Reality Round Up 4/7

8 04 2008

Can I just say, what a great couple of days in the world of reality TV.

First things first, we start off with American Idol.

David. Check.
Brooke. Check.
Syesha. Check.

Moving on.

So Rock of Love season two continues with our Heroines back at home after a harrowing couple of days in Las Vegas. Bret decides to be the “nice guy” and bring in the parents of the final three girls. Destiny, AHMBRE, and Daisy. But wait, there is a catch. Turns out our favorite Daisy doesn’t have parents. That’s right folks she was a bastard child raised by wolves in the desert. Only to be found by a Bear and Jaguar and raised as a man cub….. wait. Shit, my bad that was the plot to Disney’s the Jungle Book. (Also Ruyard Kiplings book. geeks.)

Daisy doesn’t have parents, instead she has her ex-boyfriend, Charles’ sister representing her parents. Is it just me or would this be a problem in everyday dating. Like EVERYTHING about Daisy’s life revolves around her legs wrapped around a pole, and Charles. If Bret were smart, he’d be cutting her ass faster than Destiny cuts her wrists at an Emo show. (low blow?)

Later on in the episode, we find out that AHMBRE, is actually rocking the ripe old age of 37, NOT 31 as she previously told the girls and Bret Michaels. Leave it to good ole dad to rat you out. Like what the hell was he thinking? He’s gotta be wanting a grandchild or two, ratting out your daughters REAL age isn’t actually going to help things DAD? Good Lord what a jerk. I’m thinking Dad’s in for a world of hurt when it comes down to AHMBRE picking out his retirement home. More than likely it’s actually just going to be in AHMBRE’s house down in the basement with all of her cats keeping him company while the kids who live on the street keep shouting “Don’t go to Crazy Lady AHMBRE’s house, there’s a something alive in the basement!!!”

Right before elimination we find out that AHMBRE and Daisy are both in love with the Hero Bret Michaels, while the party hard groupie chick Destiny is not.

In literature, we are taught that sometimes the main character has a fatal flaw that he or she cannot see. While some people it’s hidden deep within emotions or an action they make, others it’s so obvious a coke sniffing stripper can figure it out. And so we had the BEST elimination ever. As Bret confronts Daisy with more skeletons in her closet, she flips it around and calls out Destiny on her fatal flaw of lack of Love for Bret. Which in turn leaves Bret no choice but to eliminate Destiny, and let her get back to her groupie loving ways. Which in all honestly is where she’d rather be in the first place. ps Destiny, it’s called Rock of LOVE, not Rock of Have sex with another person in a band on national TV.

One thing that would piss me right off, is getting a tattoo, and then getting my ass cut. Of course that is me, and not Destiny, so she’s probably ok with it. I mean, it sucks that you got that tattoo, but hey, it’s ten times better than getting your rack signed with a sharpie!

So now on to the Hills. Which again was a 2 episode night. I really wish they would stop doing that, casue it’s really effing with my mojo. I want ONE clear concise episode. But what I’m getting is one pretty good episode, followed by another episode, that just bugs the shit out of me with the previews for next week leaving me wanting more. (Good lord that was one awesome run on sentence. And I don’t even care!)

I’m going to mainly deal with the first episode, cause as previously stated the second episode sucked.

LC and Stephanie are becoming close friends through thier class together at some fashion shmashion place in LA. While this is ok for LC, Spencer, Heidi, Audrina and recently welcomed back LO all have a problem with her being in LC’s life. Which is understandable… she’s a meth head and a thief. Might want to keep an eye on that classy little piece of work.

While people don’t exactly like the new freindship, I freakin LOVED Stephanie in last night episode! And basically it’s because she talks shit to Spencer so much. If they weren’t related I would swear she hates him. I do.

Which reminds me, did anyone see that Spencer got his own advice column? Really this douchbag gets his OWN advice column. Who the fuck was the editor in chief of that magazine? Lets take a look at his first Q&A ….. It’s entitled… Yo Spencer!

