A Sports Rant, and The Hills

28 04 2008

I’ve been watching a lot of sports lately. Mostly a lot of soccer. I happen to love soccer. I’m a huge fan of Manchester United. There are a lot of people in the world that would call me a bandwagon fan, and while I can’t entirely deny that, I have a legitimate reason.

Back in the day before the widespread satellite phenomenon even extended cable didn’t offer that much soccer on TV. I’d been rasied playing soccer and it’s one of those things that, while I may not be the best at, I can definitely hold my own. So when European soccer was on TV most the time it was Liverpool or Manchester United. So I grew up watching Man U. And have to say, I totally fell in love with the club and it’s players. Namely one Eric Cantona. A French asshole (yeah that was a fan.) with a penchant for socring goals… along with coaches wives, which is how he ended up at Man U. Anyway, the point of this is, Man U’s season is coming to an end with a run at not only the English title, but the European title… I’m excited.

Strangely I’ve also been watching a lot of NBA basketball. Which really has surprised me. I’m not a fan of the NBA. I grew up being a fan of Michael Jordan and him leaving the NBA left something to be desired in watching a random game. Jordan is no longer around, and neither are my Chicago Bulls, so I’ve been rooting for Cleveland (with the second coming of Michael Jordan, in Lebron James) and of course the Boston Celtics.

Here begins my sports rant….
#1. Arena musical selections should really be carefully monitored. Whilst watching a Cleveland game, during one of their timeouts, I couldn’t help but over hear Sweet Caroline being played. WTF???? Sweet Caroline. The same song that is played at EVERY Boston Red Sox home game? Pull your head out Cleveland. But I mean I guess it’s to be expected, their fans aren’t very sports literate anyway. Their the same fans that thought towels were going to get them through the ALCS last year. PS… hey cleveland…. real stadiums have their own traditions. Real fans don’t need gimmicks. Of course I can’t fault you completely. You are the city that had their heart ripped out by Art Model. I apologize for that, but start building your fan IQ.

#1b Dear Salt Lake City,
Hi! We love that you are in the Playoffs this year. Seems like you guys do that a lot. Congrats to you guys. We’d like to bring a little something to your attention, and it has to do with your musical selection in the arena. We couldn’t help but notice that during a time out you were playing 2 Legit 2 Quit by MC Hammer. Really? Now we understand that 95% of your population is white and is in fact Mormon, and we also know that by those two facts alone, MC Hammer is probably one of the top sellers in the “rap” genre down there. But I have to say people, after doing a little research you would have though you guys could have just followed a strict musical selection of Jock Jams. Just put the CD in and press play during time outs. There are 5 discs so I’m pretty sure that should last you the playoffs.

It should also be noted in the the almost 10 years of Jock Jams, not once is 2 Legit 2 Quit on one of those albums. Something Salt Lake should probably be notified of.

#2.
Speaking of fan IQ… what the hell is Washington Wizards fans’ deal??? They have got to be some of the worst fans in the ENTIRE world. Slinging around a towel cause it was free, I can forgive that. Wearing all white to the arena cause it looks cool on TV, I can forgive that. What I cannot, and WILL not forgive is the intolerable chants of OV-ER-RAT-ED when LEBRON JAMES is shooting free throws. Seriously, who in their right fucking mind thinks Lebron James is overrated? Oh that’s right Washington Wizards Gaurd DeShawn Stevenson said this in an interview…

When he was leaving the building, Mike Lee was chatting him up and mentioned LeBron again. DeShawn has obviously heard enough of that.

“He’s overrated,” DeShawn told Mike. “And you can say I said that.”

You’ve got some balls Stevenson. Some huge balls…. but in reality, that’s about all you’ve got. I mean lets take a comparison…
LEBRON JAMES 4 Years Pro
points per game 27.3
rebounds per game 6.9
assists per game 6.6

DeShawn Stevenson 7 years pro
points per game 8.7
rebounds per game 2.4
assists per game 1.9

YOWZERS! I didn’t realize they gave NBA Contracts for Sucking. (I’m not claiming I can play any better, but I’m not calling out a future Hall of Famer. That of course is no knock to you DeShawn.)

oh by the way…. DeShawn…. I’m not sure if you know this, but Lebron has 34, 22, 30, and 32 points in the 4 games of the playoffs. I wouldn’t be looking for that defensive player of the year award anytime soon.

