So Hot Right Now…

24 05 2010

I’m trying to post a bit more. I know the last three posts were a bit epic in nature, but I’m pulling back the horses on those for a bit. I mean really, my Boston trip took quite a bit outta me.

I’ve noticed recently that I’ve been repeating the same five songs on my iPod over and over lately and figured I’d share that with all of you. Hence the title, So Hot Right Now, because much like Hansel from Zoolander, these songs are So Hot Right Now.

Of course, some of these are old, some of them you’ve probably heard a hundred times over, but I don’t care. They’re awesome, and I love em right now. Seriously… So Hot…

Without further ado…

City and Colour – The Girl

This song here… I love. Like Love it. It’s the type of song, that if I had any musical talent whatsoever, I would hypothetically write and hypothetically play for my hypothetical girlfriend. I also imagine myself getting a whole crap load of tattoos and ultimately being totally hip and cool. But alas, I was blessed with athletic ability and ruggishly handsome good looks, so I’ll have to settle for that. Damn you musicians.

This song is old after doing some research, and some of you may have known it for some time, but up until my friend JDalt, and K-B posted it on their facebook pages, I had no idea. One of my favorites for so many reasons. JDalt and K-B also call me “perfect,” so if you don’t like this song, well blame them for their judgment being REALLY off.

Phantogram – Mouthful of Diamonds

Ok, this is by far one of my favorite songs of all time. It’s literally that good. I’m not exactly sure what it is, or why, but I can’t get enough of this song.

The funny thing is, I was close to never hearing about this song or even this group. Back in January, I took a little trip to the mall to pick up my new iPhone. (after losing one in a cab 5 month earlier.) At the time, I was hanging out with a nice young lady, and took her with me. Well, she was in need of a Starbucks fix, something I know nothing about because I don’t drink coffee, or frappaccino (sp) grande latte do-hickeys. So we stopped off at the Starbeezy and while she ordered and waited for her drink I perused the store, and up at the counter they had their free download of the week. And there it was. I picked it up and put it in my pocket only to forget about it for a couple days. Later that week, I grabbed the jeans, and found the download. I fired up the old iTunes and was blown away. Not going to lie, I listened to that sucker like 500 times. Turned out to be a pretty awesome day all in all… New phone. New song. And I think we went to Red Robin after all. Nice little Saturday.

(ps, Phantogram is going to be at Sasquatch music festival, so look for them to become really awesome, and for lots of people to be like “i knew about them forever.” You can also feel free to tell them you found out about them here first. Then you can do the whole *cough* bullshit *cough* thing. Which is always a crowd pleaser. Check out Phantogram here.)

La Roux – Bulletproof

I can’t really give this song a description without coming off as a 12 year old girl that has recently been dumped. Since I’m neither 12 nor recently dumped, I have no real reason reason as to why I love this song. The video sucks, and to be honest had I seen it with the volume down, I probably wouldn’t like it much at all. And apparently this is a group too? Right? Like there is some hidden keyboardist that just rocks out behind the recycled 80’s motif. Speaking of, I’m a little bummed I missed out on being an 80’s keyboardist. I really think I would have been pretty awesome at it. I mean one qualification would be my long flowing locks when I grow them out, could have been manipulated into something really awesome with enough AquaNet. Just saying.

On a side note, I play this song really loud in my car. However, when I pull up to stoplights I turn it down. Quick poll, if you heard this bumping from a ruggishly handsome man in a semi decent car would you think he was a) gay. b) up on the latest music. c) gay AND up on the latest music or d.) fucking awesome and want to make out with him right away.

These are things I need to know.

I love YouTube, I really do. This isn’t really much of a video, but this song comes off of Kanye’s Freshman Adjustment mixtape/unreleased album. I’m unsure how I came across this album, but I love this song too. Most of you familiar with Kanye’s stuff will notice it’s the same Lyrics to Homecomming, which he did with Chris Martin from Coldplay. Cool song and all, but for some reason this song feels better. Maybe it’s cause John Legend is on it, and I love John Legend. Maybe it’s the sampling, I’m not sure. (Maybe it’s just because it’s toned down in the douche department because Chris Martin isn’t on it. Maybe.) What I am sure of, is how awesome it is. This is why it’s So Hot Right now… (ps, that may have been a record right there of how many times I can work the title into a blog. I’m not sure.)

Justin Beiber – Baby

Well, come on. You all knew this was coming. And I think my four previous submissions in this blog give me a little leeway with admitting to like this terribly written pop drivel. (But deep down, LOVE this.) I really can’t listen to this song without a little smile on my face. Previously, Party in the USA was my go to good feeling song, and previous to that it was MMMBop. Yup, you read that all 100% correct. Somewhere, there is a socially awkward 30 year old chick with Hanson posters on her wall still, just waiting to marry me. Somewhere.

This is a dedication really, to JP in Boston, JDalt in Austin, McNulty in Albany, Nira here in Portland, MichRod in Dallas and all my other ladies that have Bieber Fever. And yes, I’m working on learning Luda’s part….

Now I’m all gone….

Until Next time

Email Me (with requests or recommendations.)
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





Old Money and Loose Morals… Pt. 3…

16 05 2010

By the way, if you’ve missed parts 1 and 2, make sure to click the numbers to catch up….

With that being said this blog is a little bit more vulgar than one may be used too… so fair warning.

RPG, JP, me, and RPG’s friend all took off from Joe’s to this Irish bar. It was a cool place, and on any given night I would have loved to have stayed there and drink some more casually. However on this night, I was looking to do serious damage to my liver, and potentially sleep with some random slut I found at a bar.

So we were on the move again. We had decided to walk our way to a bar called Whiskey’s. Along the walk RPG figured he needed to pull out some more cash so we could continue on killing our liver with copious amounts of booze and more than likely a pizza at 2 am. (The 2 am pizza has become a particular favorite Boston tradition when I venture out there. It’s been known to happen to have 4 guys demolish 2, yes thats right 2, extra large pizza’s at an ungodly hour of the morning.)

