Anti – Climatic…

4 11 2008

Polls here in my home state closed at 8 p.m. PST.

Barrack Obama was declared the winner before 8 p.m. PST.

Which doesn’t give me much faith that “every vote counts.”

In lighter news, I am happy to inform you (because I know NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN AMERICA BESIDES ME KNOWS THIS) that MTV cut into Paris Hilton’s, Be My BFF, in the middle of the episode to report Obama’s win live. 

I also believe it’s important to note, that MTV VJ Sway, used full complete sentences when reporting the news. 

 

Carry on. 

 

Until Next time.

SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





The Extensions Strike Back….

30 07 2008

Well folks, I knew it had been a long time since I had written anything. I can tell because once every other day I’ll look at my blog and notice on the calendar nothing highlighted on any given day, because nothing has been written.

And to be honest, I feel as if I’ve let you guys down. (my three faithful readers thanks DZ and mom. PS Mom, please stop hitting the refresh button so I get more hits. Your son is not going to be a famous blogger, nor are you REALLY proud of my work.) I’ve let some vital information go on like it’s never really happened. And it’s some very important information people.

You see, couple months ago I had a little obsession on TV that was indeed Rock of Love 2. Where all these awesome little sluts would vie for the attention of one of my 80’s youth heroes Mr. Bret Michaels. Apparently Bret and AH-MBRE are no longer together and the great Extensioned One decided to take his show on the road… literally.

Now Bret is taking another stab at finding his perfect match in the ultimate rock and roller’s test…life on the road! Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels is set to premiere in early 2009.

“We are excited to hit the road for another season of Rock of Love,” commented Executive Producers Mark Cronin & Cris Abrego, “Nobody knows their way around a tour bus like Bret Michaels, and we are confident that the audience will enjoy the ride.”

How will Bret find a woman to ‘rock his world’ when his world is always moving? VH1 is loading up a tour bus filled with beautiful babes and taking them on tour across the country. Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels takes contestants out of the mansion and on the road in true rock star style. This season will feature all-new ladies vying for Bret’s affection while traveling across America following Bret on a month-long tour. The contestants will face new challenges to see if they can handle the rock star life on the road.

This time as the bus pulls into each new city, the girls will engage in challenges specifically revolving around Bret’s life on the road. Whether it’s greeting aggressive groupies with a smile, enduring grueling schedules, dodging the advances of the warm-up band or even stepping in last-minute to fill in for delinquent roadies – these girls will be put to the test. This season, as the Rock of Love Bus heads into America’s heartland, the show will be taking the viewer to a whole new level with crazy, fun, over-the-top challenges- imagine Truck Stop Olympics or a dance contest on top of the St. Louis Arch or even a BBQ cook-off beneath the World’s Largest Thermometer. And also, back by popular demand…Mud Bowl 3. Americana at it’s finest!

(courtesy of VH1.com)

SERIOUSLY??? A tour bus? lets actually take a moment boys and girls to go back and count the sexual innuendo of those last paragraphs… I counted 4. But that’s just me.

With the highest ratings ever to VH1 with Rock of Love, I wouldn’t be surprised if in fact the heads at VH1 were the ones that broke up Bret and AHMBRE. Kinda like some geniuses there decided to hire some sort of hot slutty intern just to hang around Bret and try to hook up with him. Once she finally succeeded the break up was on. Who am I kidding though. It’s not like sleeping with one little intern was going to break up the greatest TV couple of all time. AHMBRE probably would have turned the other cheek and continued auditioning for roles that call for a 26 year old. Low blow?

I can’t wait for this trainwreck of a show. Allegedly they’re also filming pretty close to where I live. Im partly considering seeing if I can’t just make it up to the locale and try to get my way onto the show. Much like I told Mr. Royal one time to tackle LC from the Hills cause his production company was filming at the Fashion Institute. That totally would have made the cut. Mr Royal tackling LC and yelling out Team Audrina…. I’d actually give my entire savings (read: $3.00 also the highest amount a good hooker should be paid) to see those events transpire.

Speaking of my little Audrina. At one point while working in radio I had some pretty decent connections with record labels. When I found out that our little Audrina was working at one, I quickly emailed my record rep from that company…. It went a little something like this.


To:RecordRep@epicrecords.com
From: Preston@clearchannel.com
Sent: January 25, 2006 10:23 am
Subject: Audrina

Deb,

Hey it’s Preston from K103 in Portland. I was just curious if you could hook me up with Audrina from the Hills? She works the front desk there.
ps. any new music you want me to hear?


