26 09 2008

For people close to me, they’ve gotten the impression that I pretty much hate my life right now.

The fact of the matter is… I really do.

THe job hunt is still on, the high school soccer team I coach is underperforming, College football as of this week is all out of whack, and my unemployment ran out this week.

So I’m pretty much shooting 0-4 in the grand scheme of life. But today is the like the perfect storm of hatred for me. I’m still pissed that the OSU Beavers beat USC last night. I’m still pissed that my HS team played like crap last night, and I”m even more pissed that I have to go to an interview for a job I don’t really want.

The job was with a big corporate Gym and I was applying for Membership Counselor. My fisrt interview was yesterday and apparently the nice cute young lady liked me enough to recommend me to her boss.

My interview was at 10:30 am. Which I am totally fine with. I get all dolled up and roll into the place knowing that this is a job I can do, but for the most part, have no desire to do commission based sales. So me and the GM are talking interviewing and I think things are going pretty well. He tells me about leads and such and that you have to generate 15 a day. Here is where things start going down hill.

You see, I hate people. That’s not a statement to be funny. I hate people. I’m not the type of person that we meet and instantaneously were best friends. It just doesn’t happen. I totally judge people. Its a flaw I suppose. I’m not outgoing. I’ve got great friends, and family in this world, I don’t need new ones. You may think were friends, but deep down I have a huge resentment for you and don’t even like you.

So the GM and I are talking and toward the end of the interview, he says to me…

GM: “So what I’m going to have you do is grab a clip board, and go out on the floor and see if you can generate 5 new leads from the people working out.”
Me: “Sounds great!”

At that second it was pretty much over. Done. I don’t want this job. For the most part it goes back to the I Hate People factor. It also stems from a respect factor at a gym. These people are here working out. They have a plan. They’re there at 10:30 am on a mutherfucking Thursday for a reason. And you want me to interrupt their workout to generate leads. No. Way.

This is also the reason, I’ll never pick up on a girl at the gym. If a girl really wanted to get picked up she’d get sauced and roll to the nearest Fraternity party. Otherwise, more than likely she’s there to workout.

So I get one guy to say that his entire office may be looking for some memberships. I’m like sweet. I’ve talked to 90% of the people at the gym and I figure getting an office full of people could be pretty decent. I walk back over to the GM and we basically finish up the interview. As we’re about to wrap up, I notice he keeps asking me about the lead I generated. The office size, what the guy did, etc etc….

He then takes some notes, and KEEPS IT FOR HIMSELF. I was so pissed at this point.

More then likely if the office size is 15 people, and 5 of those people sign up… that GM just raked in a pretty sweet commission based on the lead I generated for him in an interview. That my friends pissed me off.

Anyway… so most of you know I’m a huge fan of College football. Well the College football world was turned upside down again by the Mighty Beavers of OSU upsetting my number one pick USC. With that being said, the next part of this blog shall now be titled…

That’s What She Said…. Enjoy.

The Beavers, and their fans, expected to be penetrated by the Trojans. (1) However this was not the case, as the Beavers mustered enough strength to thwart many attempts of a Trojan entering their backfield. (2) The Beavers decided to go against being spread wide across the field, (3) instead the Beavers opted for a tight inside game.(4) And on this night, the Beavers had enough protection,(5)as Jaquizz couldn’t be contained by any Trojan.(6) They withstood a number of attempts as the Trojans went up-and-down the Beavers turf.(7) After a sloppy Trojan performance, (8) the Beavers discarded them,(9) washed up (10), and looked forward to going down (11) to Utah for some fun.

Hope you enjoyed that.

Here is the rest of my predictions for a weekend of college football.

As we all know they already lost. Which as we all know is bad news for my Ducks. No one likes losing, esp twice in a row. And if the Ducks don’t pick a QB, we’re in for a world of hurt when the Trojans go looking for redemption.

Well, after Georgia made Arizona State it’s dog toy last weekend, I’m thinking they’re taking this momentum thingy and taking it to Alabama. Plus they showed lots of footage of UGA VII. Which is cool, but not nearly as cool as UGA V…

Gators play Ole Miss. Win. Plus, I’m still really high on Athletes that were on MTV. Can’t lose!

They’ve got a bye week this week which is good. Other Heisman candidates will have the opportunity to shine.

(ps, in college we named one of our intramural teams Bye Week. It was awesome. About the third week into games, the director figured out what was going on, and we were 3-0.)

Well BYU has Utah State… and basically that’s a padding of the stats game for Max Hall. Dark Horse for the Heisman. His only knock will come at the end of the season when everyone says…. “Well, who did he play??” Which will be unfair, cause that kid is going to deserve a Heisman.

Well that’s about all the time we have today kids.

As always feel free to email me at

Go Ducks.

Oh, and Miss E, hope you didn’t take offense to the That’s What She Said Game.

And another sidebar, if you’re a Duck fan, and your new facebook headline says… “i’m a Beaver Believer for one day” or “I’m becoming a Beaver after last night.”
A.) If you graduated your diploma should be taken away.
B.) If you haven’t graduated stay in school cause you’re still stupid.

Rat Tails, More College Football, and a Half Assed Apology….

17 09 2008

Sometimes, as I sit down to write, I think that people who read this blog are bummed when I haven’t written for awhile. In fact secretly I hope this. I hope that in their first 25-30 minutes of work they turn on their computer open their favorites, select Perez Hilton, Gmail, Facebook, MySpace, and maybe some ESPN, or special site, then they click on over to Sarcasm As A Weapon. Only to get their hopes up to see I haven’t posted in sometime.