YO SPENCER! How do you deal with weak people and haters?
With weak people, you can only try to give them confidence and pump them up. To be honest, you don’t need them around you. I try to put myself around really strong people. Haters you should love. Hatred stems from jealousy at some point. If people aren’t hating on you, they don’t care, and if they don’t care, that means you’re not doing anything right. I love my haters. I don’t hate them back at all. You can turn so many haters around once they meet you. I’m like, “Thanks, I get it, I’m an idiot,” and they’re like, “Woo! He’s an idiot! He’s so cool!” I flipped a couple haters at Benihana just last night.

I seriously hate that guy.

ps, if I ever meet Spencer, there will be no turning me around. I hate that guy.

So anyway, the show ends, with all of the girls questioning friendships etc etc…. oh and LC and Brody have lunch. Which leads me to another point. When he called her out about being dumb in the club and saying “where’s your girlfriend??” I was just waiting and hoping she was replied, “yeah, that was my bad, I was pretty shitfaced that night.” Not once has that ever happen. How am I supposed to believe that people that go out that much don’t get hammered on a consistant basis. I know I did. And hell there were lots of mornings where I’d say…. yeah I’m sorry I said that… I was really wasted. Give me some reality MTV I can take it. I don’t need a veil over my eyes. If I wanna see some LC drunken stupor I should be able to!

I almost forgot…. this epiphany hit me while watching the Hills last night. Let me know what you think.
Hiedi Montag

Yeah?!?!? Anyone? Bubbles from Finding Nemo, and Heidi??

Sorry, I really feel as if I’ve rambled for too long so I’ll leave you with a synopsis of episode 2. Audrina and Heidi become friends again. Whitney shows up some other girl at work (could have been episode one.) LC helps out Whitney at Work…. Whitney’s boss is still cranky and old. (Probably single) Audrina borrowed one of Justin-Bobby’s head wraps. All ends well until next week.

If you’ve read this far, I want to thank you…. I really do appreciate it. I’ll leave you with some other reality shows that have come back that I’m obsessed with. #1 Top Chef on Bravo, and Hells Kitchen on Fox. Not sure anyone cares enough to have me review them, then again not sure any cares enough to have me review these shows. Basically all I”m saying is check those shows out too… I don’t think you’ll be upset!





Reality Roundup 3/31

31 03 2008

Well boys and girls here comes another installment of Reality Round-Up… where I basically give you MY opinion on MY favorite reality shows.

With that being said, I’m still digging American Idol. Only because my 3 favorites are still around. Brooke, David, and Syesha. There we go… that sums up that show.

On to my favorite of all time. Rock of Love. This week Bret decides to take all the lovely (not a word I’d use) ladies to Las Vegas for a weekend of fun and debauchery! Heather is still around and she decides to play Puppet Master with these highly intelligent bachelorettes. Which pretty much means she can bend them to her will, cause, for the most part they believe every word that comes out of Heaters mouth, and she can kick all their asses. At once.

So she targets both Destiny and Ambre (ps this is probably the most effed up thing about Ambre… it’s the way her name is being spelled. Ambre? WTF kinda crap is that? Every time I see her name splashed across the screen, I feel like I’m watching the episode of 90120 where the girls have the sleep over and the mean bitch gives Aundrea shit for saying her name AWE-NDREA….instead of AN-DREA. It’s all a little pretentious. And yes, I learned about the word pretentious from Beverly Hills 90210.) She essentially gets them to turn on our beloved special needs child, Daisy.

Meanwhile back at the golf range, Jessica attempts to win Brets heart by making out with him after every shot. Here’s the rub. The girl played golf in high school (not shocking cause all the innocent girls I knew did too) and she turned out being really good at golf… what sucks was the whole point of golf is to get the lowest number of shots. Which in turns mean making out the fewest amount of time possible. Which also lead to Destiny lifting her skirt in the air, and showing Bret her ass…. very much like a dog in heat. Coincidence i think not.

After the golf date the girls return home to Daisy and AHMBRE who are excited for their steak dinner with Bret Michaels. Nothing says American more than steak ladies and gentlemen. Whilst there Bret attempts to have a heart to heart with Daisy but realizes that talking to her is getting him nowhere. So he takes out his key and jingles them around, getting quite the reaction from Daisy. Ooooooh Shiny. (So what if this scene didn’t actually happen on the show. It happened on my couch during the commercials.) AHMBRE now decides her new found hatred for the “Special One” shall now come to light. AHMBRE attacks Daisy left and right attempting to make her look bad. Which is something that is

    awfully

hard to do when Daisy’s main argument is this…. Daisy’s Boobs It’s a losing battle AHMBRE.