To:Preston@clearchannel.com
From:RecordRep@epicrecords.com
Sent: January 25, 2006 10:26 am
Subject: Re:Audrina

Preston,

HA… are you serious?

Deb


To:RecordRep@epicrecords.com
From: Preston@clearchannel.com
Sent: January 25, 2006 10:30 am
Subject: Re:Re:Audrina

Lol. No. of course I’m not.

unless you can.


Needless to say I did NOT get a reply back. I’m not sure she took me very seriously after that. Then again, I’m not sure Audrina actually worked there. With all that being said, I’m not going to lie, (although this KILLS me inside) I’m excited for the new season of the Hills. I mean it looks, almost like they addressed all my problems with the other episodes. Except the whole Heidi/Spencer thing. I wonder if they realize that the whole world throws up at this continued high school bullshit? Then again if were pulling 100k an appearance fee I’d continue the bullshit too.

Sidebar: My new goal in life is to get appearance fees. Seriously. I just want to be cool enough that people want to pay me to show up and drink. I’m trying to figure out a way to do this. Actually… I’m just going to do that. When my friends call to ask me to hang out I will now just start to charge them.

Friend: “Hey man wanna go to Kells?”
Me: “Sure dude, it’ll be 100 bucks.”
Friend: “100 bucks? For what?”
Me: “It’s my appearance fee.”
Friend: “appearance fee to do what?”
Me: “Hang out and be awesome. You know, what I used to do for free.”
Friend: “You want a hundred bucks for that?”
Me: “I don’t see what the problems is…. it’s my going rate.”
Friend: “……..”
Me: “It’s a hundred bucks or you go by yourself.”
Friend: “Is it negotiable?”
Me: “No dude. You don’t see Kim Kardashian lowering her appearance fee.”
Friend: “I’ll pay for two Jack and Cokes, final offer.”
Me: “Done. I’m there.”

Anyway, the moral of this story is that The Hills returns to television very shortly, and yes my TiVo is set to start recording episodes.

Well folks, that’s about it for now. I’m thinking I’m going to be writing a couple more blogs this week, because I’m bored outta my mind again looking for jobs.

If you’d like you can now email.
SaracasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com

Until next time….





I Hate Who I’ve Become…..

12 05 2008

So I broke down and actually watched the Hills “finale.” I know I’ve told many of you that I wouldn’t watch or write about it again. But I figured this was worthy of a little mentioning. I watched the episode online, (west coasters you can watch after 7 o’clock online. Totally saves your entire night. Trust me.)

I’m not going to go into how much I hate the people on this show. I’m not. My hatred has grown more and more over the past couple weeks, and as some of you know, it’s spilled over into my writings about the show. Well tonights episode was not unlike any other viewing, except my hatred grew even bigger. Since I was watching online, I was also chatting with a friend of mine, another devoted fan who I talk to about reality tv quite a bit.

What transpires next is a true account of what happened after the show had gone off the air. The names have been changed, but the words have not.

doubledown: FUUUUUUUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
licia00: whattttt
doubledownI just finished the “finale”
doubledown: I thought, I had sworn off the hills. Then the preview for “next season (august)” came up.
doubledown: I’m really fucking intrigued.
doubledown: fuck
doubledown: fuck
licia00: i know.
licia00: we’re going to get sucked in. face it.
doubledown: son of a bitch.
doubledown: i’m pissed.
licia00: we should have hills hate parties
doubledown: we should. wait… No we shouldn’t!!!
doubledown: fuck.
doubledown: i’ve let myself down.
licia00: it’s ok.
doubledown: I don’t think it is.
licia00: you think you’re the only one that hates themselves for watching the hills?
licia00: silly,.
doubledown: I don’t think I”m the only one…
doubledown: but i’m just sick to my stomach cause I tried telling myself, no more hills. I really did this time.
licia00: hahha
doubledown: I’m kinda upset you find this funny.
licia00: 😦 
licia00: dont be douchey, i’ll start calling you spencer.
doubledown: I just…. I’m just at a loss at the moment.
doubledown: and that my friend, was uncalled for.
licia00: haha
licia00: you have several months to rehab yourself of the hills
doubledown: Is this what a crackhead feels like?
licia00: most likely.
doubledown: it just hurts.
doubledown: and I know all summer long I’m goign to be all good, and not watch one rerun and try not to get upset when the “crew” shows up on the blog sites.
doubledown: but once August rolls around, I don’t know if i’m going to be able to resist that temptation.
licia00: im sure there are some groups we can join
doubledown: I really do hope so. I’m extremely dissapointed in myself.
licia00: we’ll get through this.
licia00: HA.
licia00: Hills Anonymous
doubledown: Like you know when you’re parents/best friends/significant others use the…… I’m not mad. I’m disappointed….. that’s the exact feeling I have now.
doubledown: Like future me is going to bitch slap me, and say I told you so back in May.
doubledown: really Hills Anonymous? HA?
licia00: also, HA as in…hilarity
doubledown: also very true.
licia00: i hate to love this show.
doubledown: me too.

