I Hate Who I’ve Become…..

12 05 2008

So I broke down and actually watched the Hills “finale.” I know I’ve told many of you that I wouldn’t watch or write about it again. But I figured this was worthy of a little mentioning. I watched the episode online, (west coasters you can watch after 7 o’clock online. Totally saves your entire night. Trust me.)

I’m not going to go into how much I hate the people on this show. I’m not. My hatred has grown more and more over the past couple weeks, and as some of you know, it’s spilled over into my writings about the show. Well tonights episode was not unlike any other viewing, except my hatred grew even bigger. Since I was watching online, I was also chatting with a friend of mine, another devoted fan who I talk to about reality tv quite a bit.

What transpires next is a true account of what happened after the show had gone off the air. The names have been changed, but the words have not.

doubledown: FUUUUUUUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
licia00: whattttt
doubledownI just finished the “finale”
doubledown: I thought, I had sworn off the hills. Then the preview for “next season (august)” came up.
doubledown: I’m really fucking intrigued.
doubledown: fuck
doubledown: fuck
licia00: i know.
licia00: we’re going to get sucked in. face it.
doubledown: son of a bitch.
doubledown: i’m pissed.
licia00: we should have hills hate parties
doubledown: we should. wait… No we shouldn’t!!!
doubledown: fuck.
doubledown: i’ve let myself down.
licia00: it’s ok.
doubledown: I don’t think it is.
licia00: you think you’re the only one that hates themselves for watching the hills?
licia00: silly,.
doubledown: I don’t think I”m the only one…
doubledown: but i’m just sick to my stomach cause I tried telling myself, no more hills. I really did this time.
licia00: hahha
doubledown: I’m kinda upset you find this funny.
licia00: ūüė¶¬†
licia00: dont be douchey, i’ll start calling you spencer.
doubledown: I just…. I’m just at a loss at the moment.
doubledown: and that my friend, was uncalled for.
licia00: haha
licia00: you have several months to rehab yourself of the hills
doubledown: Is this what a crackhead feels like?
licia00: most likely.
doubledown: it just hurts.
doubledown: and I know all summer long I’m goign to be all good, and not watch one rerun and try not to get upset when the “crew” shows up on the blog sites.
doubledown: but once August rolls around, I don’t know if i’m going to be able to resist that temptation.
licia00: im sure there are some groups we can join
doubledown: I really do hope so. I’m extremely dissapointed in myself.
licia00: we’ll get through this.
licia00: HA.
licia00: Hills Anonymous
doubledown: Like you know when you’re parents/best friends/significant others use the…… I’m not mad. I’m disappointed….. that’s the exact feeling I have now.
doubledown: Like future me is going to bitch slap me, and say I told you so back in May.
doubledown: really Hills Anonymous? HA?
licia00: also, HA as in…hilarity
doubledown: also very true.
licia00: i hate to love this show.
doubledown: me too.

I’m really dissapointed in myself friends. ugh.

maybe there’s a support group or something on Facebook.

god I hate me.

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Reality Round Up 4/21

21 04 2008

Hey everyone…

I’m going to be honest with you all…. this reality round up pains me to write. And, really, I don’t know if I’ll be writing another one. Unless I find another reality show that’s super trashy with one of my all time hero’s from the 80’s. And looking into the future, Indiana Jones, Marty McFly, Ralph Machio, Charles (In Charge), or Optimus Prime aren’t getting their own reality show any time soon. Which breaks my heart.

Bret Michaels gave us one of, if not THE, best reality show anti-hero of all time. My hat is off to you Bret. I really do admire you, in fact the thought had crossed my mind to grow my hair out long and luxurious, snatch a bandana from Wal-Mart, wrangle up 20 stippers/sluts/whores/groupies/news anchors and have them compete for my affections just for the sake of honoring you. And ONLY for the sake of honoring you, Bret.

The Rock of Love tour 2 has come to an end and I gotta say… what a shitty reunion show. I’m not even kidding. I thought for sure there would be more hashing of un-aired drama. More cat fights. More stripper maneuvers. More drinking, throwing up, and all around debauchery. I mean for fuck sake The Bachelor Reunion show has more drama. From what I’ve heard.

