S.A.W…

31 10 2008

It’s October 31st folks, and where I come from that makes this Slut Appreciation Weekend, in more common terms, Halloween. 

It’s the only time of the year where any girl can dress like a complete whore and it’s is totally socially acceptable. Not only is it acceptable, it’s encouraged. I for one love this idea. I for one am all in favor of this idea. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if this happened maybe once or twice more a year.  I mean what actually happens in the month of May? Nothing. 

August? Even More nothing. 

So number one, I propose S.A.W be held at least twice more during the year. 

And number two, I propose Halloween ACTUALLY be renamed as Slut Appreciation Weekend. I feel as if this will clear up a number of issues of Halloween. 

Lastly, I would like to take a moment to honor someone who paved the way for S.A.W. to become what it has today. A true visionary, a pioneer of S.A.W. Someone who shaped the future and gave hope to women of the future… Ladies and Gentelman… I give you … 

Kelly Taylor!

 

Kelly set a precedent for all future Halloweens. Guys, I do believe we owe Kelly Taylor a huge debt of gratitude. For she has shaped a future like this….. 

This is a future, I want to be a part of. 

 

Thank you Kelly Taylor… Thank you. 

Happy S.A.W. Everyone.

Until Next time…
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





No Good Title…

14 10 2008

Let me preface this blog by letting you know, I’m not the happiest camper in the world. Yes, I know that’s been the general theme of my latest blogs, but now, I have reason.

At least for tonight. As of this writing I just watched the Boston Red Sox play like utter rubbish. It’s a well known fact that I’m a huge fan of the Sox, and as of the last two games, they’ve really left me upset. But I don’t think many people come her for my in depth thoughts on sports. This isn’t necessarily a sports blog, so I try to limit that stuff for special occasions. But in all honesty, if you want my thoughts on the last two Sox games in the ALCS email me. I’ll go off.

Today however as I was away from my computer for most of the day watching the Sox, I come back and have received an IM from JDub.

http://daisyoflovecasting.com/

So I obviously click the link to find out what my friend has in store for me.

Upon arrival, I, like you may have, notice that this is a site dedicated to the application proccess of getting on Daisy from Rock of Love 2’s new spinoff show. I can’t tell you how excited I am to apply.

I have decided that obtaining a job and trying to pay my bills is horseshit. I shall no longer be streessed out about it. I shall, however, apply to be on Daisy’s Rock of Love spinoff. Everyone knows how I was such a fan of Daisy during the entire last season.

In fact, I think I may have referred to her as half retarded in one of my previous blogs. By the way after watching Tropic Thunder I’ve found that I can make fun of people who are half retarded. It’s only when I make fun of people that are fully retarded that I get in real trouble. Thanks Tropic Thunder.

Anyway, back to my new quest of being on Daisy’s new show. I don’t see as how this could possibly be a bad thing. I mean, I’m somewhat good looking. I don’t have any tattoos, nor do I dress in Ed Hardy and wear makeup, but maybe this is what Daisy could be looking for. Last couple of guys we have seen her with have been all decked out and Rockstarish.

The closest I have ever come to being rockstarish was the last time I was in Las Vegas, trying to convience my friends I should get a new tattoo. And by new, I mean my first one. However my friends seeing how drunk I was, decided that was probably not a good idea, and now probably stand in the way of me hooking up with Daisy. This depresses me.

I mean I think I’d be good for Daisy. We’d look like a modern day Barbie and Ken. That is, if Barbie got all strung out and started effing random band members. And it would also pertain if I had a hot pink Corvette and no private parts, yet still wore skin colored underpants.

Last time I checked some douche posing in front of a Rolls Royce Phantom that he walked by while taking a site seeing tour in LA was in the lead position to be cast on Daisy of Love. He’s only got six thousand votes. I’m pretty sure I could take him. Plus if I make it on the show, I could put that on my resume.

Daisy of Love Cast Member
Responsible for staying continually drunk. 
Attempted make out with said Daisy. 
Semi-finalist. 

I’m not sure what new job that could land me, aside from a future in porn, or extensive and thorough knowledge of STDs and gynecology.

So I haven’t applied yet, but if I can wrangle up a couple more than six thousand votes, it’s something I might highly consider.

That’s all for now…

email at,
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com





The Extensions Strike Back….

30 07 2008

Well folks, I knew it had been a long time since I had written anything. I can tell because once every other day I’ll look at my blog and notice on the calendar nothing highlighted on any given day, because nothing has been written.