I’m really dissapointed in myself friends. ugh.

maybe there’s a support group or something on Facebook.

god I hate me.





Reality Round Up 4/21

21 04 2008

Hey everyone…

I’m going to be honest with you all…. this reality round up pains me to write. And, really, I don’t know if I’ll be writing another one. Unless I find another reality show that’s super trashy with one of my all time hero’s from the 80’s. And looking into the future, Indiana Jones, Marty McFly, Ralph Machio, Charles (In Charge), or Optimus Prime aren’t getting their own reality show any time soon. Which breaks my heart.

Bret Michaels gave us one of, if not THE, best reality show anti-hero of all time. My hat is off to you Bret. I really do admire you, in fact the thought had crossed my mind to grow my hair out long and luxurious, snatch a bandana from Wal-Mart, wrangle up 20 stippers/sluts/whores/groupies/news anchors and have them compete for my affections just for the sake of honoring you. And ONLY for the sake of honoring you, Bret.

The Rock of Love tour 2 has come to an end and I gotta say… what a shitty reunion show. I’m not even kidding. I thought for sure there would be more hashing of un-aired drama. More cat fights. More stripper maneuvers. More drinking, throwing up, and all around debauchery. I mean for fuck sake The Bachelor Reunion show has more drama. From what I’ve heard.

I’m not sure about any of you, but the part with Destiny really bothered me for some reason. I mean… I just don’t know what to say. I’m pretty cold hearted, and I don’t like people, but I have a huge soft spot in my heart for certain situations, and Destiny’s situation was definitely one. Poor girl had her dad die couple weeks before the reunion taping. Brought tears to poor Destiny’s eye, and had our Hero come to the rescue and console her. My heart goes out to her… that would suck relieving a moment he cherished on live tv.

All were not safe, as Bret brought up the front runner in my office pool. Kristy Jo. All I can say, is that Bret loves them crazies. And Kristy Jo takes the cake for that… TBIC. (That Bitch Is Crazy) Turns out her and her husband have reconciled and are now living happily ever after. No Fucking way! Just goes to show you will the wonders of a reality show never cease? I can only hope. Thank you Rock of Love season two for re-igniting these two crazy (literally) love birds almost failed marriage.

Last but gloriously not least is my favorite coke sniffing whore Daisy. Oh how I love you Daisy. Two things I’d like to bring up about my semi-retarded, mime in a box, fake breasted Daisy….
#1. Was it just me, or did it look like Daisy had some work done… in the face.
I came to the conclusion that she indeed did have work done. I also came to another conclusion that all the girls looked a little bit better at the reunion show. And this doesn’t make me gay, but it makes me look gay. The reason for the sudden turn-around in the appearance of the women… professional make up artists! All the girls had been doing there own makeup in the house and for the show, they have wonderful make up artists, to make them look “softer.”
#2. Was it also just me, or did Daisy sound articulate for once?
Seriously. Like very little hand motions. Full sentences. What in the hell is going on here? Where’ my girl… wheres my “Fricken” awesome down syndrome stripper? I was disappointed.

But the highlight of the show…. that’s right, Heather winning a gold medal in Weave Pulling. I mean for REAL! Did you see that shit! It was amazing. It was like Heather was a former hockey player (got the frame for it) and she pulled Daisy’s shirt over her head so she couldn’t fight back, then went to town wailing on her poor little head! Man! Craziness. I was kinda hoping for some blood, or at least a stray weave… but of course all I got was a broken bracelet from Rikki Rathman… who by the way… what the hell have YOU been doing? I mean Holy Headbangers ball Batman….