At the ATM vestibule, JP couldn’t help but notice a rather stunning blonde prancing around in some insane heels. I can’t really say I noticed at first because I was busy staring at said blonde’s ass. But then, I caught sight of them, and it just came out. I couldn’t really help it. I had been drinking. I noticed the heels, and thus replied, “those are cute. A girl I dated has a pair of those. They were hot.” I can’t say I tried to stop it. It just came out. Like gay word vomit. JP laughed and asked if I knew where she got them, to which I said no. And in all honesty I didn’t know where she had gotten them. Which doesn’t save my masculinity by any means. I offered to call the girl and ask where she gotten them, but I must not have been drunk enough, because when JP told me to do it, I realized at that moment it probably wasn’t the best idea for me to be call this particular girl. High five drunk me!

We carried on to Whiskey’s. At this point in time, I felt it was time to do some serious damage. RPG got the first round of drinks and we were happily on our way to getting just smashed. Whiskey’s is themed like a country/western/biker bar and so the girls dress accordingly. Slutty. Which is pretty much what I like anyway. We found a spot in the bar to post up in, and our waitress (who wore jean cutoff shorts and a wife beater, class.) came up and got our drink order.

At about this point in the night, things took a turn… I ordered some German Chocolate Cake shots and somehow we got on the topic of porn. I’m not sure how things got there, but they did. Wait, never mind, I do know how we got on to the topic of porn. In fact, I know the exact porn technique we talked about and how it came up.

You see, back in college RPG and I had some pretty colorful terminology. Part of this may have been because we drank a lot and our vocabulary went right out the window. The other part could have been because we were 20 something year old dudes, that really had no particular place where our language would need to be cleaned up. So, I’m not sure who coined it first (I did) and I’m not sure why we continued to say it (cause it was funny) but back when something was incredibly crazy, or some said something that was unbelievable, or something/someone was getting screwed by the man, RPG and I would usually say….

“Are you fist fucking me!?!?”

Class. 24. 7.

So on this particular night, one of us had said something that I couldn’t believe and I replied, “are you fist fucking me!?!” To which JP laughed and shook her head. She then made a vital mistake… one that more than likely cost her innocence. JP exclaimed… “I don’t think that’s possible.” Now, back in the day without technology this would have gone unnoticed or left alone until it could be proven at a later date. Say with a joke birthday gift from the porn store. However, in this day in age, all three of us guys had iPhone and we decided to prove (scientifically of course) that indeed fist fucking was possible. RPG did a search, (which to be honest took a lot less time than I thought) and boom, there it was. Actual video proof, that not only was fist fucking possible, it apparently could be done with more than one fist.

(On a side note, I can’t say I’ve actually seen a porn with fist fucking in it. Now don’t get your panties all in a bunch, I like my porn as much as the next guy, but really I have my limitations. Guy and girl, girl and girl, 3 ways, those are more my thing. You start adding extra curricular to the porn I am out. I like my porn to be a little more wholesome thank you very much.)

JP handled the affair with class and dignity, and maybe a little bit of awe. Who’s to say. After watching the video, we took the shot and got another round. However, it must be said, that these were the WORST German Chocolate Cake shots I’ve EVER had. And I’ve had my fair share of these shots my friends. They were terrible. And for some reason, the Bartender didn’t sugar the rim. I LOVE A SUGARED RIM!!! So of course I told the group that this bartender sucks, because he “left out the sugared rim!” (ps, for those of you keeping score at home, that TWO times I’ve emasculated myself on this night. And sadly, more to come.)

We continued to have half decent conversation about who knows what. This is where things begin to get a bit fuzzy. JP wasn’t feeling great after the poorly made GCC shot, (nor was anyone else for that matter) so we decided to call it a night. RPG’s friend took off and went who knows where. RPG, JP, and I all hopped into a cab to make it safely home to RPG’s. At one point, on the way home it was mentioned we wished the cabbie would put on some awesome tunes for us to get us home. He either didn’t hear us or didn’t want to have a taxicab confessions night complete with karaoke. At this point, JP busted out her iPhone and we began singing the hits. Not well of course, but that didn’t matter. And then it happened….

Baby. by Justin Bieber.

I may loose some readership for this, but I really like this song. And I’m being 100% honest and serious. I love it. I don’t know what it is. It’s pure pop crap, but it gets me every time. Like, every. Fucking. Time. I’d like to think that admitting this would get me laid. You know, cause of the whole honesty angle. Then I realize that chicks aren’t always all about the honesty angle. They’d rather you keep a secret like that deep down, and never speak of it again. I figure this is apparently why I’m single, but ladies, if you’re looking, I am an honest guy, I just happen to have a thing for really catchy pop music. (I can’t help it.)

(ps, This is by far the most emasculating thing I can admit. Strangely enough, it’s also the 3rd for this trip.)

JP and I karaoke our asses off in the back of that cab (complete with me trying to do the Ludacris part). It was pretty fucking sweet. I’m pretty sure at this time, RPG was looking out the window trying to count the minutes till it was all going to be over, like the rape scene in Shawshank Redemption.

The cab dropped of JP, and we made our way victoriously back to RPG’s. Where… we ordered pizza. And it was good.

Sunday morning/afternoon, we got up because we were invited to brunch over at KC’s house. It was also Easter sunday, and the Opening day for the Red Sox. Which we would be attending later that evening. KC had worked all morning long and made a wonderful feast for us to help ease the hangover that some of us had. I wasn’t so much hungover as I was dehydrated so I started off the morning with a mimosa. Which I don’t normally drink, but hey, when in Rome. Once the meal was all cooked we moved our party out onto the Veranda and continued to drink mimosas and have brunch. Not going to lie, it was pretty freaking awesome. Mimosas on the veranda remind me of this video….