And to be honest, I feel as if I’ve let you guys down. (my three faithful readers thanks DZ and mom. PS Mom, please stop hitting the refresh button so I get more hits. Your son is not going to be a famous blogger, nor are you REALLY proud of my work.) I’ve let some vital information go on like it’s never really happened. And it’s some very important information people.

You see, couple months ago I had a little obsession on TV that was indeed Rock of Love 2. Where all these awesome little sluts would vie for the attention of one of my 80’s youth heroes Mr. Bret Michaels. Apparently Bret and AH-MBRE are no longer together and the great Extensioned One decided to take his show on the road… literally.

Now Bret is taking another stab at finding his perfect match in the ultimate rock and roller’s test…life on the road! Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels is set to premiere in early 2009.

“We are excited to hit the road for another season of Rock of Love,” commented Executive Producers Mark Cronin & Cris Abrego, “Nobody knows their way around a tour bus like Bret Michaels, and we are confident that the audience will enjoy the ride.”

How will Bret find a woman to ‘rock his world’ when his world is always moving? VH1 is loading up a tour bus filled with beautiful babes and taking them on tour across the country. Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels takes contestants out of the mansion and on the road in true rock star style. This season will feature all-new ladies vying for Bret’s affection while traveling across America following Bret on a month-long tour. The contestants will face new challenges to see if they can handle the rock star life on the road.

This time as the bus pulls into each new city, the girls will engage in challenges specifically revolving around Bret’s life on the road. Whether it’s greeting aggressive groupies with a smile, enduring grueling schedules, dodging the advances of the warm-up band or even stepping in last-minute to fill in for delinquent roadies – these girls will be put to the test. This season, as the Rock of Love Bus heads into America’s heartland, the show will be taking the viewer to a whole new level with crazy, fun, over-the-top challenges- imagine Truck Stop Olympics or a dance contest on top of the St. Louis Arch or even a BBQ cook-off beneath the World’s Largest Thermometer. And also, back by popular demand…Mud Bowl 3. Americana at it’s finest!

(courtesy of VH1.com)

SERIOUSLY??? A tour bus? lets actually take a moment boys and girls to go back and count the sexual innuendo of those last paragraphs… I counted 4. But that’s just me.

With the highest ratings ever to VH1 with Rock of Love, I wouldn’t be surprised if in fact the heads at VH1 were the ones that broke up Bret and AHMBRE. Kinda like some geniuses there decided to hire some sort of hot slutty intern just to hang around Bret and try to hook up with him. Once she finally succeeded the break up was on. Who am I kidding though. It’s not like sleeping with one little intern was going to break up the greatest TV couple of all time. AHMBRE probably would have turned the other cheek and continued auditioning for roles that call for a 26 year old. Low blow?

I can’t wait for this trainwreck of a show. Allegedly they’re also filming pretty close to where I live. Im partly considering seeing if I can’t just make it up to the locale and try to get my way onto the show. Much like I told Mr. Royal one time to tackle LC from the Hills cause his production company was filming at the Fashion Institute. That totally would have made the cut. Mr Royal tackling LC and yelling out Team Audrina…. I’d actually give my entire savings (read: $3.00 also the highest amount a good hooker should be paid) to see those events transpire.

Speaking of my little Audrina. At one point while working in radio I had some pretty decent connections with record labels. When I found out that our little Audrina was working at one, I quickly emailed my record rep from that company…. It went a little something like this.


To:RecordRep@epicrecords.com
From: Preston@clearchannel.com
Sent: January 25, 2006 10:23 am
Subject: Audrina

Deb,

Hey it’s Preston from K103 in Portland. I was just curious if you could hook me up with Audrina from the Hills? She works the front desk there.
ps. any new music you want me to hear?


To:Preston@clearchannel.com
From:RecordRep@epicrecords.com
Sent: January 25, 2006 10:26 am
Subject: Re:Audrina

Preston,

HA… are you serious?

Deb


To:RecordRep@epicrecords.com
From: Preston@clearchannel.com
Sent: January 25, 2006 10:30 am
Subject: Re:Re:Audrina

Lol. No. of course I’m not.

unless you can.


Needless to say I did NOT get a reply back. I’m not sure she took me very seriously after that. Then again, I’m not sure Audrina actually worked there. With all that being said, I’m not going to lie, (although this KILLS me inside) I’m excited for the new season of the Hills. I mean it looks, almost like they addressed all my problems with the other episodes. Except the whole Heidi/Spencer thing. I wonder if they realize that the whole world throws up at this continued high school bullshit? Then again if were pulling 100k an appearance fee I’d continue the bullshit too.