All in all, AHMBRE and our hero Bret are still together making sweet monkey sex. Which goes to show you ladies, if a man asked you to make sweet monkey sex you A.) Do it. B.) keep that man, for he is a keeper!

Sidebar: One time back in middle school we were all treated to the annual field trip of going to the zoo. (if you can already see where this is going, your powers of deduction are to great for you to be wasting them here! You must go! GO for the good of the city.*) During our trip to the zoo it was not only a great way of missing school, but the perfect opportunity to show that special young lady, just how much you care by purchasing her a Churro and a Soda and attempting to get to 1st base in the Atrium. Neither of these actually happened for me cause my mom was always too stubborn to give me any money to spend at the zoo. I did however have the sack lunch while other kids got to buy Penguin Pizza slices, Bear Burgers, and Fox Fries. But I digress, while walking through the monkey exhibit holding hands with my current hottie o’ the week, there they were…. in all thier amorous glory. Doing it. The monkeys felt it the perfect time to not only let us into thier wild kingdom, but help explain mammals having sex. Complete with visual aids. Needles to say, I did not get to first, or any base for that matter. But I can indeed tell you, when Bret asked AHMBRE for Monkey Sex, not only did i flinch and cringe, but I thought fondly of Michelle.

Sorry for the sidebar.

I know in my last two Reality Round Ups I’ve failed to mention American Idol, and I feel like a 14 year old girl, but watching two weeks ago (or so) David Cook did a version of Always Be My Baby, a cover of Mariah Carey, that literally gave me goosebumps… holy shit it was good. He completely transformed a girly pop anthem, into something dark and brooding that you could hear on alternative rock stations across the country… it was that good! Seriously. You can check it out at iTunes. It’s worth it.

David Cook, stepped forward to be my favorite.
David Archuletta, Brooke White, and Syesha Mercado are still sticking around…

Well here is the end of Reality Round up 4/21…. I’d write about the Hills, but seriously. This season really really fucking sucks.

But for those “fans” here are some highlights.

LC and Heidi can’t be friends.
I like that LO is back in the picture. She seems like a fun girl.
Spencer is still a complete douche. It also irritates me knowing that they’re making television appearances together. Search Regis and Kelly. OH, But here is something. If ANYONE can find Heidi Rapping on TRL, I’ll pay them 10 bucks… seriously. That was the most god awful display of a rich white bitch from beverly hills attempting to rap. God she sounded just like the way my grandma would rap… I’m not kidding.
Did anyone see that Justin Bobby came back? Ya did? Cool. Did you also notice when he made his appearance, he look like Don Quixote? Do a Google image search on that one…
I hope at some point those bitches aren’t famous. NO free handout jobs, no sweet ass house that no one I know at that age can really afford. I’m probably just a bit bitter.

whatever.

Reality Round up this week. Point. Less!

* Deduction portion of the blog is brought to you by the Comic Book Store Guy from the Simpsons. One of my all time favorite characters.





Reality Round Up 4/14

14 04 2008

I’m not going to lie.

I’ve been genuinely excited to write this particular blog. For you see, it was the final episode of Rock of Love season 2. Down to our very fine finalists, the tawdry twosome, the dirty duo, lady and the tramp…. Daisy and AHHHMBRE.

The episode starts out with Bret taking the fine ladies to the wonderful beaches of Cancun Mexico. Which I’m 100% postitive that wasn’t his idea, it was the shows producers to get a little sun and some sweet mentions on TV about a hotel they now don’t have to pay for. I’m sure Bret would have been just as happy taking those girls down to the local 7-11 and making the final cut over his shoulder, as he pours himself a slurpee! Then again, that would probably be some sort of sweet product placement deal that our man Bret just would have missed the boat on.

So once in Cancun the ladies get to talking and they basically have an epiphany that one of them is going to win. So obviously the claws come out and they begin to tear each other down. Which if you think about it, isn’t really a fair fight. And I actually took some offense to it. There is no way that this was a fair fight. I mean how are you going to lose an argument against someone with Down Syndrome. Honestly, poor little Daisy had no way to defend herself. Which basically just made this entire paragraph, Point. Less. (I just actually chuckled at that. I re-watched it in my head, and it’s still funny two days later.)

Here are some of my favorite highlights from the two fights that Daisy and AHHHMBRE have…

#1. From AHHMBRE to Daisy. “Surgery can make me hotter, Surgery can’t make Daisy smarter.”

