Summertime Update

9 07 2008

Hey all…

just thought I would drop by and update you all on the goings on of, well, me.

The attempt at going to the gym has been ongoing. I’m glad to report I’m going more days that I’m not. However in recent news, I feel as if I have obtained a stress fracture in my foot. I’m not sure how or when, I just know that when I run on the treadmill I have shooting pains from my ankle up my calf. The rest of the time my ankle feels great. So this put a damper on my hopes and dreams of running a full marathon and breaking the little tape banner at the end. I’ve moved on now from the treadmill to the elliptical machine.

I can’t tell you how degrading the whole feeling of an elliptical machine is. I know my little computer in front of me is telling me that I’ve gone the same distance, I’ve burned the same calories, but to be honest, it just doesn’t feel the same. Of course it could also be the fact that yesterday some 80 year old lady was whoopin my ass not only in miles, but also in resistance.

I happen to have a gigantic competitive streak in my body. I can turn almost anything into a competition. Most of which I think I can win. In the realm of working out, I need these competitions to continue to do what I do. So imagine my surprise when I was indeed losing out to grandma.

I was indeed angry. My only solace came from working out right underneath the air conditioning. I love the air conditioning.

I’ve also picked up some boxing. About a year or two ago I was actually enrolled and taking boxing classes. Well that came to a halt when I began working two different jobs, then got promoted and wasn’t able to make the classes. This was a tad disappointing for I love boxing, because not only is a great workout, and huge stress reliever, but I am able to effectively use this on my little brothers. To great success mind you.

My family indeed got a heavy bag in which was placed outside, and in addition to my acting like a gazelle running from a lion, I’ve been hitting the heavy bag every day as well. All of this was fine and dandy until I garnered another injury involving my knuckles. I can’t say exactly what happened, cause I don’t know. I do however know that my middle knuckle on my right had (the one I use for knocking someone out) is really sore.

All of this is neither here nor there, but I just would like to point out, none of these are beneficial as I get older, aaaaaaand, having no health insurance to determine the extent of these injuries is loads of fun too.

In recent developments I found this weeks sign that the apocalypse is upon us.
Just about my entire family has decided to join facebook. This, my friends, is not good.

Quick question, how many of you have gone through and looked at all the available options for keeping your profile private? Maybe one? Possibly two of you?

Well ladies and gents, I have. The thing of it is, and I’m not sure I’ve brought this up before in my blog, but I was indeed raised Mormon. Now those of you that have followed along, will know that I may not be the best Mormon they have ever met, and my friends themselves can attest that I may not be the best Mormon ever.

With that being said, I have gone through taken out all the pictures of me drinking, and carousing with sluts. (The later part really doesn’t happen I just thought I’d right that to sound a little more bad ass.) In addition I’ve gone through and removed all tagging of me. At frist I thought being tagged was a cool thing. That way if hot friends of hot friends ever saw me on random pages, they would be able to be like….ooooh who’s that? Oh that’s his name I should totally “poke” him.

While this scenario has never come to fruition, the scenario of friends tagging me participating in a beer pong tourney and my newly internet savvy family coming across pictures of me standing on the podium championship trophy in hand is 100% likely. (And with my luck, going to happen regardless.)

However, I have been moved to all of my families “top friends,” so I gotta be excited about that, right?

In other news all my shenanigans and debauchery can be found on MySpace.

The last part of all this, I was back at the radio station helping them out because one of their promotions people left suddenly. I got a call from Mives (who happens to be one of my favorite people let alone one of my favorite bosses) asking me if I could come back and help. I agreed and back at the station I was.

It was quite the expierence really. I went from a big sweet office with a huge window and comfy chairs to, sitting in a cube with 3 other people. It was different. The thing that hasn’t changed was the people that are there. I have a lot of friends at that place and it was great working with them again. I can honestly say that I miss the people there. They make that place amazing, and I was a bit bummed to be gone again.

Which brings me to this, I am no longer at the station and back to trying to find a job again. Which is one of the worst things in the entire world.

I’ve got some pretty sweet shenanigans coming up like a birthday celebration, and a college friends wedding so maybe just maybe I’ll have some funnier stuff to post…. until then.

Beach Ready Body and the Internet is Boring.

2 04 2008

Hello my blogging friends.

If you’ve been following along with my blogs, you’ll know that I’ve recently dedicated myself to working out to obtain my beach ready body by the time summer comes. Which, I’m not sure why considering I don’t go outside. I hate being to hot. I’m afraid of the ocean. Hate public swimming pools. And generally despise most of the summer aside from chicks dressing slutty, (thank heavens for short shorts) Thirsty Thursdays (where most the slutty girls are) and Red Sox baseball games. (Where beer, slutty girls, and baseball collide for a maelstrom of goodness.)