Sidebar: My new goal in life is to get appearance fees. Seriously. I just want to be cool enough that people want to pay me to show up and drink. I’m trying to figure out a way to do this. Actually… I’m just going to do that. When my friends call to ask me to hang out I will now just start to charge them.

Friend: “Hey man wanna go to Kells?”
Me: “Sure dude, it’ll be 100 bucks.”
Friend: “100 bucks? For what?”
Me: “It’s my appearance fee.”
Friend: “appearance fee to do what?”
Me: “Hang out and be awesome. You know, what I used to do for free.”
Friend: “You want a hundred bucks for that?”
Me: “I don’t see what the problems is…. it’s my going rate.”
Friend: “……..”
Me: “It’s a hundred bucks or you go by yourself.”
Friend: “Is it negotiable?”
Me: “No dude. You don’t see Kim Kardashian lowering her appearance fee.”
Friend: “I’ll pay for two Jack and Cokes, final offer.”
Me: “Done. I’m there.”

Anyway, the moral of this story is that The Hills returns to television very shortly, and yes my TiVo is set to start recording episodes.

Well folks, that’s about it for now. I’m thinking I’m going to be writing a couple more blogs this week, because I’m bored outta my mind again looking for jobs.

If you’d like you can now email.
SaracasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com

Until next time….





The Dark Knight Weekend…

21 07 2008

Let me get this outta the way. The title of this blog will make much more sense in a little bit. But first let me tell you about a little movie I saw this weekend.

I saw The Dark Knight this weekend. TWICE. I LOVED it! It was amazing. More times than not I caught myself with my mouth open in awe at how freakin good Heath Ledger’s Joker was. It was simply amazing to see someone command a screen like that. To completely transform himself into something unrecognizable.

I’ve never actually been a Heath Ledger “fan.” I hate First Knight. Never really saw Brokeback Mountain. He was annoying in Lords of Dogtown. However, I did enjoy his performance in 10 Things I Hate About You. I’m not sure how that ranks on the current state of my manhood, but I took the lesser of two evils in Ledger’s resume. My point is, I didn’t want people to think that I was jumping on the critics bandwagon of loving Heath Ledger’s talents.

Nolan’s directing, and Ledger’s performance have given credibility to a genre of movie that have been so long laughed at and and given the back seat to “real” movies. I wish people like Michael Bay, George Lucas, and Jerry Bruckhiemer would take notice of what Nolan did with so very little CGI. Maybe Christopher Nolan should pass them a not in regards to the amount of CGI put into a movie. I believe it would read something like this…..

Dear Directors.
CGI is cool. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. (*cough* vine swinging scene in IJ IV *cough*)

But the whole entire movie comes down to Heath Ledger. I’ve never been in awe of what an actor has done. The closest I came was Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson. I can indeed say I was in awe of the character that Ledger put on screen. Allegedly there are talks of a third with the same ensemble cast, and all I can say is, the Joker will be missed.

ps, go see it.
(oh and another thing, I have developed a crush on Maggie Gyllenhaal)

Well, now with that out of the way, I would like to inform you that the rest of this blog is brought to you by Warner Bros.’ The Dark Knight. Starring Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, and Aaron Eckhart.

I drove out early Friday morning to the small Oregon town The Dalles. It would indeed be two small town visits in the span of two weeks. I generally try not to do such things, for it fucks with my fung shway? shuei? Dammit, now I have to look it up….. hold…….

Feng Shui. There we go.

I got into town as a promise to Mrs. Gibbs from roughly a month ago that I would indeed visit them at thier new home together in The Dalles. My one condition was that if it got too hot, I would indeed not becoming, because as I’ve stated before, I do not deal well with heat.

Gibbs informed me that he indeed did have an AC unit so all would be well in the world. I got into town and woke Gibbs up from a nap when I got in, becuase he had worked graveyard the night before and was a bit sleepy. I settled in to the house and dan and I bullshitted a bit about nothing important. We decided to hit a local hotspot in town, Dairy Queen.

I proceeded to order a Chicken Strip basket and forgo the Ranch dressing I usually get and instead get the gravy said CSB comes with. What have I been missing for so long???? This gravy was glorious. I could dip everything in it. Fries. Check. Texas Toast. Check. Chicken Strips. Check. The thought even occurred to me to get a chocolate sunday and proceed to top it with Gravy. mmmmm sounds good right now still. I do have an inner fat kid I fight off constantly.

After DQ we met up with Mrs. Gibbs at her place of employment, a winery! YAY! Actually I’m not a fan of wine really, but they served beer there so we were set. Plus we were going to see The Dark Knight so I wanted to be of sound mind and body.