Makes me laugh every time. After brunch, it was so insanely nice out that everyone decided to head down to the park and drink. Those who know me, know that I’m not really one for lounging outside in parks and shit, but we brought a ton of beer, and well, I didn’t drive. So down to the park we went, where we saw one of the worst egg hunts in the history of egg hunts. The worst part was it was a group of 20 something’s obviously still high/drunk from the night before. Left like 10 eggs laying around. Of course, none of use went over to get one of the left over eggs, for fear there were used needles or heroin inside the eggs. Plus, we were to busy drinking beers from Red Cups.

After our adventures on the veranda, we continued back to KC’s house were her and her boyfriend BBQ’d their asses off. Not going to lie, it was good to get some more food in me, because not only was I one mimosas, and 4 beers deep, but I had also been out in the sun, which accelerates my hunger/grumpiness/drunkeness. We continued to drink and eat and generally have an amazing day. Little did we know the day had just begun, along with all the awesomeness.

WE made it back to RPG’s house, and we took a minute to change and get prepared for our trip to Fenway Park. Which, really just means we went back to RPG’s and took a shot or two for the ride down to Fenway. The atmosphere was electric around Fenway Park that night. It was opening night, the Yankees were in town, and RPG, and I were getting ready for an unforgettable night. (sort of.) They unfurled a HUGE American flag on the Green Monster to begin the game. Which was a site to see in and of itself, however, the bigger sights came just moments later. The PA announcer geared us up, and announced that PEDRO FUCKING MARTINEZ was home in Fenway Park throwing out the first pitch! I knew we were in for something special and I was not let down.

For the 7th inning stretch, Steven Fucking Tyler of Aerosmith came out and sang God Bless America with his daughter. That was pretty effing cool. I mean Steven Tyler was still alive. Who knew. I was texting with JDub during most of the game as she was at home watching on ESPN. I told her all the cool stuff that was going down, and she half jokingly said, “if Neil Diamond comes out, you can die happy.” to which I replied, “I know right. And then, the most awesomest thing ever happened. NEIL FUCKING DIAMOND came out to sing Sweet Caroline with the Fenway Faithful.

NEIL FUCKING DIAMOND!!!

The whole place went insane. It was an amazing site to see and hear, and what a night of Awesomeness. Pure, unadulterated, awesomeness. And yes, I could probably die happy, however, I’d at least like to have sex one more time. Just sayin.

The night ended on an amazing comeback by the Red Sox and we left Fenway park just insanely happy. Tradition has it, that we roll over to the Cask N’ Flagon, but on this night, things were a bit different. We chose to go over to the Bleacher Bar (which has an amazing view of the Fenway outfield because it’s under the grandstands) T’was my first visit to the bleacher bar, and unlike last time where I celebrated Irish Wake Style, we were in full celebration mode, which meant, 5 jack and cokes in at little over an hour. We closed down Bleacher Bar with some other rowdy Sox fans and made our way back to RPG’s via a cab.

On the way home, we both decided to get some food, and of course we came to the conclusion, pizza. However, this was Sunday night, and not just any Sunday night but Easter. RPG tried to get ahold of the pizza place but any rational person would have known they were closed already. So RPG had the driver drop us off at a gas station, because back in college RPG and I feasted on the bag of chips for 99 cents that you covered in processed melted cheese. Ahhh the good life. However, the gas station was also closed, and I found myself needing to pee. Now, to be completely honest the next few events were really fuzzy.

All I really remember, was being in some alley, and RPG shouting my name, because I took it upon myself to find somewhere to pee. Mission accomplished. However, being in a dark alley, may not have been the smartest drunken mistake of my life. (But shit, since I’m writing about these events I’m obviously ok. High five drunken me!)

We settled in back at RPG’s, and I’m not sure if we ever got any food or not. I don’t really even remember the last 2 hours of the night. All I know was the Sox won, Neil Diamond sang at Fenway, and I was there. It was one of the best trips of my life. And worth every single minute.

After I touched down in Portland after the best trip I’ve taken, I couldn’t help but think, this was exactly what my grandpa had in mind. Cheers to you Gramps.

and ps, how awesome am I that I can have Fisting and Justin Beiber in the same blog?? Awesome.
ps again, I’m not exactly sure how awesome Gramps would have thought that last statement was.

Until Next Time…

Email Me
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





Oh Captain, My Captain…

28 06 2009

Would you believe me if I were to tell you at the ripe ole age of seven, I was watching movies from Francis Ford Coppola?

You’d call bullshit right?

That my friend would be where you are wrong.

You see, many moons ago while I was just a young lad, I often took trips to California to visit my grandparents in San Diego. During most of these trips my grandparents would make sure that my brothers and I had a great time and filled our summer with amazing memories.

We’d often hit up the San Diego Wild Animal Park. Or the San Diego Zoo. One time we were even treated with the opportunity to visit Miramar Marine Base. (It used to be Miramar Naval Base, and the reason that’s cool, and the reason you should care, is because that’s where they filmed Top Gun. Remember the scene where Charlie is dissecting Mavericks flying, and he gets all pissed? Remember that darkened room? Yeah? I was in there. I sat there where Maverick, Goose, Iceman, and Sundown all sat. Aside from my job at the radio station, this is the only time I really namedrop anyone. However, I have since stopped, cause Tom Cruise is a crazy bastard.)

In addition to all those cool activities, my grandparents made sure that we attended Disneyland at least one day while we were on vacation there. Many of my now existing fears and loves are because of these trips to Disneyland.

My love of pirates? Pirates of the Caribbean.

Fear of the Ocean? Captain Nemo’s Submarine ride.

Hatred of the Outdoors and Cold? Matterhorn.

Back in 1986 one of my new loves was just forming. See, music television had just hit the airwaves, and there was one such a gentleman that was ruling them. His name was Michael Jackson. He was great. Billie Jean was the coolest video. Mainly because he had a tiger in it. I had no fucking clue what was going on, but dammit tigers were awesome. I can remember back then that I often attempted to copy the King of Pop. I had a red jacket that I thought rivaled that of MJ. However, mine was a Members Only jacket, and the only zipper was the one down the middle. I felt that even though it lacked that many number of zippers that MJ’s did, being red, it was very much the same.

