What’s Happening?

29 06 2008

So it’s been a little bit since I blogged, and instead of writing the obligatory “I’m really busy blog, I’ll write one soon.” I decided that I would just take half an hour out of my Sunday night to jot some things down.

Nothing really all that important has happened lately but I thought I would let you in on a couple of things happening.

Couple weekends ago a very very good friend of mine, Gibs, came into town to hang out and celebrate his anniversary with his wife. I haven’t gotten to see Gibs lately becasue he lives in a very remote part of the state that no one goes too unless they have a job there (Gibs) or they’re hiding from the law. The only reason I know Gibs isn’t hiding from the law is a.) because he works for law enforcement currently, b.) I’ve actually been called by the state to answer some questions regard Gibs and his character. Gibs and I were roommates throughout college so I suppose I’m a character witness.

(Although it is worth noting that I lie every time they call me when they ask if Gibs has any problems with alcohol. And I guess its not really lying because Gibs doesn’t have any problems with alcohol, in fact he loves alcohol. They’re like best friends, and if he wasn’t currently married, I’m pretty sure he and booze would be walking down the isle shortly. That is, if he could stand long enough.)

Anyway, so Gibs and his lovely wife came to town and we decided to meet up last second. I can honestly say it’s always a great time when Gibs and I get together, and this was no difference. The biggest difference was that Gibs’ lovely wife was, how do I put this delicately,…. oh right, she was shit canned! Apparently they had gone to a baseball game before meeting up with me, and Mrs. Gibs was already well on her way. We met up downtown and continued with our usual pattern of drinking.

Mrs. Gibs decided that it was time to finally get something off her chest. Remember the little town that the Gibs live in, well as it turns out I haven’t visited them since they’ve been married. (With obvious reason.) So in all her drunken glory Mrs. Gibs gave me sooooo much shit that I decided to cave and head out to the Gibs family home in the future, and possibly collect on some rewards for the FBI. In addition to agreeing to visit the “land that technology forgot” Mrs Gibs also decided that it was indeed time that I found myself an “honest” woman. To which she scoured the bar for someone to not only introduce me to, but hopefully set us up and marry us off.

Mind you this wouldn’t be such a big deal, and I wouldn’t have minded cause I generally trust women’s ideas of hot, but I also didn’t realize that Mrs. Gibs gets a wicked case of beer goggles when she drinks. So low and behold Mrs. Gibs was literally dragging me across the bar for the most awkward introduction that I may have ever been involved with. I don’t even remember the poor girls name but she was bombarded by Mrs. Gibs and my awkward shyness considering the moment. We chatted and it was small talk, so it came to an abrupt end. Which, even that felt awkward.

It must also be said that the young lady paid less attention to me than the nice young Asian gentleman sitting next to her. And yes, I’m flattered when gay guys hit on me.

I knew the night was a success when I received the following text messages from Gibs.
– Hey man, we got locked out of our room, but we got it figured out.
– Just letting you know Mrs. Gibs and I threw up, a lot.
– What time did you drop us off last night?

Look for the Gibs Family Visit blog coming after July 19th.

As some people already know I can’t stand the heat. And apparently this past weekend Mother Nature decided I hadn’t had enough shit go down in my life, so she jacked up the furnace to a brisk 103 degrees. SERIOUSLY! 103???? I felt like I was going to melt. I think my body temperature is much higher than that of the average person. All of my past girlfriends can attest that when it’s hot outside, I’m THE worst person to be around. There is NO touching. NO snuggling. NO PDA. NOTHING. There is absolutely no way I’m inviting people to raise my body temperature along with my uncomfortable level.

So I do my best to make sure I stay in or around air conditioning. So off to the movies I went. I had passes from the radio station to go see The Happening for free. So I called up Stevie P. and we decided to roll down on Saturday.

Now it must be said that I am a big fan of M. Night Shyamalan. I really like The Sixth Sense. I loved Unbreakable. I liked Signs and the Village too. Wasn’t a fan of Lady in The Water, but I still enjoyed Shyamalan’s style of directing. So after hearing some early reviews of my friends calling the movie the Crappening, I was a little timid. And with reason. The movie is a bit of a stretch. The concept will have a lot of people upset and saying this is stupid. I however, (while I agree with the review of the movie itself, it was a stretch) would like to point out that I have written many times (here, and here) about mother nature and the power she wields. She’s one cranky bitch my friends, so maybe, just maybe, M. Night was on to something. Maybe he reads my blogs and got some inspiration. I dunno. What I do know, is the movie was totally worth the price I paid (free)… and although the movie was a bit of a let down, I’m still a BIG fan of his directing style.

