Ben Affleck is Going To Be Pissed….

25 02 2008

I’ve been slacking on my posting as of late. I happened to have been in Las Vegas for the last couple of days, so my writing took a gigantic back seat to drinking and attempting to pick up hookers.

And by pick up I mean shouting out the dollar amount I was willing to pay for their services.

“Dollar seventy five!!!!”

Once I shouted two fifty to which one of my lady friends in attendance shook her head awkwardly and disgusted said,

“you’d give that girl two hundred and fifty dollars to have sex with her?”

to which I replied….

“Fuck no, I meant two dollars and fifty cents! I may be desperate to have sex, but that doesn’t mean I”m not looking for a bargain!”

Anyway, if you were in Vegas and got shouted at by some dude with a dollar amount, be happy if you cracked $4.99. Only the select few did.

Which brings me to my point about neglecting my writing. While I was in The Vegas for only a short time, it was damn near a coma inducing trip. Late nights, tons of booze and the aforementioned hookers. Oh, and I did have some of the best friends in the world accompanying me along the way.

After returning home at 10 am, I was only awake for roughly 3 hours. I awoke in time to catch most of the oscars. If you’ve read my previous posts, I love movies. And I love watching which movies get rewarded for being great. Even when I disagree.

I totally think Ellen Page should have won. I mean come on…. She’s cute, smart, witty, sarcastic, rich, “indie,” and my current crush. So I’ll totally kick your ass if you don’t agree!!!!

None of the aforementioned reasons have anything to do with the fact that she was really good in that Juno movie. Oh, and Tilda Swinton scares me.

Speaking of boyfriends kicking ass did any of you catch this little gem??

Thats right, Busey wanted to get a little Alias action! And did Jennifer Garner actually ask for Ben Affleck?? Like WTF was Ben Affleck going to do?

Seriously?

Kick Busey’s ass? No effing way in hell does Affleck have a chance against Busey. I mean, maybe if it was a competition comparing careers Affleck might have the advantage (Phantoms was the shit!) But in terms of a physical altercation, Crazy Busey would just straight up mop the floor with Pretty Boy Ben.

I actually think Jennifer Garner has a better chance at whopping Busey’s ass than Ben does. The only scenario I see Ben Affleck coming out on top (innuendo intentional) is if it was the last day of high school in 1976 and O’Bannion and his friends are out and about paddling pre-frosh with paddles and Busey happens to be one of those pre-frosh, then, and ONLY then, does Aflleck win.
Ben Affleck-Fred O’Bannion

ps this hilarious video also confirms my suspicion that Affleck would get his ass kicked….

I may have started crying whilst watching that video. Any video that contains Harrison Ford, Huey Lewis, Brad Pitt, and Don Cheadle is comedy gold.
Plus it had Cameron Diaz making inappropriate hand gestures.

Classy Cameron Diaz. Classy.





If Loving Movies is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right….

19 02 2008

So for those of you who don’t know me, I can tell you, I pretty much LOVE movies. Even the headline of this blog is taken from a movie. Coming to America. That’s right Eddie Murphy said these words…. “If Loving the Lord is Wrong… I Don’t Wanna Be Right!” I may have substituted some words…. whatev.

They’re pretty much one of my most favorite things in the world. If you want to get in good with me just start talking movies. I believe that most of life’s problems can be solved by watching a movie.

I can tell you though, I’m not a fan of scary, gory, torture, hack you with an effing chainsaw (sans Scarface) movies. I just don’t see a lot of point to them. Plus they apparently scare the women of our country. Cuase as everyone knows, not one of these movies prey’s on the stupidity of men. Just hot women who make the WORST choices ever. Oh and the ones that live by themselves. So I’m not a fan of “Horror.”

Other than that, I love me some movies. I can talk movies for hours with my friends. New ones, old ones, black and white, color, action, drama, you name it. I’m a big fan. 

Lately I’ve been checking out new movies left and right. I love watching trailers and getting excited for movies. If you hit me up on IM ever, at some point, I’ll be watching a movie trailer. For some people this is annoying.  

I like to be informed. Some people love to be the one who knows all the new music, or the one who knows all the new TV shows, or the one who knows all about the history of the middle east or knows ALL the new whatever…. I just to be the one who knows about new movies coming out. Call it a curse, call it annoying, call it an attempt to be trendy, call it whatever the hell you want, I get excited what can I say.

And speaking of new movies, the first one that I’m excited for is Smart People. Starring Dennis Quaid, Sarah Jessica Parker, Thomas Hayden Church, and Ellen Page.
I may or may not have a little crush on Ellen Page. I can’t explain it. I think it’s pretty much her sarcasm and wit. I wish I could have guest writers on this blog, and Ellen Page would be one of them. I’d let her write some sarcastic blog about pregnancy, or adoption, or maybe track stars. I dunno I just feel as if me and her would totally get along and be like the best of friends. We could exchange witty remarks about people, and ultimately just be awesome.
*sigh.*

The other movie that I’m probably most excited for is Indiana Jones!

I LOVE Indiana Jones. Like A Lot!

I may or may not have actually attempted to be Indiana Jones.

Next to Star Wars, Indiana was next on my most influential movies of all time. I actually took an Archeology class in college HOPING it was going to be like Indiana Jones. It in fact was not, and well that was the end of my archeological profession.

However, this new movie breathes new life into a character that is obviously getting older. I am hoping that Harrison Ford passes on the torch to one of my new favorite actors, Shia Lebouf. I can see Shia taking the Jones name very far! Seriously I can’t wait.

Lastly, a movie I’m excited to see cause I think all of us have been close to this situation, is Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Oh, right did I mention its from the guys who brought you Superbad and the 40 Year Old Virgin??? No? Well I meant to.

Plus I love Jason Segel (40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and the TV Show How I Met Your Mother) and Jonah Hill ( Superbad and Knocked Up.)

But the people I love most are Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis! I freaking love Kristen Bell. Since she’s been Veronica Mars all these years, then solidifying herself in geekdom by appearing in Heroes. Yowzers!

Oh, and Mila Kunis is hot too, but I think her crazy level is WAAAAAAY up there. I mean she dates Macauly Caulkin, and that is effing wierd. Like really wierd. That dude is messed up now.

Of course I can’t say I’d be normal if I was disgustingly rich by the time I was 9, and my parents didn’t love me. I’d totally be effed up. Like totally.

effed up. But still rich. and dating Mila Kunis. but still efffed up.

So there you go… just a little rundown of Movies I can’t wait to see.