Much like any kid my age, MJ’s dance moves were legendary. I can remember a rumor flying around school that Tommy had actually done the Moonwalk. I mean the actual Moonwalk. Not just dragging your feet slowly as you walked backwards like so many other kids in school could pull off. (me included.)

Summer rolled around, and it was indeed time to make it to California for the traditional summer vacation trip with my brother. At the beginning this seemed as if it was going to be just another trip to Disneyland. Seeing as there was no internet at the time information on your favorite Pop star was few and far between unless you heard it on the morning show of a radio station your parents didn’t want you listening to under the bed covers in your room. So being 7 years old, I may have missed out on the fact that my favorite Pop star of the time, and all around cool guy, was indeed going to be at Disneyland.

No, not quite in person, turns out that after his 4th nose job (not a stat I’m making up by the way) MJ was working on his new Sci-Fi image and career. Enter….

Captain EO!

For those of you who haven’t seen this piece of work let me fill you in. Disney took the reigns and produced a “state-of-the-art” 3D movie that would be featured in their theme parks. Starring none other than Michael Jackson, and some BAD ASS effects. When you’re 7 people, 3D is amazing. And the glasses are cool. Not only did it star MJ, but Academy Award Nominee Angelica Houston, and directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

No shit. Francis Ford Coppola.

Apparently at the time, not only was it the coolest movie I’d ever seen in my life. It was also the most expensive per minute movie in the entire world.

I feel as if my words in writing this don’t give this cinematic masterpiece it’s due. So with that being said throw on your 3D glasses and enjoy all that is, Captain EO!

and part two

I’m not sure it works, but if you have some 3D glasses I suggest you put them on and enjoy…. Man this brings back so many memories.

I left that day satisfied beyond all belief. My new found musical pop hero was in the coolest movie I had ever seen. I was at Disneyland. And to take home with me I bought the flying little thing as a plush toy…
Captain EO Fuzzball

I can remember seeing Captain EO a couple times over the next couple years. My grandma always sat through it with me, and always complained about the music of the movie. Another Part of Me by MJ became one of my favorite songs of my childhood years.

The good news, I can watch Captain EO on YouTube, and pick up Another Part of Me on iTunes. And even though he may have been clouded by some “extra curricular” activities, I’ve got some fond memories of The King of Pop. He truly was a talented musician.

Plus, everything is so much cooler when your 7.

Until Next Time…

Email me
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





Pick 6… 6 Hour Holiday Train Ride Edition…

21 12 2008

I have just gotten home from one of the worst trips in my life. It was long, cold, snowy, and stressful. However I made it in one piece and my brother got married off. So there are two positives.

Another positive, is finding out that the train station is a hot bed for hot women. You see, my family picked up more family at the wedding, there was no longer any more room for me and one of my brothers to ride back home. So, my mother purchased train tickets for us to ride home, sooner than the fam and hopefully in time for me to make it home and to work. Well, none of the plans worked, and I’m not sure how much I want to get into it. I’m probably going to save it for another blog. Possibly.

So that is why I was at the train station. Upon arriving, and after handing 26 cents to the hobo outside, I felt as if good karma would be granted upon my traveling soul. Well as I mentioned before it wasn’t. But I guess the traveling gods did reward me in populating the train station with beautiful women. After being shuffled around from line to line, I was given the opportunity to have a stunning blonde stand right behind my brother and I. After waiting in line for what seemed to be an hour or so, we got to talking.

Turns out, she, like me, was a train virgin and we were confused as to how boarding procedures were to take place. We chatted back and forth and come to find out, had she lived closer we would be happily married. She’s almost a lawyer (half way through law school) works for giant law firm, potentially setting herself up to be a sugar momma, blonde, allegedly loves The Warehouse, fell down on her way to a liquor store in the ice, and quoted movies. Plus, she put up with my constant berating of her attending Washington State University, which in my book is not only warranted, but you should actually see it coming.

We chatted up until it was time to board where we were both separated like cattle to their impending doom. Had I actually had some sort of game whatsoever I probably should have asked for some sort of contact information, you know, like her number or something. However I believe the distance between us would ultimately be our demise.

I felt like Lloyd Christmas as he drops of Mary Swanson…

So ultimately I boarded my car (term used for each individual train section. Mine was the last.) put on the headphones and set forth cranked out a Pick 6 on my phone.

Pick 6 is where I put my iPod on Shuffle and tell a little story about each song that comes up….
without further ado.

Times Like These – Foo Fighters
For some odd reason I love acoustic music. I’m not sure what or why it is, but I love it. I’ve mentioned before just how much I loved MTV’s Unplugged. One of (if not THE) greatest acoustic albums ever came from this show. Nirvana’s Unplugged is this album. So it didn’t surprise me in the least that a member of Nirvana, Dave Grohl, put out what I consider the second best acoustic album of all time. Skin and Bones. Now I know not technically completely acoustic but dammit it’s close enough. This version of this song is my all time favorite. I’ve also seen the Foo Fighters live, and while their performance, was good I feel a bit slighted that I didn’t get this performance at my show. This version is truly fantastic, and on numerous occasions has given me goosebumps.
An amazing start to a Pick 6, as I stare out the window to the white snow surrounding me.

My Name Is Jonas – Weezer
Back in high school, as I’ve mentioned many times before, Weezer rocked my alterna-teen life. In addition to Weezer my friends we in a band called the Flux Capacitors, and they tore this song up whenever they played it! I may or may not have been a Flux Capacitors groupie. Whatever. Sadly the Flux Capacitors broke up, and Weezer went on to do great things.