I’m not sure about any of you, but the part with Destiny really bothered me for some reason. I mean… I just don’t know what to say. I’m pretty cold hearted, and I don’t like people, but I have a huge soft spot in my heart for certain situations, and Destiny’s situation was definitely one. Poor girl had her dad die couple weeks before the reunion taping. Brought tears to poor Destiny’s eye, and had our Hero come to the rescue and console her. My heart goes out to her… that would suck relieving a moment he cherished on live tv.

All were not safe, as Bret brought up the front runner in my office pool. Kristy Jo. All I can say, is that Bret loves them crazies. And Kristy Jo takes the cake for that… TBIC. (That Bitch Is Crazy) Turns out her and her husband have reconciled and are now living happily ever after. No Fucking way! Just goes to show you will the wonders of a reality show never cease? I can only hope. Thank you Rock of Love season two for re-igniting these two crazy (literally) love birds almost failed marriage.

Last but gloriously not least is my favorite coke sniffing whore Daisy. Oh how I love you Daisy. Two things I’d like to bring up about my semi-retarded, mime in a box, fake breasted Daisy….
#1. Was it just me, or did it look like Daisy had some work done… in the face.
I came to the conclusion that she indeed did have work done. I also came to another conclusion that all the girls looked a little bit better at the reunion show. And this doesn’t make me gay, but it makes me look gay. The reason for the sudden turn-around in the appearance of the women… professional make up artists! All the girls had been doing there own makeup in the house and for the show, they have wonderful make up artists, to make them look “softer.”
#2. Was it also just me, or did Daisy sound articulate for once?
Seriously. Like very little hand motions. Full sentences. What in the hell is going on here? Where’ my girl… wheres my “Fricken” awesome down syndrome stripper? I was disappointed.

But the highlight of the show…. that’s right, Heather winning a gold medal in Weave Pulling. I mean for REAL! Did you see that shit! It was amazing. It was like Heather was a former hockey player (got the frame for it) and she pulled Daisy’s shirt over her head so she couldn’t fight back, then went to town wailing on her poor little head! Man! Craziness. I was kinda hoping for some blood, or at least a stray weave… but of course all I got was a broken bracelet from Rikki Rathman… who by the way… what the hell have YOU been doing? I mean Holy Headbangers ball Batman….

All in all, AHMBRE and our hero Bret are still together making sweet monkey sex. Which goes to show you ladies, if a man asked you to make sweet monkey sex you A.) Do it. B.) keep that man, for he is a keeper!

Sidebar: One time back in middle school we were all treated to the annual field trip of going to the zoo. (if you can already see where this is going, your powers of deduction are to great for you to be wasting them here! You must go! GO for the good of the city.*) During our trip to the zoo it was not only a great way of missing school, but the perfect opportunity to show that special young lady, just how much you care by purchasing her a Churro and a Soda and attempting to get to 1st base in the Atrium. Neither of these actually happened for me cause my mom was always too stubborn to give me any money to spend at the zoo. I did however have the sack lunch while other kids got to buy Penguin Pizza slices, Bear Burgers, and Fox Fries. But I digress, while walking through the monkey exhibit holding hands with my current hottie o’ the week, there they were…. in all thier amorous glory. Doing it. The monkeys felt it the perfect time to not only let us into thier wild kingdom, but help explain mammals having sex. Complete with visual aids. Needles to say, I did not get to first, or any base for that matter. But I can indeed tell you, when Bret asked AHMBRE for Monkey Sex, not only did i flinch and cringe, but I thought fondly of Michelle.

Sorry for the sidebar.

I know in my last two Reality Round Ups I’ve failed to mention American Idol, and I feel like a 14 year old girl, but watching two weeks ago (or so) David Cook did a version of Always Be My Baby, a cover of Mariah Carey, that literally gave me goosebumps… holy shit it was good. He completely transformed a girly pop anthem, into something dark and brooding that you could hear on alternative rock stations across the country… it was that good! Seriously. You can check it out at iTunes. It’s worth it.