Anyway… on to some other things…. Like the Hills.

I’m really beginning to hate this show. I’m not going to lie. I wish they would move the point of focus off of Lauren, for in fact her life, is not only boring, but repetitive.

Like I know this show is targeted at younger females, but is this really what they like? A stupid girl who a.) won’t let go of a grudge b.) reverts to the same mistakes over and over c.) is completely spoiled outta her mind and doesn’t have to do a thing in life?

A. Lauren if you’ve got a sex tape…. let the world see it. And by the world I mean me. I can do a little photoshop editing and take good ole J-Wahls face outta there and insert anyone you’d like. (namely me.) If your supposed best friend is the one who released the tape, don’t be pissed at her…. stop making porn at her house. It’s just a common courtesy. I mean, my friends all know if they have sex at my house, not only will my mom be pissed, but I’ll be filming the shit to make the next set of car payments. This would also work out a lot better if any of my friends were famous.

B. Lauren, move on with your life. For reals. find some new blood in that pathetic little circle of friends you have. There are millions of people in LA. More than likely there are lots of dudes who would be willing to take a shot with you. Shit, my friend Mr. Royal lives in LA. I could set you guys up. He’s a cool dude. Please for the love of god stop recycling the dudes in your life. I don’t want to see Brody, (ps his girl is all sorts of smokin hot… and don’t think the world didn’t notice you look her up and down and judge. And yes… she’s prettier than you.) I don’t want to see Jason, and I sure as fuck don’t want to see Stephen. If I wanted to see Stephen again, I’d pop in my dvd’s of Laguna Beach. Of course then i’d be forced to watch Kristen Cavallari…. meow.

C.) I hate how spoiled you are LC. At some point I wish you would fall in love with some transient on the street, get married and have mommy and daddy disown you so you could enter the real world. I only say this because I am jealous of your house. It is very nice. Wonder what the monthly payments on that bitch are…

With all this said and done, it’s nice to see Justin Bobby looking normal. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure the ladies love this “cat” looking clean cut. And now that he’s not looking/talking like a transient on a 4 day binger, I’m not sure I’ve got anything to make fun of him for.

Killer Boots Man!

For those of you missing some good ole fashion reality shows, here are some other shows you may want to catch….

Hells Kitchen
Deadliest Catch
The Alaska Experiment
American Idol (I know I know.)

enjoy your week…

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Reality Round Up 4/7

8 04 2008

Can I just say, what a great couple of days in the world of reality TV.

First things first, we start off with American Idol.

David. Check.
Brooke. Check.
Syesha. Check.

Moving on.

So Rock of Love season two continues with our Heroines back at home after a harrowing couple of days in Las Vegas. Bret decides to be the “nice guy” and bring in the parents of the final three girls. Destiny, AHMBRE, and Daisy. But wait, there is a catch. Turns out our favorite Daisy doesn’t have parents. That’s right folks she was a bastard child raised by wolves in the desert. Only to be found by a Bear and Jaguar and raised as a man cub….. wait. Shit, my bad that was the plot to Disney’s the Jungle Book. (Also Ruyard Kiplings book. geeks.)

Daisy doesn’t have parents, instead she has her ex-boyfriend, Charles’ sister representing her parents. Is it just me or would this be a problem in everyday dating. Like EVERYTHING about Daisy’s life revolves around her legs wrapped around a pole, and Charles. If Bret were smart, he’d be cutting her ass faster than Destiny cuts her wrists at an Emo show. (low blow?)

Later on in the episode, we find out that AHMBRE, is actually rocking the ripe old age of 37, NOT 31 as she previously told the girls and Bret Michaels. Leave it to good ole dad to rat you out. Like what the hell was he thinking? He’s gotta be wanting a grandchild or two, ratting out your daughters REAL age isn’t actually going to help things DAD? Good Lord what a jerk. I’m thinking Dad’s in for a world of hurt when it comes down to AHMBRE picking out his retirement home. More than likely it’s actually just going to be in AHMBRE’s house down in the basement with all of her cats keeping him company while the kids who live on the street keep shouting “Don’t go to Crazy Lady AHMBRE’s house, there’s a something alive in the basement!!!”

Right before elimination we find out that AHMBRE and Daisy are both in love with the Hero Bret Michaels, while the party hard groupie chick Destiny is not.