Ready or Not – The Fugees
Back in the day, MTV played videos. Shocking I know. This video was the SHIIIIT! I loved it. And racists claims aside, Lauryn Hill is amazing in this song. I’m not even ashamed to admit her solo album was amazing too. I even owned it, in fact I think I bought it, back when people bought cd’s. I also bought Wyclef’s album The Carnival. That my friends has some tracks on it. I highly recommend that one to any one who loves some hip hop. Man writing this and being reminded of how great the Fugees were, makes me wish they would get back together.

I Write Sins Not Tradgedies – Panic! at the Disco
At first I wasn’t a big fan of this song. In fact I used to tease my former boss (who may or may not be in the target demographic for alterna-teen rock bands) that her and my pre-teen sister could go hang out and pick up the latest Panic! cd at Hot Topic, along with some cool Panic! at the Disco t-shirts. Apparently they’re 2 for 1 these days. Anyway after months of harassment from me, my boss loaned me the cd, and I had to end my harassment of her love of bands that were appealing to middles schoolers, for I too found a small admiration for these boys. It also helped that the Program Director for the station decided once every two and a half hours would be good spacing for this song. I slowly resented this song. It comes on my iPod so infrequently, and to this day, I still find myself tapping my foot.

You’re Nobody, Till Somebody Loves You – Dean Martin
First time I ever heard this song, was when it played in the background of my favorite movies of all time. Swingers. As images of LA nightlife are splashed across your screen this wonderfully true song from Dean Martin serenades you and sets the tone for a movie, in which finding someone to love is the ultimate goal. Often times I find myself wanting to be part of the Rat Pack. Those boys not only ruled The Vegas, but set a precedent for cool, that to this day, I believe has gone unmatched. Plus they pulled a lot of tail. In fact, Dean probably would have gotten Hot Lawyer girls phone number or nailed her on the train…
The soundtrack for swingers not only includes this song, but many other big band greats. I recommend the movie and the soundtrack, especially if your needing a little swagger in your life.

Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond
This is one of the greatest songs of all time. And I’m surprised it’s taken this long to make the Pick 6. There is NO better feeling in the worl than singing this song, with some random you just met, drinking a not so cold beer, after pounding down a Fenway Frank and watching the Sox win at Fenway Park. Every time I think of the trip my friend Haggy and I took to Boston last fall, I think of this moment, and this song. Fenway has a special place in my heart. As does this memory. When things are down, when life just isn’t going right, I can always think of Sweet Caroline in Fenway Park.

(as a sidenote, this past year I got a phone call from my former college roommate RPG. At first it was completely inaudible as to what was going on. And then… there it was. Sweet Caroline! But the Sox weren’t at home, and it wasn’t a magical mess of fans singing the song… No my friends, it was the man himself Neil Diamond performing live at Fenway Park. RPG had tickets in centerfield, where Jacoby Ellsbury roams the field. RPG figured I would enjoy hearing Neil at Fenway Park.

I did.

That concludes our Pick 6 for the day….

feel free to email
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com

Until Next Time…





Pick 6.2

30 09 2008

I haven’t busted out a Pick 6 in a while so I figured this could be the perfect time. Again, for those of you new to the Pick 6, I start up my iTunes and hit shuffle, and the following 6 songs end up here. And I discuss them.

First though. I wanted to let everyone know how much fun I’m having with the new iTunes 8. Especially with the new Genius application. It’s awesome. So much fun informing me of songs I don’t have from some of my favorite albums, and letting me know, based on the song I’m playing, what other bands might interest me. It’s freakin cool! If you guys know and like Pandora then you’ll love the new iTunes 8 Genius. You can get iTunes 8 with Genius right here.

With that being said, it’s often known that I peruse the Celebrity Playlists on iTunes often times being pissed off with how some of my favorite actors and such are basically pretentious pricks in their musical selections. However, a couple months ago Riann Wilson of The Office fame had posted his musical list. And whilst incredibly pretentious with music you’ve never heard nor will, I did find one new gem that has become one of my new favorites.

Ladies and Gentleman let me introduce you to the Cold War Kids!

I’m not sure what it is… But I just love these guys. Other favorite songs…
Hospital Beds
We Used To Vacation
Tell Me In The Morning
Something Is Not Right With Me (which if you watch Entourage was the song played at the closing credits. Great!)

(Ps. I am 100% NOT interested in knowing that you’ve known about this band forever. Good for effing you. They’re new to me, therefore it’s a fun new discovery. Give me this small joy in my life. Please.)

Anyway… on with the Pick 6.
If I Ain’t Got You (Acoustic) – Alicia Keys
Well I guess if it’s played I have to talk about it. Damn you shuffle. Anyway, I’ve always loved Alicia Keys. She’s an amazing talent and seems to be a classly lady. And of course she’s kinda smokin hot. Yowzers. Anyone see Smokin Aces? If you did you’d know the movie title should have been changed to Smokin Hot Alicia Keys… Would have done better I assume. But what do I know.

Tears Dry On Their Own – Amy Winehouse
This album shocked the hell outta me. I got it back when I worked in radio and no one had heard of Amy Winehouse. I listened to it on repeat in my office for two days straight. It came as no surprise to me that she won Album of the Year. What does surprise me is that she’s still alive. It would be a shame to lose such a talent, but for the love of all that is good an holy… pull your shit together.

Fake Plastic Trees
Got turned on to Radiohead from my brother. It’s weird just how much my older brother influenced my musical taste to this day. He never did like rap/hip hop/pop so I’m unable to tell you where I picked that up. But he sure did love his alternative music. My love of Radiohead started when a local alternative radio station started playing Creep. I love that song too. And of course I was back when Creep was released I was a yet to be in high school, but already filled with the angst of a teenager to rival Kurt Cobain. So when The Bends was released in 1995 much like Radiohead I was older, wiser and more mature. I of course was a sophomore in High School. Of course this appealed to me. Chicks dug it, it was still alternative radio and that’s all I needed to shed those angst ridden days and fulfill my destiny of being popular. Mission complete! The Bends also has High and Dry which is one of my other all time favorite Radiohead songs.

