Gladys Knight, Bridesmaids, and Tragedy on the Dance Floor pt. 1…

15 07 2008

I’m thinking that this little blog may be a two parter. I’m not sure yet. Obviously you’re going to know before I am based on the title. The title will remain the same, but in addition it will have a part 1 placed in the title. That’s how you’ll know before me that this is a two parter.

There is an epidemic that happens every summer. I’m pretty sure everyone is affected. You or someone you know has been touched by this epidemic that I for the for seeable future I don’t think will have any end in sight.

The epidemic I speak of boys and girls, are weddings.

Thats right, weddings. Every summer scores and scores of people are involved with a wedding of some sort. It’s somehow unavoidable. You think at some point you’re going to be in the clear, when all of a sudden you find yourself in a non air conditioned church, listening to a priest ramble on, wondering, how the hell I got here, and do I even know these two people. Hopefully you know the answers to most those questions.

I am one of those people that have been touched this summer. I was invited to a wedding of a college friend this past weekend by my ex-girlfriend in college.

With that being said, let me begin the long story. My roommate from college RPG and I had been in constant talks about him flying back out here to attend the wedding. The friend was both of ours but I hadn’t recently talked to her in a long time. That is where The Ex came in. She lived with the Bride and was friends with all of us. She not having a date asked if I would go with her. I said sure so the “date” was on.

RPG flew into town on the Friday before the wedding. In doing so he set up a little reunion of P.L.U.S. Team members for us all to get together. (PLUS team was Western Oregon Universities Freshman Orientation team of which I was a part of for a better part of 2 years.) So we all meet up at a nice little bar downtown and do what most PLUS team gatherings/meetings/parties consisted of. We drank. And we drank heavily. It’s good to know that some of us still have the good ole’ PLUS team attitude.

To my surprise my friend who we shall call Bam-Bam brought along two VERY good friends of mine that I haven’t seen in a couple years. Mr. Vidana and Slaton were brought along to enjoy this night of debauchery and shenanigans. And true to form, we got the night rolling by sharing stories of drinking, what we’ve been doing since college (or last seen each other.), rekindling old flames, and overall just realizing how much fun we all had together, and pretty much just how awesome we all were. I have to say it was a glorious night. One that didn’t see me reaching my bed till the wee hours of the morning.

So Saturday morning rolls around and RPG and I had decided to meet up and take the arduous task of driving 3 and a half hours down to a very small town in Eastern Oregon, named Prineville. Now for those of you new to this blog and me, you’ll not know, that I hate the outdoors. I hate being hot. I hate small towns. And if you know anything about the geography of Oregon, you’ll know that Prineville is all of the aforementioned things.

RPG and I decide that we need some food. So we stop off at a Carl’s Jr and I knew this was going to be a sweet little trip. Whilst inside of said Carl’s Jr. we couldn’t help but notice the abundance of cub scouts raoming the place. There literally had to have been 30 cub scouts with 5-6 of their leaders roaming around supervising. (I use that term loosely.) As we sat there and enjoyed our food, we couldn’t help but notice and make an observation.

RPG: “Aren’t scouts supposed to, I dunno, fend for themselves?”
Me: “I was thinking the exact same thing. Like, what the fuck are you guys doing at a Carl’s Jr.?” “Don’t you have some wilderness fire cooking a bear or something?”
RPG: “I know right?”
Me: “I”m pretty sure the decline of western civilizationis becuase the cub scouts of this country have gone soft.”
RPG: “I totally agree. No way I’d ever be a scout these days.”
Me: “well dude, that’s cause you’re like 28. I don’t think they allow scouts that old.”
RPG: “True, but still, I mean who’s thier role model these days?” “It had better not be that dude over there with the different colored handkerchief.” “He’s gotta be the one who suggested Carl’s Jr.”
Me: “Yeah but if you think about it, at 9 years old, if someone offered to take me to Carl’s Jr. and buy me the Capt N’ Crunch Milkshake, I’d be stoked, and he’d probably be my hero. Handkerchief or not.” “It’s also probably why I was a candidate for kidnappings.”
RPG “Probably right, but you know who’d make me want to be a scout?”
Me: …..
RPG: “Bear Grylls.” “That man is bad ass.”
Me: “FACT!” “Any man who picks up snakes, bends them almost in half, and eats them… is bad ass in my book!” “I may have even stayed in the scouts a lot longer had a I had a role model like him.” “Needless to say, I had the dude with the different colored handkerchief.”
RPG: “Bear Grylls would have used that handkerchief to kill someone you know…”
Me: “yeah.” “Scouts are such pussies.”