If you want spoilers to the movie so this makes a little more sense, leave me a comment with your email. I’ll ruin everything for you.

In another new revelation, I may have begun a new little crush on Zooey Deschanel.

While most of the world was watching another new little crush, DeAnna Pappas (ps, she wasn’t a crush till this post from The Superficial), on the bachlorette I was busy watching some show called Baby Borrowers or something like that. Basically they take someone baby’s, probably some Mormons or Catholics cause they’ve got kids to spare, and give it to some high school couple who thinks they (the girl) really wants a baby, to take care of for the week. What ensuses is a whirlwind of awesomeness where young girls get the biggest kick in the ass when realizing, “hey this baby shit isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”*

(*official quote from said teens)

What is even more awesome is when the boyfriend (who all of them didn’t want one in the first place, shocking) gets the ultimate chance to say “I told you so.” Which for any young man in his teens is almost like winning a state championship. The chance of being right when going up against a woman comes few and far between in your teen years. Some young men go their entire teens and early twenty’s without ever being right. So when the opportunity comes you men, you take it! You take it and you ride that being right till the sun comes up.

Oh, and wear a condom kid.

Lastly (I know this is long) while I sat at home this past weekend and enjoyed the bliss that is our houses AC (and the fact my parents pay the energy bill…. hellllllloooo 70 degrees.) My friend Alicia were IMing back and forth and she sent me something she found roaming the internet!

The Vitamin String Quartet!

This was about the coolest thing ever! It’s basically just a REALLY good string quartet that does covers of popular songs. One of their latest CD’s is covers of Fall Out Boy’s songs. But by searching iTunes there is a bevy of cd’s and songs to choose from. Here were some of my favorite selections.

Clock – Coldplay
Welcome To The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance
Sweet Child O’Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Sunday, Bloody Sunday – U2
Mr. Brightside – The Killers

There are soooooo many more that I can’t even list. If you like music which I know a most of my friends do, you’ll be sure to check them out on iTunes. Amazing I tell you, amazing.

(ps, allegedly this was found on some wedding blog, apparently Alicia is checking out some wedding blogs. Just sayin.)

Dropping Hints…

16 06 2008

So as I’ve grown in my life, I’ve become quite accustomed to the women in my life being fairly adept at dropping hints.

Sometimes I’ve been really good at picking up on things. For example one ex-gf at one point a couple months before Christmas stated, “Have you seen the Tiffany’s bracelets, with the heart. So cute, I love em.”

To which with my powers as a man, picked up on the fact that she wanted a Tiffany’s bracelet and therefore she recieved one. I was of course the hero that Christmas.

However I’ve also failed many many times in the dropping of hints from women. It’s just not something I’m very good at. For starters I’m a guy. Guy’s don’t drop hints. Guys are literal. Guys say, I want such and such, that’s pretty much what they mean. Of course we’ve been known to be “confusing” but that’s because for the most part ladies, you’re looking for the deeper meaning. You’re looking for some alternate version of what was said. And it’s not your fault, it’s just the way your wired. It’s what makes us, us.

The other reason for failure to pick up on the sublties from women, is because my mom isn’t very subtle. Never has been, and I don’t think she ever will. I think it may come from the fact that she’s lived in a house full of men her entire life. I’ve got 6 brothers and my dad so it became quite imperative for her not to drop hints. Nothing would get done.

My mother is also not very shy. She’ll tell you how it is. I can tell you exactly which girls I brought home my mom like and disliked. So far I’m batting 2-4. While that is an impressive .500, that generally doesn’t get you very far in the “making wise decisions” section of mom hood. Which I’m currently ok with, considering I’ve done many a things to elevate my status of “son who makes the worst decisions.”