But there I am every day Up In the Club, Just Workin on my Fitness. (ah thank you Fergie.) And I have to say it. I’m not seeing results fast enough. I’ve been inundated to believe that things these days should be instant. Instant messaging, instant pudding, instant rice, drive through windows, BlackBerry, syphilis, shopping on the internet, and instant news have given me a sense of false hope.

3 weeks at the club should leave me some sort of hope. Some itsy bitsy little thing that I can cling on too that things are working. I mean I wish I had a pair of “skinny jeans” (don’t think we don’t know about em) so that when I put them on and they fit, it would give me some sort of sign that all is right with the world. Alas, I am a boy so my jeans are already a size or two to big for me, which means every fucking pair are my skinny jeans. *sigh*

A couple things have transpired since working out at my gym.

#1. I’ve realized I’m still working out too early for Strippers to be at the gym. I guess the timing was all off in my head. Having never, EVER, been to a strip club in all my life, I didn’t realize what time they actually got done. I was figuring 2 am, maybe the latest 3 am. Then it dawned on me, that more than likely they get off work at 4-5 am. To get to the gym by 10 am on 5-6 hours of sleep, there is no way that would be possible. Plus, I’m pretty sure the coke may not have worn of in time to get in a decent cardio workout. Damn.

#2. Not all female trainers are hot. Some are old and leathery that tan too much.

#3. Working out after a long night of drinking is never really a good thing to do. Especially for me. I’ve unfortunately developed a nasty little drinking habit. My tolerance for Jack Daniel’s whiskey is insane. I’ve been known to finish a bottle at any given celebration. While I know this isn’t really a feat of skill by any means (college frat boys claim this every weekend. Although downing a fifth of Boone Farm is hardly any feat, especially if it’s Country Kwencher. It’s a real flavor I checked.) it’s the next day that I believe sets me apart from the others. See I don’t get hungover anymore when I drink Jack. Like none. Zip. Zero. It’s as if my liver has completely given up processing the alcohol. So when I go out, it takes a lot of Jack for me to get drunk. More than most. So the next day when I rolled into the gym, and about mile marker 1.75 the sweat kicks in and BAM! Alcohol comes gushing out of my pours, for not only me to smell but the unassuming people running next to you. I tried my best to keep it contained, but to no avail. I could smell Jack and I knew the girl and guy running next to me could too. And if any of you know the smell of Jack, you’ll know it’s not the most pleasant smell in the world. (Unless you’re me. Then you fucking love that smell.)

You’re welcome 24 Hour Fitness patrons.

So the other night, I was discussing with a friend that I felt like I was at the end of the internet. Basically what I mean is that I keep looking at the same websites over and over again. It’s actually a bit depressing. I feel like a 12 year old kid who just got home from school, and although I just recently talked to my friends at school, I have to go home and wear out the refresh button on my Safari web browser.The list includes Myspace, Facebook, PerezHilton, The Superficial, If Julie Fell, Yahoo!, my iGoogle, Hotmail, ESPN, Red Sox Homepage, Netflix, Craigslist, and my own blog. (Yeah, I look at my blog all the time! so what?)Just recently I’ve revisited a site that I love so very much. is HILARIOUS.

Basically people submit random shit they’ve hear whilst in New York. Which got me to thinking last night, that maybe I don’t ever want to go to New York. I mean, they have all sorts of nicknames for shit left and right, and if you don’t know, no one is going to help you out. You’re just supposed to know already. Or at least that is the gist I get from reading some of the quotes. But how could the internet be wrong? It can’t be….

Anyway this site has spawned some spin off sites, such as, and a celebrity spin off. They are fantastic. Here are a couple highlights that i enjoyed.

Office girl #1: Man, I’m really bored. I know what we should do… [Looks around] Aw, we don’t have any glue, do we?
Office girl #2
, confused and horrified: Um…

I think I found this more funny because it was from the city I live in. Classic.

Here’s another….
Cashier: Alright, so that’s going to be $47.68.
Customer: What? The book was $31.99!
Cashier: Ummm, actually, it was $44.99…
Customer: It says $31.99!
Cashier: I’m afraid you were looking at the American price, ma’am…
Customer: So?!
Cashier: We’re in Canada.
Customer, indignant: Well, I want to speak to a manager!
Cashier: Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll be able to change global economy, but let me page him…

hilarious. and I love it. Points for you cashier.

My point of all this, is that I’m bored with the internet. I need your help people. I need some cool new sites that I can pour over and waste most of my day. So I’m no longer bored. I need the internet people. NEED! Go ahead send me a comment with a cool new page that you think I may like. I’d love to see what you all think. And Thank you…