Picture to Burn – Taylor Swift
I knew at some point that some of the music I have on my iTunes was going to catch up to me. But you know what, I’m not even bothered by this one. I love Taylor Swift. LOVE HER. In fact I may or may not have asked friends, “Hey, you think me and Taylor Swift would look cute together?” I get a lot of eye rolls on that one, but I feel as if it’s a legitimate question. I’ve heard numerous interviews with Ms. Swift and I think that’s made me like her more. Apparently….
1.) she writes all of her songs. Which is an amazing accomplishment in the world of music. A lot of “artists” in this world have someone write all their material for them. And it’s still shitty *cough*Britney Spears*cough.*
2.) In addition to writing all of her own material, Ms. Swift often times calls out the douchebags in her life. Which is awesome. In her song Teardrops on My Guitar, when she calls out a boy named Drew, she really is calling out a boy named Drew that went to high school with her, and apparently didn’t give her the time of day. YOU IDIOT!
Sorry, got ahead of myself. She writes unapologetically and generally most everyone at some point in their life can relate to her lyrics. She’s talented, shes beautiful, and she’s dating one of the little Jonas Brothers bastards. Who are committed to not having sex till marriage, which is cool, but I would have thought completely defeated the purpose of becoming a “rock star.”

The Good Life – Weezer
It seems as if every time I write a Pick 6, Weezer somehow ends up on there. Which is totally fine, because as I’ve stated they’re one of my favorite bands of all time. Pinkerton came out late in 1996 so I was well into my senior year. I love this album because it reminds me of my good friend Brad. Brad and I both played goalkeeper in High School, and we were both very good at it. He is a couple years younger than I am so when the time came for him to move up to Varsity there was some very heated battles between the two of us earning our spots. We both worked very hard often times trying to beat the other one. Once we left that feild, Brad and I were the best of friends. Often times (all the time) I Brad would come along wherever me and the Senior soccer boys did. As I was his ride. Our friendship has lasted, me getting benched in favor of him late in the season. Me going away to college. Him even getting married. We’ve stayed in touch through the years, and I would still consider him a great friend. Every time I hear The Good Life, or songs from the Pinkerton album, I can’t help but go back to my senior year and all the fun I had with Brad, and the entire soccer team.

Flashing Lights – Kanye West
I was beginning to think I was going to go through one entire Pick 6 without some rap/hip-hop on here. Whew! I love Kanye West a lot. His music is amazing to me. His last album, Graduation, gave us this amazing song Flashing Lights. This album came out last year around the time I had planned a trip to Boston to see my former college roommate. I boarded a plane at 6:00 am in the morning with magazines, and my ipod ready for the loooooong flight across America. What I hadn’t realized is that I hadn’t given enough attention to Kanye’s new album. So with hours to spare, on went Graduation. I can’t tell you how many times I just restarted the album to listen to over again. I listened start to finish 2 and a half times. Before looking to my buddy, and remarking “this album is amazing.” And it is. It still is. However this song caught me off guard two more times after this trip to Boston.
1.) When the video came out for this songs it was hardly your typical video. And I ate it up. Lot of people didn’t like it one bit. And that’s fine. I on the other hand thought it was brilliant.

2.) Second, and I know this is going to be lame and ruin much of my credibility, but on the Third season of The Hills, when Lauren was in Paris, this song played over a couple of different video shots of Paris and I fell in love with this song again. I think it was just how they used the song with the video clip, like using the lyrics “flashing/lights” with the shot of the Eiffel Tower’s rotating light. It was awesome.

Well, that’s all the time we have today… hope you enjoyed Pick 6.2

Email me at
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





Bob Saget….

11 08 2008

Man if this wasn’t a kick in the ass…..

So I’m minding my own business wasting away my life on the internet like most unemployed people do. When I figured it was time to visit the ole iTunes to see what I’ve been missing out on in life.

Come to find out, not much really.

However, I do like to peruse the Celebrity Playlists every so often to see who I’m compatible with. For the most part I’m not compatible with anyone. It’s funny to me to see all these tv/movie stars select music that no one’s heard of, and just pick it to be like “oooh look at me, I’m so original, I’m earth friendly too, so here is a reflection of my musical tastes that you’ve never heard of.”

That’s how I know actor/actresses are full of shit. I know you’re were al listening to the Backstreet Boys back then. I know you’re probably in love with the Katie Perry song I Kissed a Girl now. Admit it. No one thinks less of you. Join the masses, I mean shit, we buy your movies, tv shows, etc etc, throw us a bone.

Come to think of it, I was compatible with one “celebrity.” Maria Sharapova. Ooooh how we could have spent many a nights staying up late, talking Russian, taking pictures with your Canon Powershot, trying on our new clothes from the Nike employee store, all the while listening to our shared perfect playlist. *sigh*

Alas, more than likely none of that was going to come to fruition.

However, I got an an unexpected compatibility score when I came across none other than Danny Tanner’s Celebrity Playlist. I’m not going to lie, 90% of this list is awesome. I love/like a great deal most of the songs on this playlist.

That doesn’t mean that me and Bob Saget are going to be hanging out anytime soon. That is unless I get to come over while he visits his next door neighbors. (That my friends was a reference to Entourage. Make sure to check out that episode cause that one was hilarious. And the neighbors were hot.)

Here is Bob Saget’s playlist. (With my comments added.)

Creep Radiohead

I’ve always loved this song. I’m pretty sure my brother got me hooked on this back when I was a little Alterna-Teen. This was a pretty sweet little anthem and the guitar riff was pretty bad ass. Pretty sure I may have air guitared once or twice to this little ditty.

Better Man Pearl Jam

I’m not sure why, but this has always stood out in my head as one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs. I think it came from the Live in Atlanta 3 CD set that I used to have. I used to plug in headphones and lay there and listen to this album. Thank god it was grunge back then, cause I couldn’t handle myself being emo.