In literature, we are taught that sometimes the main character has a fatal flaw that he or she cannot see. While some people it’s hidden deep within emotions or an action they make, others it’s so obvious a coke sniffing stripper can figure it out. And so we had the BEST elimination ever. As Bret confronts Daisy with more skeletons in her closet, she flips it around and calls out Destiny on her fatal flaw of lack of Love for Bret. Which in turn leaves Bret no choice but to eliminate Destiny, and let her get back to her groupie loving ways. Which in all honestly is where she’d rather be in the first place. ps Destiny, it’s called Rock of LOVE, not Rock of Have sex with another person in a band on national TV.

One thing that would piss me right off, is getting a tattoo, and then getting my ass cut. Of course that is me, and not Destiny, so she’s probably ok with it. I mean, it sucks that you got that tattoo, but hey, it’s ten times better than getting your rack signed with a sharpie!

So now on to the Hills. Which again was a 2 episode night. I really wish they would stop doing that, casue it’s really effing with my mojo. I want ONE clear concise episode. But what I’m getting is one pretty good episode, followed by another episode, that just bugs the shit out of me with the previews for next week leaving me wanting more. (Good lord that was one awesome run on sentence. And I don’t even care!)

I’m going to mainly deal with the first episode, cause as previously stated the second episode sucked.

LC and Stephanie are becoming close friends through thier class together at some fashion shmashion place in LA. While this is ok for LC, Spencer, Heidi, Audrina and recently welcomed back LO all have a problem with her being in LC’s life. Which is understandable… she’s a meth head and a thief. Might want to keep an eye on that classy little piece of work.

While people don’t exactly like the new freindship, I freakin LOVED Stephanie in last night episode! And basically it’s because she talks shit to Spencer so much. If they weren’t related I would swear she hates him. I do.

Which reminds me, did anyone see that Spencer got his own advice column? Really this douchbag gets his OWN advice column. Who the fuck was the editor in chief of that magazine? Lets take a look at his first Q&A ….. It’s entitled… Yo Spencer!

YO SPENCER! How do you deal with weak people and haters?
With weak people, you can only try to give them confidence and pump them up. To be honest, you don’t need them around you. I try to put myself around really strong people. Haters you should love. Hatred stems from jealousy at some point. If people aren’t hating on you, they don’t care, and if they don’t care, that means you’re not doing anything right. I love my haters. I don’t hate them back at all. You can turn so many haters around once they meet you. I’m like, “Thanks, I get it, I’m an idiot,” and they’re like, “Woo! He’s an idiot! He’s so cool!” I flipped a couple haters at Benihana just last night.

I seriously hate that guy.

ps, if I ever meet Spencer, there will be no turning me around. I hate that guy.

So anyway, the show ends, with all of the girls questioning friendships etc etc…. oh and LC and Brody have lunch. Which leads me to another point. When he called her out about being dumb in the club and saying “where’s your girlfriend??” I was just waiting and hoping she was replied, “yeah, that was my bad, I was pretty shitfaced that night.” Not once has that ever happen. How am I supposed to believe that people that go out that much don’t get hammered on a consistant basis. I know I did. And hell there were lots of mornings where I’d say…. yeah I’m sorry I said that… I was really wasted. Give me some reality MTV I can take it. I don’t need a veil over my eyes. If I wanna see some LC drunken stupor I should be able to!

I almost forgot…. this epiphany hit me while watching the Hills last night. Let me know what you think.
Hiedi Montag

Yeah?!?!? Anyone? Bubbles from Finding Nemo, and Heidi??

Sorry, I really feel as if I’ve rambled for too long so I’ll leave you with a synopsis of episode 2. Audrina and Heidi become friends again. Whitney shows up some other girl at work (could have been episode one.) LC helps out Whitney at Work…. Whitney’s boss is still cranky and old. (Probably single) Audrina borrowed one of Justin-Bobby’s head wraps. All ends well until next week.

If you’ve read this far, I want to thank you…. I really do appreciate it. I’ll leave you with some other reality shows that have come back that I’m obsessed with. #1 Top Chef on Bravo, and Hells Kitchen on Fox. Not sure anyone cares enough to have me review them, then again not sure any cares enough to have me review these shows. Basically all I”m saying is check those shows out too… I don’t think you’ll be upset!