ps, Make sure to check out Bear Grylls on Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel.

So after our adventure at Carl’s Jr. we kept a heavy foot and drove all the way down to the bright lights of Prineville. Our drive was great. It’s always good to see and hang out with RPG. Good memories that we had for the 2 and a half years of living together. There was a lot of reminiscing about the times we had with the Ex, The Bride, and many others during our college days. The air conditioning, the conversation, and the gatorade made the trip very pleasant.

We got to the middle of nowhere and set up camp our friend Jenny’s parents home. Actually it was the “bunk house” is what it was called. It consisted of a large queen bed, and pull out couch and a Kitchen/bathroom area. Not the greatest accommodations in the entire world, but for one night, it was perfect. The fridge was even stocked with beer, so we were able to start a little bit early.

We decided to have a beer, and then relax. The tv in the room had the rabbit ear antenna so our choices of channels was very limited. We settled on watching EXTRA with Mario Lopez, which in hindsight was not the only choice the made us look gay. More on that in a bit.

We both dozed off for a nice little nap. Woke up to our cell phone alarms notifying us that it was indeed time to get ready. We both began to lay out our clothes and make final decisions on what to wear. RPG mentioned he was only going to wear a polo. To which I informed, that it was indeed a wedding, and at least a button down shirt would be appropriate. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I decided to forgo the BR light colored suit that I had purchased last year, in favor of a white shirt, grey slacks, and black half boots. I busted out a black tie that had thin silver stripes in it. If the light caught it just right, it would look as if it was shiny/glittery. Which was good, for I call this tie, my stripper lure. Strippers LOVE glitter, so why not rock something that indeed resembles a little glitter… once they see it, they’re instantaneously attracted to it, and therefore, attracted to me.

Off to the wedding we went. Upon arrival, I immediately felt overdressed. As we were pulling up, I saw a gentleman in a button down shirt, jeans, and of course, his cowboy boots. In addition this man, was rocking probably one of the sweetest handlebar mustaches that I have ever seen. Props to you good man. props to you.

We parked the car on one side of the barn to get out and notice the wildlife all around. I felt so uncomfortable for I was indeed a “city kid” trying to look normal at this wedding. Sheep, Llamas, pigs, goats, cows, you name it. All there. I felt almost like a kid again and was about to pay 5 bucks to go inside the pens, and enjoy a little petting zoo magical journey! All of this came to an abrupt end, whilst passing the BBQ pit, and noticing that the nights main course was indeed spinning on it.

Now, many of you may be thinking that this was/resembled a white trash wedding. Well boys and girls, it was indeed not. We turned the corner around the barn, and saw a beautiful set up of tables with white linens, that surrounded a dock that jetted out into a beautiful lake. It was awesome. The aisle split down the middle of the tables and led straight to the “altar.” It was indeed a beautiful time.

to be continued….



3 responses

15 07 2008

do they really have a capt n crunch milkshake at carls jr?

15 07 2008

i want to see part two! hop to it!

16 07 2008
Gladys Knight, Bridesmaids, and Tragedy on the Dance Floor pt. 2… « I Use Sarcasm As A Weapon….

[…] Gladys Knight, Bridesmaids, and Tragedy on the Dance Floor pt. 2… 16 07 2008 Before you read further, if you haven’t done so already please read part one. […]

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