#2. Did anyone else notice in the fight that AHHMBRE was about to say, “I’ve always tried to be amicable with you.” But mid-way through the word amicable she realized Daisy wouldn’t have the foggiest fuckin idea what the word Amicable means? I thought it was awesome… came off something like this..
“Daisy I’ve always tried to be ami…. I’ve always tried to be cool with you.” Classic. I loved every second of that.

#3. Now this part I’m a little lost on, because of my lack of knowledge, I am just curious as to why strippers always get upset when people call the strippers??? Heather did it last season, but I think she was more upset at the fact the everyone kept focusing on it. (Probably cause it shocked them that someone that old was still stripping. I mean, I thought once strippers had thier college education paid for they quit.) But Daisy gets all defensive in her battles with AHHMBRE when not only does Daisy point it out…. “you called me a stripper,” AHHMBRE reinforcese this factual statement… “it’s your occupation.” HOW DARE SHE!!! Call my little coke whore a stripper? She my friends is an exotic dancer. You know how I know, She dances to You Shook Me All Night Long, by AC/DC and they’re Australian.

Anyway, Bret and AHHMBRE have a fantastic date. Of course the date, made it a point to showcase all that the hotel has to offer, and being the consumer whore that I am, I must admit it looked pretty tempting to book a vacation and stay at that hotel (great success VH1. Great Success). Although I was waiting for Bret to take Daisy swimming with the dolphins and low and behold we find out she can actually speak to dolphins. Wouldn’t that mess with peoples heads?

So Bret and AHMBRE have a private dinner after AHMBRE finishes fighting with a slow kid in their hotel room. Which brings me to one of, if not THE, funniest moment of the entire season. In which AHHMBRE reveals to our hero Bret that she is indeed wearing no underwear. I couldn’t believe what I had just seen on TV. It was as if AHMBRE had snuck in some Kryptonite and BAM! Superman is powerless. I even think I saw Bret’s hand shake while holding a glass. As if he KNEW he had been bested. Her powers of Kryptonite were no match to his great resolve. Superman, my friends, had been killed.
(Ps how awesome was it that they chose America The Beautiful to play as the background music upon the revelation of AHMBRE going commando!)

So day two brings us to Diasy’s date with a much less powerful Superman. He had been exposed to a great deal of Kryptonite and I was unsure if Bret was going to be able to continue. Sure enough, he proved his mettle sacked up and continued his luxurious all expenses trip to Cancun mexico, wait, I mean the final date with Daisy. He decided to take our girl on a huge yacht and go deep sea fishing.

All my life, all I’ve ever really wanted was a huge Marlin with a huge sailfin, arched across my wall in all it’s stunning dead glory. This folks is not a joke. So needless to say I was a bit jealous with the thought of Daisy going deep sea fishing with Bret Michaels. It didn’t really matter because our heroine got sea sick and they had to pull into port. (sexual innuendo intended.) What I found amazing about the date was the “conversation” between Bret and Daisy on the boat. I can’t even remember what they were talking about, but I do remember it made Ms. South Carolina look like a Rhodes Scholar. Literally.

Bret has a very meaningful dinner with Daisy in which she baiscally shoves AHMBRE under the bus, and we get more awesome interview with Daisy herself. Which brings me to this point. Does Daisy know sign language? Is she a professional mime? Am I missing something with the hands waving all the time? Is she secretly giving sings to the runner on second? I don’t get it. Half the time I don’t know what the fuck is going on, cuase I’m so intrigued by Daisy’s flamboyant gestures. Maybe it’s something she learned from her stripping mentor. You know just a regular old school stripper, who back in the day totally believed that Jazz Hands raked in the money, and enabled patrons of the strip club believe you were a classically trained dancer…. that has to be it… Jazz Hands compliment every speaking engagement.

So, it’s down to elimination time. I could not be more proud of the producers at VH1. If anyone one of you have seen Team America, then you know exactly where I’m going……

WE’RE GONNA NEED A MONTAGE!!!!

no montage is complete without a DVD/CD offering/walk on the beach at sunset. By the way, make sure to pick up Bret’s new solo album.

