adventure. They’re looking for people who think they have what it takes to live and thrive in one of nature’s most brutal environments.

http://www.gotcast.com/casting-calls/Discovery-Channels-Alaskan-Adventure/51167

Location: Nationwide
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

No pay and a high chance of death…. Well if that’s not the opportunity of a lifetime, I don’t know what is!


Need Picnic Clown Saturday, August 30th

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-29, 8:59AM PDT

Need an excellent, engergetic, fun, experienced Picnic Clown for Games, Balloons, ect for a non-profit picnic for Saturday, August 30th 12:30-3:30 pm.
Send Resume, References and fees. Will be at local park. Apx 150 people.

Who knew you could get a clown on Craigslist…. someone jot this down.


Do you have any CIRCUS-STYLE Talents? (Portland)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-28, 5:17PM PDT

I am putting together an event in mid-August, and I’m looking for talented folk to create a circus-like atmosphere. Pay is negotiable, but I don’t have the biggest budget for the event. Thanks in advance for your interest!

REALY!?!?!?


Barbershop Quartet for a phone in (Anywhere)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-24, 6:24PM PDT

I’m looking to sing to my wife and would like to have some musical backup. If your group happens to know “Take a Chance on me”, then please contact me. This can be in person or over the phone.

Location: Anywhere
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $20 and potential future gigs

20 Bucks to copy The Office…. cheap bastard.
ps if she’s your wife, one would assume she “took a chance on you.” Dumbass.


Bagpiper! i need you… (portland)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-23, 10:59PM PDT

I need a bagpiper for a wedding on Sept. 28th, in the evening. Send me any info you have (blog, website, link to hear you play?) If not, no worries, we can meet!
Please email your rates also. I’m guessing I’d need you 1-3 hours, not sure of the plan yet.
Thanks!

WORST. WEDDING. EVER.


Looking for unique people with scars

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-22, 5:39PM PDT

Don’t be shy, I know you might not usually want to show people your scar(s) but this is for an awesome project.
We are photographing scars for a project. Your face does not have to be seen if you do not want it to be.
We are aiming to have this series featured in a gallery and potentially a book.

Contact us for portfolio, information, and premise.

Finally my knife fight scar is going to pay off….


Sew Leather Pants (Portland)

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-18, 12:17PM PDT

We are looking for someone that can sew a pair of custom leather
mens dress pants.
The pattern is made.
Please email, must have own industrial equipment

Finally the Boy Scouts have paid off!!!!


Albinos Unite and Takeover

Reply to: gigs@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-13, 6:48PM PDT

I am filming the opening sequence to my show, “Waking up With Alison Sumner” It is a one minute ditty where I transform from an Albino to a Unicorn and four sweet albinos are also singing and dancing awaiting their transformation. I am designing all costumes and sets myself so the sooner I get sizes/ measurements the better. It will be fun

If ONLY I were Albino…. *sigh*