Long story short, the girls (aside from Jessica) all lay into Daisy about her living situation and her ex Charles. She gets upsets, starts stuttering like she’s got turrets, all in all bad night for Daisy. Bret has to leave, giving the sole responsibility to Big John to take care of the ladies. Score.

The next day Bret meets with Jess and Daisy. He give Jessica the kiss of death by saying “she’s not Jaded,” which she’s not. If she had really wanted to prove that she wasn’t innocent she would have oiled herself up and done him in the bowling alley. Nothing says I’m not innocent like screwing in a bowling alley. Which is funny cause that is synonymous with being white trash.

Daisy’s meeting didn’t go quite as planned. As it turns out, Daisy had a previous encounter than none other than CC Deville! CC DEVILLE????? That’s right Bret’s former Band mate from Poison had been hanging out with Daisy. Of course Bret asked Daisy if they had shared a physical relationship to which she replied no.

Which actually got me to thinking. Is Bret REALLY that concerned with a girl that may or may not have had sex with a band mate? I mean, is he more upset that they may have had sex seperately? Cuase I’m almost positive that Bret and CC probably “shared” a woman or two back in the 80’s. Think about it people it was the 80’s, they were a hair band, cocaine was in supply, they had to have done it at least once. Right? I mean why else would you be in a band?

Anyway, the kiss of death proved fatal to our sweet little Jessica and Bret eliminated her at the end. Which, I’ll take this time to publicly say, my friend Blondie was right. I missed out on Brets overwhelming desire to have crazy bitches with huge breast hanging around, and predicted Heathers hatred for Daisy would get her ass sent home. Alas, not having sex on a golf course/bowling alley is actually your downfall.

Pour one out for our sweet Jessica.

I’ll keep this one short, because lets be honest… the two episodes of The Hills tonight sucked. Like really bad sucked. Nothing happen. I feel as if a lot of it is building for some other life altering events, but as for these two episodes. Lame. So here’s the rundown.
Lauren goes to school. (ps was it just me or did LC look way hot in the secretary/librarian glasses?)
Spencer still a douche.
Spencer’s sister, goes to school with Lauren… budding freindship that can only result in drama.
The big news, i think is Whitney moved on from Teen Vogue on to some other fashion thingy. I’m pretty sure our friend Whitney is going to fail at this job, becuase she’s so nice and her boss is pretty blunt and seems tough. To characteristics that I think may trouble the heroin.

Which, leads me to this, and it will be my last for this reality roundup. Is it just me, or are the ladies of fashion really weathered looking? I mean I understand that their jobs create a lot of stress, and anxiety, but seriously. Those two ladies looked mean, and tough, and not very nice. But kudos to them for climbing the corporate ladder!





Reality Round-Up 3/25

25 03 2008

It’s Tuesday morning and I’ve decided that I’d do a little round-up/summary of this weekends Reality shows that I watch. (Not including American Idol, cause I haven’t watched that show in a week or two… Ps, as long as David Archuleta, Syesha Mercado, and Brooke White all stick around I’ll still have some sort of vested interest.)

So Sunday night I continued my Love Affair with Rock of Love. Last week was especially hard for me, seeing as how Kristy Jo was booted off. Well…. not booted off, she chose to go. It was pretty heart breaking for me and for Bret. Not only did he lose the love of his life, but I lost my office pool. And by office pool I mean me and my dog Bobbie, who’s half retarded, so I’m not sure her bet counts. Bret was SO heartbroken he didn’t even stay to have a beer. WTF??? No beer? There is no way Bret didn’t stay and have a beer. What is this world coming to? It must really be true that Bret loves the Crazies. Cuase I mean Kristy Jo, was “TBIC” crazy.