David Cook, stepped forward to be my favorite.
David Archuletta, Brooke White, and Syesha Mercado are still sticking around…

Well here is the end of Reality Round up 4/21…. I’d write about the Hills, but seriously. This season really really fucking sucks.

But for those “fans” here are some highlights.

LC and Heidi can’t be friends.
I like that LO is back in the picture. She seems like a fun girl.
Spencer is still a complete douche. It also irritates me knowing that they’re making television appearances together. Search Regis and Kelly. OH, But here is something. If ANYONE can find Heidi Rapping on TRL, I’ll pay them 10 bucks… seriously. That was the most god awful display of a rich white bitch from beverly hills attempting to rap. God she sounded just like the way my grandma would rap… I’m not kidding.
Did anyone see that Justin Bobby came back? Ya did? Cool. Did you also notice when he made his appearance, he look like Don Quixote? Do a Google image search on that one…
I hope at some point those bitches aren’t famous. NO free handout jobs, no sweet ass house that no one I know at that age can really afford. I’m probably just a bit bitter.

whatever.

Reality Round up this week. Point. Less!

* Deduction portion of the blog is brought to you by the Comic Book Store Guy from the Simpsons. One of my all time favorite characters.





Reality Round Up 4/14

14 04 2008

I’m not going to lie.

I’ve been genuinely excited to write this particular blog. For you see, it was the final episode of Rock of Love season 2. Down to our very fine finalists, the tawdry twosome, the dirty duo, lady and the tramp…. Daisy and AHHHMBRE.

The episode starts out with Bret taking the fine ladies to the wonderful beaches of Cancun Mexico. Which I’m 100% postitive that wasn’t his idea, it was the shows producers to get a little sun and some sweet mentions on TV about a hotel they now don’t have to pay for. I’m sure Bret would have been just as happy taking those girls down to the local 7-11 and making the final cut over his shoulder, as he pours himself a slurpee! Then again, that would probably be some sort of sweet product placement deal that our man Bret just would have missed the boat on.

So once in Cancun the ladies get to talking and they basically have an epiphany that one of them is going to win. So obviously the claws come out and they begin to tear each other down. Which if you think about it, isn’t really a fair fight. And I actually took some offense to it. There is no way that this was a fair fight. I mean how are you going to lose an argument against someone with Down Syndrome. Honestly, poor little Daisy had no way to defend herself. Which basically just made this entire paragraph, Point. Less. (I just actually chuckled at that. I re-watched it in my head, and it’s still funny two days later.)

Here are some of my favorite highlights from the two fights that Daisy and AHHHMBRE have…

#1. From AHHMBRE to Daisy. “Surgery can make me hotter, Surgery can’t make Daisy smarter.”

#2. Did anyone else notice in the fight that AHHMBRE was about to say, “I’ve always tried to be amicable with you.” But mid-way through the word amicable she realized Daisy wouldn’t have the foggiest fuckin idea what the word Amicable means? I thought it was awesome… came off something like this..
“Daisy I’ve always tried to be ami…. I’ve always tried to be cool with you.” Classic. I loved every second of that.

#3. Now this part I’m a little lost on, because of my lack of knowledge, I am just curious as to why strippers always get upset when people call the strippers??? Heather did it last season, but I think she was more upset at the fact the everyone kept focusing on it. (Probably cause it shocked them that someone that old was still stripping. I mean, I thought once strippers had thier college education paid for they quit.) But Daisy gets all defensive in her battles with AHHMBRE when not only does Daisy point it out…. “you called me a stripper,” AHHMBRE reinforcese this factual statement… “it’s your occupation.” HOW DARE SHE!!! Call my little coke whore a stripper? She my friends is an exotic dancer. You know how I know, She dances to You Shook Me All Night Long, by AC/DC and they’re Australian.