Gimme Shelter The Rolling Stones

I love this song too. For one it’s on Rock Band, and we all know how much I love Rock Band. Two, its a pretty sweet Rolling Stones song. Three, if I’m not mistaken it’s the song used to open The Departed. Scorcese and The Rolling Stones go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Look up on IMDB.com how many times he’s used their songs. It’s a lot. I’ve always want to see a Stones concert, just to say I’d been.

Wake Me Up When September Ends Green Day

Meh, not my favorite Green Day song. American Idiot was good and all, but probably my all time favorite album from Green Day was Kerplunk. Look that one up.

All Apologies (Live) Nirvana

I loved this performance. Loved it. I’ve always wanted a huge flat-screen tv and surround sound so I could play music DVD’s while just lounging around my house. Well, I don’t have my own house, or flat-screen, or even this DVD. If i did, I can almost guarantee this would be on. A lot.

Should I Stay or Should I Go The Clash

Classic.

The Heart of the Matter Don Henley

I used to program this song for the radio station I worked for. Good times Mr. Don Henley.

(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding Elvis Costello & The Attractions

Can’t say I’d really ever heard this before. Lot of people have Elvis Costello on their list. Maybe I should check him out.

4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) Bruce Springsteen

I didn’t say I love everything Bob does.

Sullivan Street Counting Crows August and Everything After

RPG, my roommate from college, LOVES the Counting Crows. Needless to say, this isn’t one of my favorite songs and I’ve heard it MANY times. I also saw Adam Duritz one early morning at McCarran International Airport in Vegas. Considering he was looking very much like me on a flight home, I decided probably wasn’t the most opportune time to be asking for a photo. RPG is going to be pissed.

Say John Mayer Say

I literally hate this song.

Free Fallin’ Tom Petty

Never been a BIG fan of Tom Petty, but I’ve always enjoyed this one. I think it goes way back to when I used to skateboard. (before breaking my arm.) And I’d see this video on MTV. He had all sorts of skateboarders on there. And I tried looking it up, but couldn’t find anything, I remember a long time ago, some story about one of the models in the shoot being killed by her bf or something. I dunno. Cool story. Cool Video. Cool song.

Gold Digger (feat. Jamie Foxx) Kanye West

Oh how I love Kanye West. Like a lot. He’s probably one of my all time favorite musicians. Plus this song is wicked fun, and unfortunately entirely true. Of course I’ll never know that, because I generally don’t find too many Gold Diggin women whilst unemployed. (I am now also going to make a more conscious effort to use “whilst.”)

Pork and Beans Weezer

Weezer is one of my all time favorite bands. Although we’ve had a bit of a break up in recent years with their other albums. Pinkerton was one of the last glorious albums they did. Rivers Cuomo brought back a little of the Old School Weezer magic with his solo effort, but something was still missing. Man I love Weezer.

Fake Plastic Trees Radiohead

I forgot how much I loved this song. And upon further review I didn’t have it in my iTunes. Thanks Bob Saget!

All These Things That I’ve Done The Killers

The Killers, are probably my second all time favorite band. (U2 is up there too, I just have a hard time making decisions.) And this, is probably my favorite song they’ve done. Which is cool because Nike has just used it in an AMAZING commercial. I’ve stated this before, but if you ever get the chance to check out The Killers, shell out the money and do it! It’s well worth it.

Intergalactic Beastie Boys

This song reminds me of my freshman year in college. All the sluts were shaking thier ass to this song. Thank god for the Beastie Boys.

The Comeback Shout Out Louds

I had never heard this. Still not sure I like it.

Hit So Hard Hole

It shocks me ever day that Courtney Love is still alive.

The Lady Is a Tramp Frank Sinatra

Who doesn’t love a little Frank Sinatra. I think it’s cool he was linked to the mob. Like really cool. Cause the mob is cool. I’ve got stories about a current singer who sounds much like Sinatra that has alleged ties. Its kinda cool.

God Gave Me Everything Mick Jagger

meh.

Baba O’Riley The Who

This is what Bob had to say about this song… and i quote “I used to run the mile to this song, wanting to be like Roger Daltry who ran in place to it. One of the best rock bands I’ve ever seen in concert. And I’ve seen the best. Hell, I worked with ‘Jesse and the Rippers.’

California Phantom Planet

Is it sick that I love this song? Please tell me no, because I do. I really, really do. I’m not sure what it is. The hook, the guitar, the piano…. ahh that’s right, it’s none of those. It’s Seth, Ryan, Summer and Marissa. Although I hate Marissa. If Marissa and the song Say were in a fight to the Death, I’m not sure which one i would pick. Either one could go. Good thing I dont’ listen to the radio too much and Marissa is dead. ahhhh all is right with the world.

California Love 2Pac

I find it hilarious that this song is a.) not only a fav of mine. but b.) a song that reminds Bob Saget of going to the clubs. I know I’m a white kid from the Pacific Northwest, but I do love my rap. I do love it.

My Funny Valentine Chet Baker

I bummed that Bob ended his playlist on a song that, well, I’ve never heard of. We were going so good there for a bit Bob. Damn.

So there you have it folks. Me and Bob. Soulmates in music.

That last statement will haunt my dreams.

ps, for those that really care, the Roast of Bob Saget will be on Comedy Central on August 17th. Check it out for countless hilarious jokes about Bob and the Olsen Twins.





What’s Happening?

29 06 2008

So it’s been a little bit since I blogged, and instead of writing the obligatory “I’m really busy blog, I’ll write one soon.” I decided that I would just take half an hour out of my Sunday night to jot some things down.

Nothing really all that important has happened lately but I thought I would let you in on a couple of things happening.

Couple weekends ago a very very good friend of mine, Gibs, came into town to hang out and celebrate his anniversary with his wife. I haven’t gotten to see Gibs lately becasue he lives in a very remote part of the state that no one goes too unless they have a job there (Gibs) or they’re hiding from the law. The only reason I know Gibs isn’t hiding from the law is a.) because he works for law enforcement currently, b.) I’ve actually been called by the state to answer some questions regard Gibs and his character. Gibs and I were roommates throughout college so I suppose I’m a character witness.