So here we have it, in the end, Bret picks AHMBRE complete with pretentious spelling of her name and all. Which in the end, I’m not going to lie, made me happy. It was a great way for the show to go out, plus had he picked Daisy, she wouldn’t have cried, hugged him and left HUGE mascara stains all over his Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto suit. (headband not included.) Although it did leave her, and I quote, “heartbroken as fuck.”
(p.s., by quoting other peoples usage of the word fuck, it does not count towards my general usage of the word, therefore allowing me to use it previously/later in the blog with out penalty.)

So there you have it folks, the end is here. We’ve all finsihed our tour on the Rock of Love 2. Hopefully we will all have our lives return to some normalcy when the reunion show airs this Sunday night on VH1. You can bet I’ll be there with my popcorn in hand watching Heather beat the living daylights out of a coke sniffing stripper with down syndrome.

Hey, I wonder if this is how Heather solved all of her money disputes with other strippers…..

I will however, leave you with this one thought, that, for someone who appreciates fashions has had me in a bit of a twist for a couple of days….. is turquoise making a comeback, and no one told me???

Since this was such a huge blog, I’m going to keep the Hills recap pretty short. Nothing really gigantic happened in this episode, aside from Spencer being a douchebag and started hitting on girls at a bar that Heidi was at? What the fuck (dammit, my bad) is that all about. I mean if you’re going to go out and name drop yourself at least do it at a bar where she wont see you. This guy knows NOTHING about how to cheat on women behind their back, even when you’re on a break. He should take some lessons from Ross Gellar, he knew what to do.

Speaking of being on a break, what is this relationship vacation that Hiedi and Spencer speak of. How does one obtain a “relationship vacation?” I mean, is it in relation to how many days you put into the relationship? Like you put in a year get 10 working days off? Can I carry over some sick time if I have used all my Relationship Vacation time? If I don’t use my relationship vacation time in one year, does that vacation time parlay into another year? I just want to know my options for the next time I’m in a relationship. That way, I’ll be up to date on how much vacation time I get, which basically in turn lets me know how many girls I can sleep with until my vacation is over…. which, ultimately, is exactly what Spencer is thinking. (not that I didn’t either. I’m just saying. Relationship Vacation sound like a surprisingly attractive deal. Which I’m trying to wrap my head around, because based on the conversation it was Heidi’s idea.) Great, now my head hurts from trying to wrap my head around Heidi having a “good” idea.

Fuck.

My love affair with Rock of Love, is over. My tour ends here.





Reality Round Up 4/7

8 04 2008

Can I just say, what a great couple of days in the world of reality TV.

First things first, we start off with American Idol.

David. Check.
Brooke. Check.
Syesha. Check.

Moving on.

So Rock of Love season two continues with our Heroines back at home after a harrowing couple of days in Las Vegas. Bret decides to be the “nice guy” and bring in the parents of the final three girls. Destiny, AHMBRE, and Daisy. But wait, there is a catch. Turns out our favorite Daisy doesn’t have parents. That’s right folks she was a bastard child raised by wolves in the desert. Only to be found by a Bear and Jaguar and raised as a man cub….. wait. Shit, my bad that was the plot to Disney’s the Jungle Book. (Also Ruyard Kiplings book. geeks.)

Daisy doesn’t have parents, instead she has her ex-boyfriend, Charles’ sister representing her parents. Is it just me or would this be a problem in everyday dating. Like EVERYTHING about Daisy’s life revolves around her legs wrapped around a pole, and Charles. If Bret were smart, he’d be cutting her ass faster than Destiny cuts her wrists at an Emo show. (low blow?)

Later on in the episode, we find out that AHMBRE, is actually rocking the ripe old age of 37, NOT 31 as she previously told the girls and Bret Michaels. Leave it to good ole dad to rat you out. Like what the hell was he thinking? He’s gotta be wanting a grandchild or two, ratting out your daughters REAL age isn’t actually going to help things DAD? Good Lord what a jerk. I’m thinking Dad’s in for a world of hurt when it comes down to AHMBRE picking out his retirement home. More than likely it’s actually just going to be in AHMBRE’s house down in the basement with all of her cats keeping him company while the kids who live on the street keep shouting “Don’t go to Crazy Lady AHMBRE’s house, there’s a something alive in the basement!!!”

Right before elimination we find out that AHMBRE and Daisy are both in love with the Hero Bret Michaels, while the party hard groupie chick Destiny is not.