Anyway, Bret and AHHMBRE have a fantastic date. Of course the date, made it a point to showcase all that the hotel has to offer, and being the consumer whore that I am, I must admit it looked pretty tempting to book a vacation and stay at that hotel (great success VH1. Great Success). Although I was waiting for Bret to take Daisy swimming with the dolphins and low and behold we find out she can actually speak to dolphins. Wouldn’t that mess with peoples heads?

So Bret and AHMBRE have a private dinner after AHMBRE finishes fighting with a slow kid in their hotel room. Which brings me to one of, if not THE, funniest moment of the entire season. In which AHHMBRE reveals to our hero Bret that she is indeed wearing no underwear. I couldn’t believe what I had just seen on TV. It was as if AHMBRE had snuck in some Kryptonite and BAM! Superman is powerless. I even think I saw Bret’s hand shake while holding a glass. As if he KNEW he had been bested. Her powers of Kryptonite were no match to his great resolve. Superman, my friends, had been killed.
(Ps how awesome was it that they chose America The Beautiful to play as the background music upon the revelation of AHMBRE going commando!)

So day two brings us to Diasy’s date with a much less powerful Superman. He had been exposed to a great deal of Kryptonite and I was unsure if Bret was going to be able to continue. Sure enough, he proved his mettle sacked up and continued his luxurious all expenses trip to Cancun mexico, wait, I mean the final date with Daisy. He decided to take our girl on a huge yacht and go deep sea fishing.

All my life, all I’ve ever really wanted was a huge Marlin with a huge sailfin, arched across my wall in all it’s stunning dead glory. This folks is not a joke. So needless to say I was a bit jealous with the thought of Daisy going deep sea fishing with Bret Michaels. It didn’t really matter because our heroine got sea sick and they had to pull into port. (sexual innuendo intended.) What I found amazing about the date was the “conversation” between Bret and Daisy on the boat. I can’t even remember what they were talking about, but I do remember it made Ms. South Carolina look like a Rhodes Scholar. Literally.

Bret has a very meaningful dinner with Daisy in which she baiscally shoves AHMBRE under the bus, and we get more awesome interview with Daisy herself. Which brings me to this point. Does Daisy know sign language? Is she a professional mime? Am I missing something with the hands waving all the time? Is she secretly giving sings to the runner on second? I don’t get it. Half the time I don’t know what the fuck is going on, cuase I’m so intrigued by Daisy’s flamboyant gestures. Maybe it’s something she learned from her stripping mentor. You know just a regular old school stripper, who back in the day totally believed that Jazz Hands raked in the money, and enabled patrons of the strip club believe you were a classically trained dancer…. that has to be it… Jazz Hands compliment every speaking engagement.

So, it’s down to elimination time. I could not be more proud of the producers at VH1. If anyone one of you have seen Team America, then you know exactly where I’m going……

WE’RE GONNA NEED A MONTAGE!!!!

no montage is complete without a DVD/CD offering/walk on the beach at sunset. By the way, make sure to pick up Bret’s new solo album.

So here we have it, in the end, Bret picks AHMBRE complete with pretentious spelling of her name and all. Which in the end, I’m not going to lie, made me happy. It was a great way for the show to go out, plus had he picked Daisy, she wouldn’t have cried, hugged him and left HUGE mascara stains all over his Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto suit. (headband not included.) Although it did leave her, and I quote, “heartbroken as fuck.”
(p.s., by quoting other peoples usage of the word fuck, it does not count towards my general usage of the word, therefore allowing me to use it previously/later in the blog with out penalty.)

So there you have it folks, the end is here. We’ve all finsihed our tour on the Rock of Love 2. Hopefully we will all have our lives return to some normalcy when the reunion show airs this Sunday night on VH1. You can bet I’ll be there with my popcorn in hand watching Heather beat the living daylights out of a coke sniffing stripper with down syndrome.

Hey, I wonder if this is how Heather solved all of her money disputes with other strippers…..

I will however, leave you with this one thought, that, for someone who appreciates fashions has had me in a bit of a twist for a couple of days….. is turquoise making a comeback, and no one told me???