(side bar, I’m not some loser drug addicted flunky, I just may or may not have certain issues with the religion for which I was raised. This would be a huge factor in “son who makes the worst decisions” contests. Although two of my brothers haven’t been to college yet, I’m pretty sure I’m still the gold medal winner in this category. And if you know me, you’ll know I do love winning. The only way I drop down to the silver medal is if one of my bros. decideds to enroll into the military. If that is to take place, then it’s the silver medal podium for me folks.)

Sorry for that, back to the story.

I came home the other day to find that my mother had been shopping. I’m not sure why or when, but she has found some sort of fascination with shopping at Goodwill. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the good deals. For example when I was looking for a writing desk for my room, where did she suggest? That’s right the Goodwill. The desk was not all it was hyped up to be but that’s normal.

My mom shops a lot for her grandchildren. (This is a disturbing fact for growing up my mother bought us NOTHING that wasn’t really neccesary. This is also my theory that she is attempting to earn her way into heaven by being nice to the grandchildren.) So among the thigns that are littered on the table are a pair of kid shoes, some hawaiian t’s, some kid cargo shorts, and a nylon Red Sox’s outfit complete with jacket and pants.

She was very excited (as she always is) to show me her recent finds at the Goodwill. The shoes, shorts, and t’s were for my nephew. Which is cool, becasue he’ll be looking fly this summer. However even though my nephew has just picked up some t-ball, my mother informed me that the Sox’s outfit was actually not for my nephew….

Mom: did you see the Sox Warm up?
Me: Yeah I did, that’s awesome! Landon will love it!
Mom: It’s not for landon.
Me: Who’s it for then?
Mom: well I was thinking maybe you’d want it.
Mom: I don’t know… maybe, you’d just want it.. for the future or something?
Me: You can’t be serious right now?
Mom: Well I don’t know, just thought you know, maybe…
Me: Fine, I’ll take it, maybe I have a teddy bear somewhere I can put it on.
Mom: Yeah that will work.
Me: yeah I bet.

So there you have it. Mom started dropping hints. She wants me either
a.) outta the house.
b.) to be a babby daddy.
c.) to adopt a toddler to fit this Red Sox outfit she so proudly bought.
d.) become a “big brother” to an inner city youth.

I’m not exactly sure what to think. Although finding one of the ladies that lowered my batting average and begin hanging out with her again to piss my mom off, probably isn’t the best way to be a good son. But then again, it would probably catapult me to the gold medal podium.

I do like to win.

I’m The Only One Who Laughed….

9 06 2008

So since it was nice yesterday I decided that there could only be one thing to help me past these last couple of weeks…. yup, retail therapy. I had to buy something.

I am a self proclaimed consujmre whore. I’m not ashamed and it’s been well documented. There have been many times late at night in college where a Taco Bell add would come on, and I had to pursuade my roomate to get up and go. (it really wasn’t that hard, but still.)

So as I do most Sunday’s I read the comics, the Sports section, and then on to the sale papers. In reading the Target add I noticed that they had framed artwork of MLB Stadiums, which included Fenway Park. I love stadium artwork, I think it’s really cool. So of course the consumer-whorism kicked in and off to Target I drove.

It was a beautiful day. So the sunroof was open, windows down and top 40 pop Gangster rap was playing through the stereo speakers. I ran into Best Buy, Sports Authority, and finally on to Target.

People of the northwest will hate me, but I hate to be outside when it’s too hot. Can’t stand it. Hate it. People are shocked when I say this. It doesn’t get too hot, too often and when it does, people just bust out all sorts of “we’ve been in the grey for sooooo long, I don’t care that I’m wearing birtkenstocks with socks.” But me, no sir, outside when it’s too hot is not for me… I sir, will enjoy the comforts of shopping and air conditioning. And you had better belive Target had the AC in full effect. God Bless you Target.

It was at the first Target that they informed me that they did not have the Fenway print I was looking for, but another one did. So it was off in my car to the next Target.

On my way to the next Target that I saw what literally made me laugh out loud in my car. And it’s one of those things that I’m writing about, that I don’t think anyone will care about. But I busted up laughing.

As I’m rounding the corner I see this portly young man, not on a jog, not on a run, but a dead sprint! I can only think, he’s headed to the video game store down the street. At frist I thought this young lad would get winded and stop. But then….. it happened. I realized why my young friend was in such a hurry. It may actually have been the destination to make it to the game store, but people, there is no way this young man was making it to the game store at such pace.

