Rat Tails, More College Football, and a Half Assed Apology….

17 09 2008

Sometimes, as I sit down to write, I think that people who read this blog are bummed when I haven’t written for awhile. In fact secretly I hope this. I hope that in their first 25-30 minutes of work they turn on their computer open their favorites, select Perez Hilton, Gmail, Facebook, MySpace, and maybe some ESPN, or special site, then they click on over to Sarcasm As A Weapon. Only to get their hopes up to see I haven’t posted in sometime.

Sometimes, I’m disappointed in myself. I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed. Which as we all know as being a kid, or having kids, is WAAAAY worse than actually being mad. So I’m disappointed in myself.*

Half the time I have so many ideas running through my head I think I should just do a Live Blog of my life. Although, taking the University of Oregon to it’s second NCAA 09′ National Championship on the PlayStation 3 doesn’t lend to much excitement on the internet. See… I just told you what I did and I”m pretty sure you’re not that excited. So the Live Blog of my day surely has some kinks to work out. But my mind does race most the time. I’m always watching something or experiencing something that I want/need to write about.

For those of you who are a continuous reader of this fine work of well crafted thoughts and opinions, you well already be in the know, about my lack of a job. Well boys and girls, I can say that I have been very diligent lately in trying to find a job. Which leads me to an experience unlike any other that I had to write about.

I had recently applied online for a job working in a insurance company that shall remain nameless. I was quickly contacted by someone in HR from said company. She called to inform me that the position I applied for was no longer available, but they had some openings for another position that was closely related. She asked if I would be interested and told me to go to the company website and begin the process of applying online. I said thanks I’ll do that right away. She then asked if was going to attend the job fair that this company had set up later in the week. I informed her that I was not aware of the job fair, but yes I would be in attendance.

As the day of the job fair was upon me, I cut my hair, ironed my clothes and actually showered and shaved. Which normally is a stretch for me on a regular day. That’s besides the point. Anyway, so I’m looking damn fine if I do say so myself knowing that there could possibly be an interview if I do good enough. So the bar had been raised.

Upon arriving I realize that….
1.) I’m the best dressed person in the room. ( I’m not exaggerating nor embellishing, nor trying to be cocky. I really was.
2.) I was actually overdressed.

My top five favorite outfits of the day…..
#5.) Ill fitting black blazer, dark blue dress pants, and brown shoes. Not that bad really.
#4.) Target short sleeved button up shirt, cargo pants, and a pair of airwalk/vans.
#3.) Jean Capri’s, black tank top, and sweet ass dragon tattoo on the shoulder.
#2.) Black ill fitting suit, with non matching muscle t-shirt underneath. (ps, dude should not have been wearing said muscle shirt. For any reason.)
#1.) Cargo pants, polo, some athletic shoes, and a bitchen rat tail that probably went down to the C3 Vertebrae.

I knew as I looked around the room, that I probably had the upper hand in some things. Looking professional… all me.

So needless to say my confidence was boosted based on my surroundings.
(ps for those who don’t know me, I like to win. A lot. So while at the job fair, I literally told myself in my head, looking professional… me. 1. other people. 0. I win.)

I kept looking around the room watching certain people being questioned by members of the HR team. As I perused the potential interviewers I selected a couple people I felt my chances would be better with. The gay gentleman and the middle aged woman with no ring on the finger. I figure, shit, if I look this good ( and by that I mean better than everyone else) it might as well not go to waste right? So I’m a little superficial, and at this point in my job search, I’ll take every opportunity I can.

As it came around I was not awarded with the gay guy, nor the middle aged woman. It was in fact a guy about my age. Damn. We went off to another part of the building. Did a very quick interview, and said, we’ve got some tests if you’d like to take them now. I agreed and off to another room were I took a typing test and some sort of customer service simulation.

I’m not going to lie. I was acing this whole thing. My typing was awesome. My simulation was DOOOPPPE! So things were looking up. There were a lot of people taking the test so needless to say there was a bit of a back up while people waited to take the test. As another HR person came and got me and told me the results of my simulation, she ushered me back to the room where people were waiting to take their test.