Near the winery was a Dominoes pizza and a mom and pops market. We were sent over to the mom and pops market to pick up some ice. Once inside I couldn’t believe how awesome the place was. Complete with locals at our becking call ready to help us. We picked up some ice and I couldn’t help but notice the “Bobble Babes” beer coozie! I considered buying one for Gibbs, but figured the misses probably wouldn’t be to keen on the bouncing chest of Gibbs beer coozie.

After some time with Mrs Gibbs it was off to see the Dark Knight! If you couldn’t tell from my review above it was pretty sweet. So sweet in fact that the whole weekend was dubbed the Dark Knight Weekend. You see after the movie Gibbs and I met up with Mrs Gibbs while she was still working. The winery tasting room was a bit more busy as there was some live music.

There were also a lot of dudes wearing cutoff shirts. Strangest phenomenon.

We gots some beers then the most brilliant idea came upon us. Dude lets get a pizza from dominoes and play video games. Oh and get drunk. And that folks is what we did. Off to Dominoes! It was there, where the whole theme of the weekend came to fruition. Dominoes has a new special Gotham City Pizza that is indeed “cloaked” in 50% more pepperoni. (It also comes in this dope black box) Being the consumer whore that I am, it was immediately decided that we shall get the Dark Knight Pizza and head home.

The Dark Knight Pizza

The Dark Knight Pizza

"Cloaked" in 50% more pepperoni.

"Cloaked" in 50% more pepperoni.

From there we decided to do what we do best. Play video games.

It’s amazing how fast Gibbs and I fall back into our college days. Pizza, beer, jack daniels, and video games. Were pretty ok with this being our life. And we have no problems with it at all.

The drinking intensified and so did the shit talking while playing video games. We busted out NHL 01 for the playstation 2 knowing full well we have much cooler games we could be playing. However we spent many a college nights wasting away playing NHL 01 so it was only fitting we bring it back. After this game…

This Game Put Me Up 3 games to 1.

This Game Put Me Up 3 games to 1.

I was up 3 games to 1 on Gibbs. Which, unlike college, never happened. Gibbs had a tendency to whoop my ass at games a lot. But on this night, I felt cocky, I felt a swagger unlike before. It may have been the Jack, I dunno, but I decided to unleash a barrage of shit talking. I may or may not have included items that included his mother into the conversation. (PS Gibbs’ mom is a wonderful lady, and all shit talking about his mom, is not only untrue, but unwise.)

Gibbs took exception to my swagger and decided he had had enough…

Gibbs Humbles Me.

Gibbs Humbles Me.

I had been humiliated. At one point I think the score was 6-0. We played one more game in which I won, putting the weekend score 4-2 in favor of me. It felt good. Rarely did I beat Gibbs at vidoe games. But the beatings were far from over!!!!

We woke up the next afternoon, roughly around 11 and began to watch Parental Control on MTV. I kid you not when I say we probably watched a good 3 hours of it. What was even more sad was the simple fact that we’d flip back and forth between Parental Control and the Sox game on Fox. We decided that once we were ready to face the day (2 pm) we felt the need to start drinking. Gibbs was on a mission to get the ingredients for a drink he had consumed in the Big City. So off to Fred Meyer and the liquor store to get some soda, and some steak for our BBQ adventure we would be having that day.

We got back and immediately started drinking I with my Jack Daniels and Gibbs with his “Go-Go.” I believe that is what he had heard them called. We, however, decided that that was..
a.)not cool
b.) not manly
c.) just plain stupid.

So with that being said, Gibbs and I decided to call this drink…. of course…. the Dark Knight. Why, well first because it was so good that the drunkeness was probably going to sneak up on you like The Dark Knight. Second Gibbs decided to leave a knife in his drink all day long, so that it would more be in spirit of the Joker. He occasionally stirred his Dark Knight with his straw, but it was mostly for looks. And to up the toughness factor of the drink.

The Dark Knight concoction and Jack

The Dark Knight concoction and Jack

We had all day to waste so we got back to playing video games. However these were not your new fangled video games. We went old school with it and rocked Gibbs’ sit down Mrs Pacman game system. I’m not going to lie, we probably played video games for a good four hours. All the while drinking Jack and Cokes, and “Dark Knights.” We were both getting pretty drunk when we decided to start obtaining high scores on all sorts of games. Galaga. High score ours. Dig Dug. High score ours. Mrs. Pacman. High score Gibbs. I came in, and decided I would dominate some Donkey Kong. Gibbs laughed as I told him I would get the high score on Donkey Kong. Folks, for those of you who know, DK is one of the hardest video games in the world. I of course was not afraid.