Sometimes, I’m disappointed in myself. I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed. Which as we all know as being a kid, or having kids, is WAAAAY worse than actually being mad. So I’m disappointed in myself.*

Half the time I have so many ideas running through my head I think I should just do a Live Blog of my life. Although, taking the University of Oregon to it’s second NCAA 09′ National Championship on the PlayStation 3 doesn’t lend to much excitement on the internet. See… I just told you what I did and I”m pretty sure you’re not that excited. So the Live Blog of my day surely has some kinks to work out. But my mind does race most the time. I’m always watching something or experiencing something that I want/need to write about.

For those of you who are a continuous reader of this fine work of well crafted thoughts and opinions, you well already be in the know, about my lack of a job. Well boys and girls, I can say that I have been very diligent lately in trying to find a job. Which leads me to an experience unlike any other that I had to write about.

I had recently applied online for a job working in a insurance company that shall remain nameless. I was quickly contacted by someone in HR from said company. She called to inform me that the position I applied for was no longer available, but they had some openings for another position that was closely related. She asked if I would be interested and told me to go to the company website and begin the process of applying online. I said thanks I’ll do that right away. She then asked if was going to attend the job fair that this company had set up later in the week. I informed her that I was not aware of the job fair, but yes I would be in attendance.

As the day of the job fair was upon me, I cut my hair, ironed my clothes and actually showered and shaved. Which normally is a stretch for me on a regular day. That’s besides the point. Anyway, so I’m looking damn fine if I do say so myself knowing that there could possibly be an interview if I do good enough. So the bar had been raised.

Upon arriving I realize that….
1.) I’m the best dressed person in the room. ( I’m not exaggerating nor embellishing, nor trying to be cocky. I really was.
2.) I was actually overdressed.

My top five favorite outfits of the day…..
#5.) Ill fitting black blazer, dark blue dress pants, and brown shoes. Not that bad really.
#4.) Target short sleeved button up shirt, cargo pants, and a pair of airwalk/vans.
#3.) Jean Capri’s, black tank top, and sweet ass dragon tattoo on the shoulder.
#2.) Black ill fitting suit, with non matching muscle t-shirt underneath. (ps, dude should not have been wearing said muscle shirt. For any reason.)
#1.) Cargo pants, polo, some athletic shoes, and a bitchen rat tail that probably went down to the C3 Vertebrae.

I knew as I looked around the room, that I probably had the upper hand in some things. Looking professional… all me.

So needless to say my confidence was boosted based on my surroundings.
(ps for those who don’t know me, I like to win. A lot. So while at the job fair, I literally told myself in my head, looking professional… me. 1. other people. 0. I win.)

I kept looking around the room watching certain people being questioned by members of the HR team. As I perused the potential interviewers I selected a couple people I felt my chances would be better with. The gay gentleman and the middle aged woman with no ring on the finger. I figure, shit, if I look this good ( and by that I mean better than everyone else) it might as well not go to waste right? So I’m a little superficial, and at this point in my job search, I’ll take every opportunity I can.

As it came around I was not awarded with the gay guy, nor the middle aged woman. It was in fact a guy about my age. Damn. We went off to another part of the building. Did a very quick interview, and said, we’ve got some tests if you’d like to take them now. I agreed and off to another room were I took a typing test and some sort of customer service simulation.

I’m not going to lie. I was acing this whole thing. My typing was awesome. My simulation was DOOOPPPE! So things were looking up. There were a lot of people taking the test so needless to say there was a bit of a back up while people waited to take the test. As another HR person came and got me and told me the results of my simulation, she ushered me back to the room where people were waiting to take their test.

And then there it was…. I was completely deflated. All my posturing. All my confidence. All my dressing up, was completely 100% a waste of time.

There sitting in the chairs waiting to take their tests, were Rat Tail and Muscle shirt boy.

I realized at that point, it was a gigantic hiring fair. The bright side is, I did score an interview.

So there is the update on my working life. Some other possibilities have come up… we shall see.
If you’re not a fan of my sports… you can tune out now… I’m going to talk a little college football.

Time to check in on my top 5.
The USC Trojan stayed atop my top 5 rankings by laying waste to Ohio State. Matt Sanchez and company showed the nation, the BCS, and the Big Ten just how much Ohio State sucks. Which scares me, because more then likely the Buckeyes are going to win the Big Ten and head to the Rose Bowl. Lame.
Not impressed. New UGA, get them to pull their heads out…. they’ll need a lot more than what they showed on Sat to win the SEC.
Bye week for Two-A-Days Tim Tebow.
Chase Daniles, and Jeremy Maclin? Really good. Big 12 on the upswing? Could be.
Dear UCLA,
Max Hall is good. 7 Touchdowns good. Rick Newscandal is not.
Seriously folk, I ate this up. This win was AMAZING. I sent a text to about 5 friends. By the time I had responded back to most of them the first time, BYU had scored 3 touchdowns. It was awesome. I giggled watching those Mormon boys whoop up on Newscandal. Those Cougar football players played so well they could pull large amounts of ass…. I’m talking boy band ass.

If they could.

So in my spare time, I’ve been the assistant/goalkeeper coach at my High School Alma Mater/Matter? eh.

It’s been a TON of fun and a lot of stress. These boys think of some of the most inappropriate/funny things ever. I’ve decided to compile a list of things they say, then hopefully get a blog out of their quotes. Could be pretty interesting for one, and for sure will be offensive. Look for that bad boy in a bit.

Oh as a sidebar, I’m missing disc 6 of the first season of the OC.. If anyone knows where I could get it without purchasing the whole set I would be eternally grateful. Missing out on Caleb proposing to Julie, Anna leaving, (made me very sad) and Julie sleeping with Luke, bums me out.

Last but not least, speaking of TV, look for September 22nd to be the perfect storm of new Television.

As always feel free to email at…

until next time….

*The above two paragraphs were meant to be an apology to my loyal readers. Albeit half assed.