(Although it is worth noting that I lie every time they call me when they ask if Gibs has any problems with alcohol. And I guess its not really lying because Gibs doesn’t have any problems with alcohol, in fact he loves alcohol. They’re like best friends, and if he wasn’t currently married, I’m pretty sure he and booze would be walking down the isle shortly. That is, if he could stand long enough.)

Anyway, so Gibs and his lovely wife came to town and we decided to meet up last second. I can honestly say it’s always a great time when Gibs and I get together, and this was no difference. The biggest difference was that Gibs’ lovely wife was, how do I put this delicately,…. oh right, she was shit canned! Apparently they had gone to a baseball game before meeting up with me, and Mrs. Gibs was already well on her way. We met up downtown and continued with our usual pattern of drinking.

Mrs. Gibs decided that it was time to finally get something off her chest. Remember the little town that the Gibs live in, well as it turns out I haven’t visited them since they’ve been married. (With obvious reason.) So in all her drunken glory Mrs. Gibs gave me sooooo much shit that I decided to cave and head out to the Gibs family home in the future, and possibly collect on some rewards for the FBI. In addition to agreeing to visit the “land that technology forgot” Mrs Gibs also decided that it was indeed time that I found myself an “honest” woman. To which she scoured the bar for someone to not only introduce me to, but hopefully set us up and marry us off.

Mind you this wouldn’t be such a big deal, and I wouldn’t have minded cause I generally trust women’s ideas of hot, but I also didn’t realize that Mrs. Gibs gets a wicked case of beer goggles when she drinks. So low and behold Mrs. Gibs was literally dragging me across the bar for the most awkward introduction that I may have ever been involved with. I don’t even remember the poor girls name but she was bombarded by Mrs. Gibs and my awkward shyness considering the moment. We chatted and it was small talk, so it came to an abrupt end. Which, even that felt awkward.

It must also be said that the young lady paid less attention to me than the nice young Asian gentleman sitting next to her. And yes, I’m flattered when gay guys hit on me.

I knew the night was a success when I received the following text messages from Gibs.
– Hey man, we got locked out of our room, but we got it figured out.
– Just letting you know Mrs. Gibs and I threw up, a lot.
– What time did you drop us off last night?

success.
Look for the Gibs Family Visit blog coming after July 19th.

As some people already know I can’t stand the heat. And apparently this past weekend Mother Nature decided I hadn’t had enough shit go down in my life, so she jacked up the furnace to a brisk 103 degrees. SERIOUSLY! 103???? I felt like I was going to melt. I think my body temperature is much higher than that of the average person. All of my past girlfriends can attest that when it’s hot outside, I’m THE worst person to be around. There is NO touching. NO snuggling. NO PDA. NOTHING. There is absolutely no way I’m inviting people to raise my body temperature along with my uncomfortable level.

So I do my best to make sure I stay in or around air conditioning. So off to the movies I went. I had passes from the radio station to go see The Happening for free. So I called up Stevie P. and we decided to roll down on Saturday.

Now it must be said that I am a big fan of M. Night Shyamalan. I really like The Sixth Sense. I loved Unbreakable. I liked Signs and the Village too. Wasn’t a fan of Lady in The Water, but I still enjoyed Shyamalan’s style of directing. So after hearing some early reviews of my friends calling the movie the Crappening, I was a little timid. And with reason. The movie is a bit of a stretch. The concept will have a lot of people upset and saying this is stupid. I however, (while I agree with the review of the movie itself, it was a stretch) would like to point out that I have written many times (here, and here) about mother nature and the power she wields. She’s one cranky bitch my friends, so maybe, just maybe, M. Night was on to something. Maybe he reads my blogs and got some inspiration. I dunno. What I do know, is the movie was totally worth the price I paid (free)… and although the movie was a bit of a let down, I’m still a BIG fan of his directing style.

If you want spoilers to the movie so this makes a little more sense, leave me a comment with your email. I’ll ruin everything for you.

In another new revelation, I may have begun a new little crush on Zooey Deschanel.

While most of the world was watching another new little crush, DeAnna Pappas (ps, she wasn’t a crush till this post from The Superficial), on the bachlorette I was busy watching some show called Baby Borrowers or something like that. Basically they take someone baby’s, probably some Mormons or Catholics cause they’ve got kids to spare, and give it to some high school couple who thinks they (the girl) really wants a baby, to take care of for the week. What ensuses is a whirlwind of awesomeness where young girls get the biggest kick in the ass when realizing, “hey this baby shit isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”*

(*official quote from said teens)

What is even more awesome is when the boyfriend (who all of them didn’t want one in the first place, shocking) gets the ultimate chance to say “I told you so.” Which for any young man in his teens is almost like winning a state championship. The chance of being right when going up against a woman comes few and far between in your teen years. Some young men go their entire teens and early twenty’s without ever being right. So when the opportunity comes you men, you take it! You take it and you ride that being right till the sun comes up.

Oh, and wear a condom kid.

Lastly (I know this is long) while I sat at home this past weekend and enjoyed the bliss that is our houses AC (and the fact my parents pay the energy bill…. hellllllloooo 70 degrees.) My friend Alicia were IMing back and forth and she sent me something she found roaming the internet!

The Vitamin String Quartet!

This was about the coolest thing ever! It’s basically just a REALLY good string quartet that does covers of popular songs. One of their latest CD’s is covers of Fall Out Boy’s songs. But by searching iTunes there is a bevy of cd’s and songs to choose from. Here were some of my favorite selections.

Clock – Coldplay
Welcome To The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance
Sweet Child O’Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Sunday, Bloody Sunday – U2
Mr. Brightside – The Killers

There are soooooo many more that I can’t even list. If you like music which I know a most of my friends do, you’ll be sure to check them out on iTunes. Amazing I tell you, amazing.

(ps, allegedly this was found on some wedding blog, apparently Alicia is checking out some wedding blogs. Just sayin.)