Dedicated.

Dedicated.

BOO YAH DONKEY KONG!

BOO YAH DONKEY KONG!

After hours of playing video games, Mrs. Gibbs returned home, and we all headed out to see the Dark Knight again. Mrs. Gibbs had missed it the first night and we loved it so it was no problem seeing it again. However this time, Gibbs and I were already a little messed up. Of course we couldn’t let this go, so we filled some flasks and off to the theater.

At one point Gibbs and I were singing along to a wonderful song by Jason Mraz, when we exited the car, and he turned to me and said…. “we should’ve joined a boy band.” 9:10pm and Gibbs was hammered. I was too so it was extra funny and not at all true.

We proceeded to the concession stand to pick up some sodas to empty out our flasks of Jack into. We also picked up some candy. I was going to go for the M&M’s but the Reeces Pieces had Batman on them, and being the consumer whore that I am, changed my mind. The high schooler at the concessions picked up on this rather quickly, and joined in the fun
HS Boy: “would you like some dark knight butter for your popcorn?”
Us: “yes.”
HS Boy: “would you like a dark knight soda?”
Us: “yes.”
HS Boy: “would you like to buy my 1983 Dark Knight Honda Civic?”
Had he actually asked us this, I’m pretty sure we would have been driving home in the kids used car. Damn my whoreism.

We caught the Dark Knight for the second time. We got out, and Dan and I were a little smashed but that didn’t change our opinion. We got back to the house and all hung out for a little bit and drank a little bit more. about 1 in the morning we all called it a night. I said goodbye to Gibbs and Mrs Gibbs because I didn’t want to wake them in the morning. And with that, the Dark Knight weekend was over.

and what a weekend it was!





What’s Happening?

29 06 2008

So it’s been a little bit since I blogged, and instead of writing the obligatory “I’m really busy blog, I’ll write one soon.” I decided that I would just take half an hour out of my Sunday night to jot some things down.

Nothing really all that important has happened lately but I thought I would let you in on a couple of things happening.

Couple weekends ago a very very good friend of mine, Gibs, came into town to hang out and celebrate his anniversary with his wife. I haven’t gotten to see Gibs lately becasue he lives in a very remote part of the state that no one goes too unless they have a job there (Gibs) or they’re hiding from the law. The only reason I know Gibs isn’t hiding from the law is a.) because he works for law enforcement currently, b.) I’ve actually been called by the state to answer some questions regard Gibs and his character. Gibs and I were roommates throughout college so I suppose I’m a character witness.

(Although it is worth noting that I lie every time they call me when they ask if Gibs has any problems with alcohol. And I guess its not really lying because Gibs doesn’t have any problems with alcohol, in fact he loves alcohol. They’re like best friends, and if he wasn’t currently married, I’m pretty sure he and booze would be walking down the isle shortly. That is, if he could stand long enough.)

Anyway, so Gibs and his lovely wife came to town and we decided to meet up last second. I can honestly say it’s always a great time when Gibs and I get together, and this was no difference. The biggest difference was that Gibs’ lovely wife was, how do I put this delicately,…. oh right, she was shit canned! Apparently they had gone to a baseball game before meeting up with me, and Mrs. Gibs was already well on her way. We met up downtown and continued with our usual pattern of drinking.

Mrs. Gibs decided that it was time to finally get something off her chest. Remember the little town that the Gibs live in, well as it turns out I haven’t visited them since they’ve been married. (With obvious reason.) So in all her drunken glory Mrs. Gibs gave me sooooo much shit that I decided to cave and head out to the Gibs family home in the future, and possibly collect on some rewards for the FBI. In addition to agreeing to visit the “land that technology forgot” Mrs Gibs also decided that it was indeed time that I found myself an “honest” woman. To which she scoured the bar for someone to not only introduce me to, but hopefully set us up and marry us off.

Mind you this wouldn’t be such a big deal, and I wouldn’t have minded cause I generally trust women’s ideas of hot, but I also didn’t realize that Mrs. Gibs gets a wicked case of beer goggles when she drinks. So low and behold Mrs. Gibs was literally dragging me across the bar for the most awkward introduction that I may have ever been involved with. I don’t even remember the poor girls name but she was bombarded by Mrs. Gibs and my awkward shyness considering the moment. We chatted and it was small talk, so it came to an abrupt end. Which, even that felt awkward.

It must also be said that the young lady paid less attention to me than the nice young Asian gentleman sitting next to her. And yes, I’m flattered when gay guys hit on me.