And then there it was…. I was completely deflated. All my posturing. All my confidence. All my dressing up, was completely 100% a waste of time.

There sitting in the chairs waiting to take their tests, were Rat Tail and Muscle shirt boy.

I realized at that point, it was a gigantic hiring fair. The bright side is, I did score an interview.

So there is the update on my working life. Some other possibilities have come up… we shall see.
If you’re not a fan of my sports… you can tune out now… I’m going to talk a little college football.

Time to check in on my top 5.
#1
The USC Trojan stayed atop my top 5 rankings by laying waste to Ohio State. Matt Sanchez and company showed the nation, the BCS, and the Big Ten just how much Ohio State sucks. Which scares me, because more then likely the Buckeyes are going to win the Big Ten and head to the Rose Bowl. Lame.
#2
Not impressed. New UGA, get them to pull their heads out…. they’ll need a lot more than what they showed on Sat to win the SEC.
#3
Bye week for Two-A-Days Tim Tebow.
#4
Chase Daniles, and Jeremy Maclin? Really good. Big 12 on the upswing? Could be.
#5
Dear UCLA,
Max Hall is good. 7 Touchdowns good. Rick Newscandal is not.
Seriously folk, I ate this up. This win was AMAZING. I sent a text to about 5 friends. By the time I had responded back to most of them the first time, BYU had scored 3 touchdowns. It was awesome. I giggled watching those Mormon boys whoop up on Newscandal. Those Cougar football players played so well they could pull large amounts of ass…. I’m talking boy band ass.

If they could.

So in my spare time, I’ve been the assistant/goalkeeper coach at my High School Alma Mater/Matter? eh.

It’s been a TON of fun and a lot of stress. These boys think of some of the most inappropriate/funny things ever. I’ve decided to compile a list of things they say, then hopefully get a blog out of their quotes. Could be pretty interesting for one, and for sure will be offensive. Look for that bad boy in a bit.

Oh as a sidebar, I’m missing disc 6 of the first season of the OC.. If anyone knows where I could get it without purchasing the whole set I would be eternally grateful. Missing out on Caleb proposing to Julie, Anna leaving, (made me very sad) and Julie sleeping with Luke, bums me out.

Last but not least, speaking of TV, look for September 22nd to be the perfect storm of new Television.

As always feel free to email at…
SarcasmAsAWeapon@gmail.com

until next time….


*The above two paragraphs were meant to be an apology to my loyal readers. Albeit half assed.

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7 responses

17 09 2008
sittingpugs

Max Hall is good. 7 Touchdowns good. Rick Newscandal is not.

Is “Newscandal” Rick’s real last name? On second thought, it’s a real last name at all? ever? period?

You probably have learned the moral of the story, but in case it went in one eyelash and then you lost track of it, always google the company before you apply to an online job ad. Or better yet, do a search of the company at RipOffReport.com.

17 09 2008
sittingpugs

Post Script: i added your blog to mine roll.

17 09 2008
DoubleDown

Thanks for the heads up, and the addition to your blog roll.

The insurance company is legit. They’re a pretty big company. They were just hiring for their call center basically. Which, based on my high school diploma, I’m over qualified for.

24 09 2008
Miss E

1. Seriously, I do that exact routine you started off with in terms of the website perusing…well, that was until my job banned Myspace and Facebook…Bastards. But I’m glad you posted a new one!!

2. Um, you’re too qualified for that job, keep it movin.

3. It’s MARK Sanchez, not Matt. But good effort.

Fight On!!

24 09 2008
DoubleDown

1. I still do the same routine, and don’t have a job.

2. Qualification are bullshit at this point. Need money. I’m thinking about selling drugs.

3. Mark/Matt what’s the difference… as long as they get it right on the Heisman.

24 09 2008
sittingpugs

What do you know how to do? What do you believe you do well? What industries or functions are not an option (eg. the food sector and answering phones)?

What industries and functions are absolutely options of not something actively sought?

24 09 2008
sittingpugs

edit:

that’s supposed to say “if not something actively sought.”

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