On to this weeks episode in which Bret brings the ladies ex boyfriends (and one “best friend”) to the mansion to meet up and get some dirt. In addition, in brings in former cast member Heather to get the dish on the ladies! And holy hell, does she ever. First, however, Bret attempts to make nice with the boys. Which by all intense purposes was a shitty 15 minutes of my life. All of them were pretty much there to be pretty on TV. Except Adam, Ambers best friend. Genuine guy who deep down is secretly in love with Amber, but doesn’t have the eyeliner/bandana power to ask her out. Anyway, the guys basically play nice, when they had every oppotunity to stab each girl in the back. Kudos to you gentlemen. (I use that term VERY loosely)

Back to Heather at the homestead and the big revelations of the night….
#1. Megan was formally on a reality show Beauty and the Geek. (I may or may not have already known this the second I saw her. Which translates into me watching Beauty and the Geek.)
#2. Destiny is a groupie. Really??? Shocker!
#3. Little Jessica can’t hold her liquor. Gets REALLY wasted tackles girls, Bret, the fake marble statues, and Big John. Oh some mention of her being really innocent.
(Line of the night did come when Bret got back and Jessica was tossed… “It’s ok, I remember my Freshman year too.” HOLY HELL did I start busting up. Do you? Do you REALLY remember your freshman year Bret Michaels?
#4. Amber’s a nice girl. And BOOOOOOORING. Good gosh, cause some controversy for the love of Bret.
#5. The shocker of the night, Daisy still LIVES with her gorgeous/pretty/beautiful ex boyfriend. Seriously when Bret, Daisy, and Charles were all on screen I swear to god it was an advertisement for MAC cosmetics, Vidal Sasoon Hair Products, Claire’s Accesories, and Trojan Condoms.

oh and Ed Hardy. WTF?

This all comes out, and it’s time for Bret to make a decision. And it basically comes down to the fact the Bret’s afraid that poor hot little Playboy Bunny Megan is only in it to advance her career. Damn you ex boyfriend! DAMN YOU!!!!!!
So we’re left with Destiny, Amber, Daisy, and Innocent “Can’t Hold My Liquor” Jessica. I’m still thinking Daisy can pull out the win (another pun intended) but watching previews of next week have me questioning that outcome. Which is totally awesome for me, because if Daisy leaves, then I feel as if none of the other girls are fit for Bret which means they wont last, which ultimately means, Rock of Love 3! BOO YAH!

I’m not going to lie to you all. Last night a show came back that I’ve been secretly waiting for.

The Hills.

Thats right I’m a closet (not anymore) Hills fan. I’m not sure what it is about the show, but I just love it. It’s a guilty pleasure and I couldn’t wait for it to get back on air. (ps I find it odd that a “reality” show started new episodes “after” the writers strike, but whatev.)

So we join our friends Lauren and Whitney in Paris for Teen Vogues Ball. Blah blah blah… boring boring boring…. Lauren runs into some douche French dudes, which isn’t a stereotype it’s just the truth. Lauren ruins a dress convienently gets a brand new one from a store whos named gets splashed across the bottom, ball goes off without a hitch, Lauren gets a motorcycle ride from Douchey Frenchman #1 all is good. Oh but Brody has a gf back at home. Took him two days… well no shit, he’s rich. And He lives in LA. Rich and LA are two qualifications for most whores. I’m sure this drama will continue well into the season. Yay!

The train-wreck of the whole show was indeed King of All Douchebags Spencer and Heidi. We left them as Heidi had taken off to go home leaving the smartest guy alive home in LA. Flash forward to this season, and Douchebag with no upper lip, cannot get a hold of the love of his life. She wont return his calls, he’s left her so many messages that her mailbox is full, and she’s in Colorado. So what does he decide to do? GO TO COLORADO??? WTF??? Who does this? You’re a fucking idiot along with being a douchebag. Not only that but once he arrives in town Heidi’s parents don’t want him around! Like at all! They want him gone. And so does Heidi. It was a train-wreck.

My favorite part had to have been when Heidi toasted her family, and not Spencer, right in front of him. Take the hint dumbass! take the hint! GO THE FUCK HOME! I have no idea how someone in this world can be that stupid, ignorant, and dumb all together. It literally boggles my mind. What a effing douchenozzle. So that’s that, I’m looking forward to an excellent season of The Hills, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I will however leave you with this parting piece. For those of you who don’t read Perez Hilton I just want to share this little picture he created that sums up my feelings for the worst Subject of a Man in the world…..

Spencer Beavis

The only thing missing from the Hills last night was Audrina. Which makes me sad.