I knew the night was a success when I received the following text messages from Gibs.
– Hey man, we got locked out of our room, but we got it figured out.
– Just letting you know Mrs. Gibs and I threw up, a lot.
– What time did you drop us off last night?

success.
Look for the Gibs Family Visit blog coming after July 19th.

As some people already know I can’t stand the heat. And apparently this past weekend Mother Nature decided I hadn’t had enough shit go down in my life, so she jacked up the furnace to a brisk 103 degrees. SERIOUSLY! 103???? I felt like I was going to melt. I think my body temperature is much higher than that of the average person. All of my past girlfriends can attest that when it’s hot outside, I’m THE worst person to be around. There is NO touching. NO snuggling. NO PDA. NOTHING. There is absolutely no way I’m inviting people to raise my body temperature along with my uncomfortable level.

So I do my best to make sure I stay in or around air conditioning. So off to the movies I went. I had passes from the radio station to go see The Happening for free. So I called up Stevie P. and we decided to roll down on Saturday.

Now it must be said that I am a big fan of M. Night Shyamalan. I really like The Sixth Sense. I loved Unbreakable. I liked Signs and the Village too. Wasn’t a fan of Lady in The Water, but I still enjoyed Shyamalan’s style of directing. So after hearing some early reviews of my friends calling the movie the Crappening, I was a little timid. And with reason. The movie is a bit of a stretch. The concept will have a lot of people upset and saying this is stupid. I however, (while I agree with the review of the movie itself, it was a stretch) would like to point out that I have written many times (here, and here) about mother nature and the power she wields. She’s one cranky bitch my friends, so maybe, just maybe, M. Night was on to something. Maybe he reads my blogs and got some inspiration. I dunno. What I do know, is the movie was totally worth the price I paid (free)… and although the movie was a bit of a let down, I’m still a BIG fan of his directing style.

If you want spoilers to the movie so this makes a little more sense, leave me a comment with your email. I’ll ruin everything for you.

In another new revelation, I may have begun a new little crush on Zooey Deschanel.

While most of the world was watching another new little crush, DeAnna Pappas (ps, she wasn’t a crush till this post from The Superficial), on the bachlorette I was busy watching some show called Baby Borrowers or something like that. Basically they take someone baby’s, probably some Mormons or Catholics cause they’ve got kids to spare, and give it to some high school couple who thinks they (the girl) really wants a baby, to take care of for the week. What ensuses is a whirlwind of awesomeness where young girls get the biggest kick in the ass when realizing, “hey this baby shit isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”*

(*official quote from said teens)

What is even more awesome is when the boyfriend (who all of them didn’t want one in the first place, shocking) gets the ultimate chance to say “I told you so.” Which for any young man in his teens is almost like winning a state championship. The chance of being right when going up against a woman comes few and far between in your teen years. Some young men go their entire teens and early twenty’s without ever being right. So when the opportunity comes you men, you take it! You take it and you ride that being right till the sun comes up.

Oh, and wear a condom kid.

Lastly (I know this is long) while I sat at home this past weekend and enjoyed the bliss that is our houses AC (and the fact my parents pay the energy bill…. hellllllloooo 70 degrees.) My friend Alicia were IMing back and forth and she sent me something she found roaming the internet!

The Vitamin String Quartet!

This was about the coolest thing ever! It’s basically just a REALLY good string quartet that does covers of popular songs. One of their latest CD’s is covers of Fall Out Boy’s songs. But by searching iTunes there is a bevy of cd’s and songs to choose from. Here were some of my favorite selections.

Clock – Coldplay
Welcome To The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance
Sweet Child O’Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Sunday, Bloody Sunday – U2
Mr. Brightside – The Killers

There are soooooo many more that I can’t even list. If you like music which I know a most of my friends do, you’ll be sure to check them out on iTunes. Amazing I tell you, amazing.

(ps, allegedly this was found on some wedding blog, apparently Alicia is checking out some wedding blogs. Just sayin.)





Mayonnaise Colored Benz, I Push Miracle Whips….

5 06 2008

I’ve been a huge Kanye West fan for years. I love his style, his beats, and his lyrics. I think he’s pretty damn amazing. I know a lot of people out there hate his bravado, his arrogance, and his temper tantrums.

That my friend is your opinion. And luckily enough in this country, you’re entitled to it.
I’d have to say, his music, speaks for itself.

I have to say though, after what I saw on Tuesday night Kanye went above and beyond my expectations of a show.

I was timid giong into Tuesday nights show. I’ve seen Kanye twice before. Once by himself, and the other he opened for U2. (Still the number one concert of my life.) The reason I was timid was for two reasons.
1.) Could he do what he had done before? Full orchestra on stage? Could he pull out all the stops?