In literature, we are taught that sometimes the main character has a fatal flaw that he or she cannot see. While some people it’s hidden deep within emotions or an action they make, others it’s so obvious a coke sniffing stripper can figure it out. And so we had the BEST elimination ever. As Bret confronts Daisy with more skeletons in her closet, she flips it around and calls out Destiny on her fatal flaw of lack of Love for Bret. Which in turn leaves Bret no choice but to eliminate Destiny, and let her get back to her groupie loving ways. Which in all honestly is where she’d rather be in the first place. ps Destiny, it’s called Rock of LOVE, not Rock of Have sex with another person in a band on national TV.

One thing that would piss me right off, is getting a tattoo, and then getting my ass cut. Of course that is me, and not Destiny, so she’s probably ok with it. I mean, it sucks that you got that tattoo, but hey, it’s ten times better than getting your rack signed with a sharpie!

So now on to the Hills. Which again was a 2 episode night. I really wish they would stop doing that, casue it’s really effing with my mojo. I want ONE clear concise episode. But what I’m getting is one pretty good episode, followed by another episode, that just bugs the shit out of me with the previews for next week leaving me wanting more. (Good lord that was one awesome run on sentence. And I don’t even care!)

I’m going to mainly deal with the first episode, cause as previously stated the second episode sucked.

LC and Stephanie are becoming close friends through thier class together at some fashion shmashion place in LA. While this is ok for LC, Spencer, Heidi, Audrina and recently welcomed back LO all have a problem with her being in LC’s life. Which is understandable… she’s a meth head and a thief. Might want to keep an eye on that classy little piece of work.

While people don’t exactly like the new freindship, I freakin LOVED Stephanie in last night episode! And basically it’s because she talks shit to Spencer so much. If they weren’t related I would swear she hates him. I do.

Which reminds me, did anyone see that Spencer got his own advice column? Really this douchbag gets his OWN advice column. Who the fuck was the editor in chief of that magazine? Lets take a look at his first Q&A ….. It’s entitled… Yo Spencer!

YO SPENCER! How do you deal with weak people and haters?
With weak people, you can only try to give them confidence and pump them up. To be honest, you don’t need them around you. I try to put myself around really strong people. Haters you should love. Hatred stems from jealousy at some point. If people aren’t hating on you, they don’t care, and if they don’t care, that means you’re not doing anything right. I love my haters. I don’t hate them back at all. You can turn so many haters around once they meet you. I’m like, “Thanks, I get it, I’m an idiot,” and they’re like, “Woo! He’s an idiot! He’s so cool!” I flipped a couple haters at Benihana just last night.

I seriously hate that guy.

ps, if I ever meet Spencer, there will be no turning me around. I hate that guy.

So anyway, the show ends, with all of the girls questioning friendships etc etc…. oh and LC and Brody have lunch. Which leads me to another point. When he called her out about being dumb in the club and saying “where’s your girlfriend??” I was just waiting and hoping she was replied, “yeah, that was my bad, I was pretty shitfaced that night.” Not once has that ever happen. How am I supposed to believe that people that go out that much don’t get hammered on a consistant basis. I know I did. And hell there were lots of mornings where I’d say…. yeah I’m sorry I said that… I was really wasted. Give me some reality MTV I can take it. I don’t need a veil over my eyes. If I wanna see some LC drunken stupor I should be able to!

I almost forgot…. this epiphany hit me while watching the Hills last night. Let me know what you think.
Hiedi Montag

Yeah?!?!? Anyone? Bubbles from Finding Nemo, and Heidi??

Sorry, I really feel as if I’ve rambled for too long so I’ll leave you with a synopsis of episode 2. Audrina and Heidi become friends again. Whitney shows up some other girl at work (could have been episode one.) LC helps out Whitney at Work…. Whitney’s boss is still cranky and old. (Probably single) Audrina borrowed one of Justin-Bobby’s head wraps. All ends well until next week.

If you’ve read this far, I want to thank you…. I really do appreciate it. I’ll leave you with some other reality shows that have come back that I’m obsessed with. #1 Top Chef on Bravo, and Hells Kitchen on Fox. Not sure anyone cares enough to have me review them, then again not sure any cares enough to have me review these shows. Basically all I”m saying is check those shows out too… I don’t think you’ll be upset!





Pick 6.1

6 04 2008

So I know my reality shows are coming quickly so I decided to throw in another Pick 6 musical randomness so that some people have something to read at work on Monday morning. That is assuming people actually care enough to check this blog out daily. 