Since this was such a huge blog, I’m going to keep the Hills recap pretty short. Nothing really gigantic happened in this episode, aside from Spencer being a douchebag and started hitting on girls at a bar that Heidi was at? What the fuck (dammit, my bad) is that all about. I mean if you’re going to go out and name drop yourself at least do it at a bar where she wont see you. This guy knows NOTHING about how to cheat on women behind their back, even when you’re on a break. He should take some lessons from Ross Gellar, he knew what to do.

Speaking of being on a break, what is this relationship vacation that Hiedi and Spencer speak of. How does one obtain a “relationship vacation?” I mean, is it in relation to how many days you put into the relationship? Like you put in a year get 10 working days off? Can I carry over some sick time if I have used all my Relationship Vacation time? If I don’t use my relationship vacation time in one year, does that vacation time parlay into another year? I just want to know my options for the next time I’m in a relationship. That way, I’ll be up to date on how much vacation time I get, which basically in turn lets me know how many girls I can sleep with until my vacation is over…. which, ultimately, is exactly what Spencer is thinking. (not that I didn’t either. I’m just saying. Relationship Vacation sound like a surprisingly attractive deal. Which I’m trying to wrap my head around, because based on the conversation it was Heidi’s idea.) Great, now my head hurts from trying to wrap my head around Heidi having a “good” idea.

Fuck.

My love affair with Rock of Love, is over. My tour ends here.





My Love Affair With Rock of Love

6 03 2008

As some of you know, I love Rock of Love. I’ve been loving Rock of Love season 2¬†immensely.¬†Last weeks episode of the USO show for the Veterans. That was awesome.

Raise your hand if you thought one of those old guys was going to faint during the Inna and Destiny strip show???

*raises hand*

Seriously though, what a way to go. Sitting peacefully in your chair, all adorned with honorable medals, when a Ukrainian man stripper, and her midget look a like sidekick walk out on stage, and BAM you didn’t realize it, but it’s actually a live version of the Crying Game. With huge Ukrainian…… “parts.”

That’s all besides the point. Turns out my friend and yours Daisy is Oscar De La Hoya’s niece/sister/love child/favorite stripper.Daisy De La Hoya - Rock of Love Season¬†2

This explains EVERYTHING!I mean I was wondering why the hell she talked so funny and so slow. For a minute, I actually thought they were making reality shows be Equal Opportunity Employers compliant. I mean, her thought process and her speech patterns raised a lot of questions. She couldn’t be that drunk ALL the time. Could she? And with this small revelation it all became just a little more clear.

Oscar, used Daisy as a sparring parter! It’s the only explanation. I mean it’s probably not the first or last time that Daisy is going to see a one-two combination to the head! And I wouldn’t doubt it at all if the Golden Boy himself helped her trained to go at least 5 rounds? Come to think of it he probably got his lighting quick reflexes by countless hours of speed bag training.

Oh who am I kidding.

Everyone knows the Golden Boy is gay.

Take a look at this email exchange.

To: VH1RockofLoveProducersFrom:
OscarDeLaHoya.com

Dear Producers,

I had heard that a second Season of Rock of Love was to be cast. I am a very famous person wondering if Mr. Michaels would indeed be open to some new possibilities? I’m brunette 5’10 and 154 pounds. Have lots of stamina, energy, and have been told I’m a real knockout.I have enclosed a picture.Oscar De La Hoya¬†Fishnet

Hope to hear from you soon!
The Golden Boy ūüėČ

To: OscarDeLaHoya.com
From:VH1RockofLoveProducers

Golden Boy,

Ummm. Thanks. I’m not sure how to say this delicately. While you definitely fit the what Mr. Michaels is looking for in the looks category, we think you have one too many features that may turn Mr. Michaels off. You must remember this isn’t the 80’s anymore and he’s no longer on a 3 day coke binge. (Although based on some decisions, you wouldn’t know that.) Anyway, thanks for your inquiry.

You wouldn’t by chance happen to have a stripper hot niece would you?

Thank You.
The Producers at Vh1’s Rock of Love.