2.) I love Entertainment Weekly. I love thier reviews, I love thier articles, LOVE that magazine. So when this negative review came out I was a little disheartned. This couldn’t be right… could it?

So tickets in hand, I went to the show.

I couldn’t help but wonder, what the EW reviewer had just watched. The Glow In The Dark Tour jumped it’s way right to the number 2 spot on concerts I’ve seen all time! It was amazing! Seriously amazing, I wish I could illustrate the stage itself, because that alone was stunning. But Kanye came out all by himself and rocked a stage at a hip-hop show for and hour. Performing all the hits that made him who he is, and all the hits that I love that aren’t as popular to the masses.

It’s been 2 days since the show, and I”m still trying to grasp exactly what the EW writer was thinking. Maybe it was because they don’t pay for shows anymore. Maybe it’s because this was a concert they didn’t really want to go to in the first place. Maybe they just like rock shows better. But I couldn’t understand the review.

Lupe Fiasco sounded amazing. Their version of Superstar sounded as if it were blasting in my car stereo. N.E.R.D…. holy shit how amazing were they?!?!? Playing Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes? I coulnd’t have asked for anything more coming from them. Part of me wishes there hadn’t been seats on the floor cause I’m curious if a pit would have started. The beautiful and talented Rihanna came on to inpart her musical talents on all of us. I must say, she’s grown a lot since the last time I saw her perfom in a tiny ass club with only 100-150 people watching. Tuesday she had a sold out arena, singing along to her greatest hits, a cover or two (M.I.A’s Paper Planes for one!) and even her newest, Take a Bow.

All of this built like a movie, or a book, all of this was just the rising action before the climax of the show.

Mr. Kanye West.

I can’t stress enough how amazing this show was. No backup dancers. No fellow artists to help him on stage. Just him and a captive audience. The songs came at blistering pace, which made me and my fellow concert goers wonder if he was going to pass out. But not only did he not pass out, but it seemeds as if he upped the tempo! He took a brief respite while Journey blasted Don’t Stop Believ’n which was a personal favorite moment of mine. The show came with a monolouge from the heart of Kanye, and then Touch The Sky.

This kinda show makes me watn to see more concerts. The concert expierence, if done right, is something that will stick with you forever. Go ahead, ask people older than you, your parents, your grandparents, thier favorite concert or their best concert memory. I’m sure they’ll still be able to tell you with great detail. I can, without a doubt, say that in my years to come, The Glow in The Dark Tour is a show I’ll still talk about.

I judge things now a days, by wether or not I would actually pay to see/go/watch. U2, I’d pay a ton of money to see. The Killers, yup, them too.

Kanye West? in a heartbeat.

who knows, someday when I have kids, maybe I’ll tell them about my concert expierences.





Reality Round Up 4/21

21 04 2008

Hey everyone…

I’m going to be honest with you all…. this reality round up pains me to write. And, really, I don’t know if I’ll be writing another one. Unless I find another reality show that’s super trashy with one of my all time hero’s from the 80’s. And looking into the future, Indiana Jones, Marty McFly, Ralph Machio, Charles (In Charge), or Optimus Prime aren’t getting their own reality show any time soon. Which breaks my heart.

Bret Michaels gave us one of, if not THE, best reality show anti-hero of all time. My hat is off to you Bret. I really do admire you, in fact the thought had crossed my mind to grow my hair out long and luxurious, snatch a bandana from Wal-Mart, wrangle up 20 stippers/sluts/whores/groupies/news anchors and have them compete for my affections just for the sake of honoring you. And ONLY for the sake of honoring you, Bret.

The Rock of Love tour 2 has come to an end and I gotta say… what a shitty reunion show. I’m not even kidding. I thought for sure there would be more hashing of un-aired drama. More cat fights. More stripper maneuvers. More drinking, throwing up, and all around debauchery. I mean for fuck sake The Bachelor Reunion show has more drama. From what I’ve heard.

I’m not sure about any of you, but the part with Destiny really bothered me for some reason. I mean… I just don’t know what to say. I’m pretty cold hearted, and I don’t like people, but I have a huge soft spot in my heart for certain situations, and Destiny’s situation was definitely one. Poor girl had her dad die couple weeks before the reunion taping. Brought tears to poor Destiny’s eye, and had our Hero come to the rescue and console her. My heart goes out to her… that would suck relieving a moment he cherished on live tv.