(note: if you’re new to the Pick 6, here is a summary. I open my iTunes library, hit random, and write a little synopsis of the song as it pertains to my life. Enjoy!)

Without further ado, lets start off this musical journey…..

Title – Artist(s)

Hurricane – The Click

Oh man, what a way to start this beloved Pick 6. Back in the day (and by this I mean 2 years ago) I used to be quite the club goer. I worked at a radio station and by doing so had some friends that were a little younger than me. One of these friends was an avid club goer and I being his faithful right hand man, and drinking partner was always along for the ride. Mr. Royal (as is his nickname based on his preferred drink) drove around in this piece of shit honda of some sort. It was so bad, that when we went out to the clubs I was always the person designated to drive. If you’ll notice, I wasn’t the designated driver, I was designated to drive. I drove a 02 Saturn with no tape deck, no power windows, no cd player, just some AM/FM tunes to get us by. That’s how bad Mr. Royal’s car was. About 6-7 months into our friendship of heavy drinking and AM/FM tunes, Mr. Royal bought himself a much nicer car complete with iPod hook up. I can’t tell you how many times we’d roll downtown and this song was the song of choice for the night. Everytime I hear it, no matter where I am, what time it is, I feel I should have a “to-go cup” full of Jack and Coke, and a flask full of Crown Royal for none other than Mr. Royal.

Somebody Told Me – The Killers

WOW! This isn’t my favorite song from the killers by any means. However, no matter what Killers song it is, I’m reminded of one of my top 5 concerts of all time. Back when working for radio I went to all sorts of concerts for free. It was awesome. This just happened to be one of those shows, and they were so freakin good that I told myself if they were ever in town again, I would gladly pay for a ticket to this show. They were that damn good. Amazing stuff. If they ever come to your neck of the woods, no matter where you are…. GO! It’s 100% worth it!

Lately (MTV UNplugged) – Jodeci

As they say in the very beginning of this song, “This is an oldy, but a goodie.” I can’t agree more. To be honest with you, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard the album version of this song. I don’t think I ever intend to do that, because this song is so great. In fact this whole show was great! I loved UNplugged. I really wish MTV or MTV2 would bring it back. I have a great appreciation for acoustic music. This song is no different. Bring back UNplugged people!

Dance, Dance – Fall Out Boy

About 2 years ago I had an epiphany…. and it was generated by viewing a mile or so long line to get into the All American Rejects/Fall Out Boy concert. I looked at the audience that was waiting in line to see such a show, and 90% of the crowd were pre-teen girls ready to get their rock on. When it suddenly dawned on me… Fall Out Boy is the Backstreet Boys/N*Sync of their generation. I’m not saying lyrically, or talent wise, I’m just saying every generation needs a “boy band.”
Early 80’s we’ve got New Edition followed by New Kids on the Block. The 90’s gives us Backstreet Boys/N*Sync, and now Fall Out Boy.
Dance, Dance again, is not my favorite from FOB, but serves as a pick me up sometimes.

Living on a Prayer – Bon Jovi

I knew at some point my love of 80’s hair bands was going to sneak on to the prestigus list and damn it all to hell. Alas, from here on out, this blog is in a downward sprial of empending doom. Read at your own risk.

Ps… Bon Jovi scores major points for naming thier Album “Slippery When Wet.” The more and more I grow up, the more I realize that I was left out of about 90% of sexual innuendo’s that dominated the 80’s. (That figure is actually much closer to 99%, due to my religious background, and band geek dad. I missed a lot.)
*sigh*

Possum Kingdom – Toadies

A look back on my life, and I forget a very influencial period in my life that sometimes I really try to bury down deeply. Back in the mid 90’s I was what many people called an Alterna-Teen. Yeah, shocking I know. I loved Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Weezer, Green Day (old Stuff pre Dookie) and many more! I’m no longer Alternative, nor a Teen, therefore this musical taste has come and gone. However, I have held on to many of these loves, and they have a special place in my iTunes library. I’m not sure why but this song always reminds me of my older brother (who I more than likely got my alterna-teen”ness” from in the first place.) He used to play it while driving me around all the time. Listening to the lyrics reminds me of a Anne Rice book and giving it tons of street cred. I’ve always heard rumor it’s actually about Vampires, but I’ve never taken the time to look it up for actual vaildation. If you do, and it is about Vampires… I’d be grateful if you gave me a little heads up.

This concludes our Pick 6 for the day… hope you enjoyed!