Ps, after seeing the above pictures of Diasy, (which you can see more at TheSuperficial.com)I’m totally changing my vote to her winning. I mean, maybe it’s just me but her holding that bottle of Jack and lines of coke between her legs…. Who would pick anyone else. Now excuse me whilst continue my love affair with Jack Daniel’s, Coke, and Whorish Strippers.





Bitches Wittier Than I.

26 02 2008

This whole blogoshpere world is new to me.

I mean I came from MySpace where little 12 year olds and people I’d known and talked shit about in high school read my blogs.

Now I’m a little more grown up and writing to the masses of people who constantly look for approval. Or just want to get something off their chest.

I can understand.

I’ve got millions of stories that I think could fill the pages of a blog.The key I suppose is how to relate to people.

You see, I pretty much hate people. I think a lot of people are stupid. I think America is creating an entire legion of stupid people. Hence why I use a lot of Sarcasm. Stupid people don’t get it. They think I’m being serious.

Like for example. In the airport on my way out of Vegas, my friends and I were all in the security line. Seperated by the retractable nylon rope, a young kid who had apparently just accomplished something shouted….. “I DID IT!”

to which I replied (albiet drunk/hungover/sleepily/sarcastically) “Yeah ya did.”

Now, people with above intellegence would have caught on to my subtle congratulatory way of rewarding this young spawn of stupid in a job well done! He haddone it. Although the it, is still in question.

Well Spawn of Stupids mother, Stupid, was none to please with my subtle congratulations to a job well done. She replied snidely “Yeah YOU did.” and shot me a menacing look.

I felt a strain on our relationship.

But this is just another example of how my sarcasm is left unrewarded. How I feel isolated in a world where because of the failing educational system in america people will slowly never know what it’s like to appreciate sarcasm.
Here are the top 5 reasons why people will never harness the power of sarcasm.
1.)Text messages. You can’t pick up on Sarcasm in text messages. Unless it’s from me, then 99% of mine are laced with it.

2.)IM Chats. My friends and have a special color for sarcasm. Kids these days are too lazy to do that.

3.) Email. You can’t say to your boss “you’re a dick” in an email without him thinking you’re serious.

4.) School. I don’t think the schools teach English anymore. Literally.

5.) Reality TV. Prime example is when Elodie congratulated the backstabbing Heidi (who just jacked her job) And Heidi was thankful. It was pure gold. Bitch thought she was serious in congratulating her. That my friends is sarcasm at its finest.

Anyway… I know this has gone on long enough. And it may even be a bit non-senseical (which I’m not sure is even a word) but I give credit where credit is due. People who use sarcasm should always be rewarded.

So here are some people (through the world of blogs) I have found to be sarcastic, and for the most part… wittier than I am. I some respects I feel like Anakin Skywalker as a boy and not realizing my potential. These people/blogs are Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

enjoy!
The Letter D: Best of D
The Superficial -Because You’re Ugly
Everything is Wrong With Me 





Fallen Hero

18 02 2008

Some years ago a little television channel actually played music videos. They called themselves MTV.

Music Television.

It was glorious. I can remember the days of waiting for the top 1o so I could call in and vote for my favorite video.   At the time, I think the current champ was Def Leppard with Pour Some Sugar on Me. Loved that song and loved that video. I think it was #1 so long it would have gotten the boot on TRL. If TRL had existed.

Def Leppard had won my heart, as did another 80’s hair band. Poison. (Actually a lot of hair bands dominated my life. But I’m trying not to scare anyone away.) I loved Poison. They were awesome. They ARE awesome. Bret Michaels was the definition of cool.

The long hair, the suggestive lyrics, the scantily clad women in his videos. It was everything a pre-pubescent male could ever ask for. Had I actually been old enough to pick up on sexual innuendo, Poison would have solidified themselves and coolest thing about being 9 years old. (The Nintendo Entertainment System grabbed a hold of that top spot for various reasons.)

Flash forward to 2007. One of the greatest reality shows to hit the airwaves! Rock of Love. If you’ve haven’t seen it, you should. It’s a train-wreck of a show with one of my pre-pubescent heros Bret Michaels. He’s basically trying to find love. Or a hot little thing to sleep with for awhile.