All were not safe, as Bret brought up the front runner in my office pool. Kristy Jo. All I can say, is that Bret loves them crazies. And Kristy Jo takes the cake for that… TBIC. (That Bitch Is Crazy) Turns out her and her husband have reconciled and are now living happily ever after. No Fucking way! Just goes to show you will the wonders of a reality show never cease? I can only hope. Thank you Rock of Love season two for re-igniting these two crazy (literally) love birds almost failed marriage.

Last but gloriously not least is my favorite coke sniffing whore Daisy. Oh how I love you Daisy. Two things I’d like to bring up about my semi-retarded, mime in a box, fake breasted Daisy….
#1. Was it just me, or did it look like Daisy had some work done… in the face.
I came to the conclusion that she indeed did have work done. I also came to another conclusion that all the girls looked a little bit better at the reunion show. And this doesn’t make me gay, but it makes me look gay. The reason for the sudden turn-around in the appearance of the women… professional make up artists! All the girls had been doing there own makeup in the house and for the show, they have wonderful make up artists, to make them look “softer.”
#2. Was it also just me, or did Daisy sound articulate for once?
Seriously. Like very little hand motions. Full sentences. What in the hell is going on here? Where’ my girl… wheres my “Fricken” awesome down syndrome stripper? I was disappointed.

But the highlight of the show…. that’s right, Heather winning a gold medal in Weave Pulling. I mean for REAL! Did you see that shit! It was amazing. It was like Heather was a former hockey player (got the frame for it) and she pulled Daisy’s shirt over her head so she couldn’t fight back, then went to town wailing on her poor little head! Man! Craziness. I was kinda hoping for some blood, or at least a stray weave… but of course all I got was a broken bracelet from Rikki Rathman… who by the way… what the hell have YOU been doing? I mean Holy Headbangers ball Batman….

All in all, AHMBRE and our hero Bret are still together making sweet monkey sex. Which goes to show you ladies, if a man asked you to make sweet monkey sex you A.) Do it. B.) keep that man, for he is a keeper!

Sidebar: One time back in middle school we were all treated to the annual field trip of going to the zoo. (if you can already see where this is going, your powers of deduction are to great for you to be wasting them here! You must go! GO for the good of the city.*) During our trip to the zoo it was not only a great way of missing school, but the perfect opportunity to show that special young lady, just how much you care by purchasing her a Churro and a Soda and attempting to get to 1st base in the Atrium. Neither of these actually happened for me cause my mom was always too stubborn to give me any money to spend at the zoo. I did however have the sack lunch while other kids got to buy Penguin Pizza slices, Bear Burgers, and Fox Fries. But I digress, while walking through the monkey exhibit holding hands with my current hottie o’ the week, there they were…. in all thier amorous glory. Doing it. The monkeys felt it the perfect time to not only let us into thier wild kingdom, but help explain mammals having sex. Complete with visual aids. Needles to say, I did not get to first, or any base for that matter. But I can indeed tell you, when Bret asked AHMBRE for Monkey Sex, not only did i flinch and cringe, but I thought fondly of Michelle.

Sorry for the sidebar.

I know in my last two Reality Round Ups I’ve failed to mention American Idol, and I feel like a 14 year old girl, but watching two weeks ago (or so) David Cook did a version of Always Be My Baby, a cover of Mariah Carey, that literally gave me goosebumps… holy shit it was good. He completely transformed a girly pop anthem, into something dark and brooding that you could hear on alternative rock stations across the country… it was that good! Seriously. You can check it out at iTunes. It’s worth it.

David Cook, stepped forward to be my favorite.
David Archuletta, Brooke White, and Syesha Mercado are still sticking around…

Well here is the end of Reality Round up 4/21…. I’d write about the Hills, but seriously. This season really really fucking sucks.

But for those “fans” here are some highlights.

LC and Heidi can’t be friends.
I like that LO is back in the picture. She seems like a fun girl.
Spencer is still a complete douche. It also irritates me knowing that they’re making television appearances together. Search Regis and Kelly. OH, But here is something. If ANYONE can find Heidi Rapping on TRL, I’ll pay them 10 bucks… seriously. That was the most god awful display of a rich white bitch from beverly hills attempting to rap. God she sounded just like the way my grandma would rap… I’m not kidding.
Did anyone see that Justin Bobby came back? Ya did? Cool. Did you also notice when he made his appearance, he look like Don Quixote? Do a Google image search on that one…
I hope at some point those bitches aren’t famous. NO free handout jobs, no sweet ass house that no one I know at that age can really afford. I’m probably just a bit bitter.

whatever.

Reality Round up this week. Point. Less!

* Deduction portion of the blog is brought to you by the Comic Book Store Guy from the Simpsons. One of my all time favorite characters.