Which I believe came to fruition when he nailed first season winner Jes. Rock of Love Winner Jes
Who I actually picked to win last year. (p.s. the reason I picked her to win, was not because she was the most compatible with Bret, but because she was the hottest. And sometimes folks, hotness trumps compatibility. Take that Eharmony!)

So anyway, much was my excitement when I was told of a Rock of Love Season 2. [Now airing on VH1 on Sundays.] I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t followed as closely as I did season 1. But I have Tivo’ed most of the episodes. So much to my excitement I set some time aside today to catch up on my missed episodes of Rock of Love Season 2.

I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in my Hero Bret Michaels. I thought for sure, this season of Rock of Love would bring even hotter women. Skankier women. Women who just wanted to be on a reality show. Women with lose morals, and a low tolerence for drinking. Well to my dismay, the show actually brought along ALL those types of women.

Except hot. And I’m being serious. Like not hot at all.
Heres our girl Catherine….
Rock of Love Season 2 Catherine
While not exactly the ugliest of the group, I’m pretty sure she’s got grandkids somewhere. I’m putting 10 bucks on the fact, that she may have been my friends mom, that was enabling us to call MTV to vote for our favorite video. And I must admit, I do like the feathered hair, WITH bangs. I believe it’s something only a Glamour Shots Professional can achieve.

Heres one of my favorites… Daisy.
Rock of Love Season 2 Daisy
Now, some may find our little Daisy to be attractive. And by attractive I mean slutty. I can’t help it, I only call it as I see it. I’m sure she’s an extremely nice girl to all she meets, but people, come on. If you’ve been watching the show and you’ve seen the episode where Daisy puts on a lingerie fashion show for our hero Bret, then you’ll know exactly why Daisy is still around. Reminds me much of that dating show, ElimiDATE. If you were a smart dude, you’d keep the slut around till the final elimination, then see what she’d do (slut wise), the eliminate her, and take home the nice girl. Hate to say it Daisy, but you’re pretty much on ElimiDATE.

Next of course is Peyton. Who by all accounts should also be my friends mom, smoking a cigarette, drinking bourbon on the rocks while her boyfriend “Don” fixes his T-Bird.
Rock of Love Season 2 Peyton
Wait a second?!?!? Is it just me… or is Peyton actually Richie Sambora??
Richie Sambora
Quick!! Someone find out if they’ve ever seen Peyton or Richie Sambora at the same place at the same time!!!!

This my friends is where I lose my faith in Bret Michaels. You see last year, Bret’s Roadie John did the picking of all the women who were allowed to be in the house. So I can actually fault Big John for messing up a good thing. Find hot women. How hard could that be. Well Big John did us fans a huge disfavor by not selecting that many hot girls. But I will give him credit. He picked more than Bret did. In fact, as I’ve previously stated, Bret let me down. Bret picked this girl to stay… the lovely Albine…
Rock of Love Season 2 Albine
I just….
I dont know. I’m at a loss for words. I know when people get drunk their decision making goes all to hell. But Bret?!?!? How drunk where you? The selection show MUST have come after a three day bender! PLEASE TELL ME IT CAME AFTER A 3 DAY BENDER!!! Please restore some faith I once had in you.
If Bret was indeed drunk then I’ll give Bret some credit….
Boobs

After weeding out all the lost causes at the Rock of Love mansion, I did however settle on a winner. I picked her once again cause she is hot. And as we learned earlier hotness, trumps compatibility sometimes.

In this case, I think it’s more of this scenario….

OK I have to choose for THESE girls??? Damn. Ummm Alright… You.. Yeah You! You’re not the hottest girl I’ve ever seen, but you’re hotter than you’re surroundings. You win. Now get some whiskey.
Rock of Love Season 2 Kristine

In all fairness, she may be the hottest, but then again, I also think she’s a germ-a-phobe, retraining ordering, playboy posing, crazy. Like “that bitch is crazy,” crazy.

Then again…. the hot ones always are.