He did however, manage to make it at a dead sprint to the Little Caesars mascot on the sidewalk with sign in hand for $5 pizzas! As I passed this beautiful couple, which could only be explained as watching a cheesy movie where the couple had not see each other and go running towards each other in a lavish field, there was a beautiful moment where a running/jumping high five was exchanged. Which was met with what I can only imgaine was a shout of glee.


Unfortunately this is not the kid with the masoct.

These little instances people are what make my day.

I wonder if he made it to the Video Game Shop.

Mayonnaise Colored Benz, I Push Miracle Whips….

5 06 2008

I’ve been a huge Kanye West fan for years. I love his style, his beats, and his lyrics. I think he’s pretty damn amazing. I know a lot of people out there hate his bravado, his arrogance, and his temper tantrums.

That my friend is your opinion. And luckily enough in this country, you’re entitled to it.
I’d have to say, his music, speaks for itself.

I have to say though, after what I saw on Tuesday night Kanye went above and beyond my expectations of a show.

I was timid giong into Tuesday nights show. I’ve seen Kanye twice before. Once by himself, and the other he opened for U2. (Still the number one concert of my life.) The reason I was timid was for two reasons.
1.) Could he do what he had done before? Full orchestra on stage? Could he pull out all the stops?

2.) I love Entertainment Weekly. I love thier reviews, I love thier articles, LOVE that magazine. So when this negative review came out I was a little disheartned. This couldn’t be right… could it?

So tickets in hand, I went to the show.

I couldn’t help but wonder, what the EW reviewer had just watched. The Glow In The Dark Tour jumped it’s way right to the number 2 spot on concerts I’ve seen all time! It was amazing! Seriously amazing, I wish I could illustrate the stage itself, because that alone was stunning. But Kanye came out all by himself and rocked a stage at a hip-hop show for and hour. Performing all the hits that made him who he is, and all the hits that I love that aren’t as popular to the masses.

It’s been 2 days since the show, and I”m still trying to grasp exactly what the EW writer was thinking. Maybe it was because they don’t pay for shows anymore. Maybe it’s because this was a concert they didn’t really want to go to in the first place. Maybe they just like rock shows better. But I couldn’t understand the review.

Lupe Fiasco sounded amazing. Their version of Superstar sounded as if it were blasting in my car stereo. N.E.R.D…. holy shit how amazing were they?!?!? Playing Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes? I coulnd’t have asked for anything more coming from them. Part of me wishes there hadn’t been seats on the floor cause I’m curious if a pit would have started. The beautiful and talented Rihanna came on to inpart her musical talents on all of us. I must say, she’s grown a lot since the last time I saw her perfom in a tiny ass club with only 100-150 people watching. Tuesday she had a sold out arena, singing along to her greatest hits, a cover or two (M.I.A’s Paper Planes for one!) and even her newest, Take a Bow.

All of this built like a movie, or a book, all of this was just the rising action before the climax of the show.

Mr. Kanye West.

I can’t stress enough how amazing this show was. No backup dancers. No fellow artists to help him on stage. Just him and a captive audience. The songs came at blistering pace, which made me and my fellow concert goers wonder if he was going to pass out. But not only did he not pass out, but it seemeds as if he upped the tempo! He took a brief respite while Journey blasted Don’t Stop Believ’n which was a personal favorite moment of mine. The show came with a monolouge from the heart of Kanye, and then Touch The Sky.

This kinda show makes me watn to see more concerts. The concert expierence, if done right, is something that will stick with you forever. Go ahead, ask people older than you, your parents, your grandparents, thier favorite concert or their best concert memory. I’m sure they’ll still be able to tell you with great detail. I can, without a doubt, say that in my years to come, The Glow in The Dark Tour is a show I’ll still talk about.

I judge things now a days, by wether or not I would actually pay to see/go/watch. U2, I’d pay a ton of money to see. The Killers, yup, them too.

Kanye West? in a heartbeat.

who knows, someday when I have kids, maybe I’ll tell them about my concert expierences.

Coming To Terms With It….

2 06 2008

So after a huge dissapointement in my life last week, I took some time to reflect on some things. Nothing actually came of it, because by reflect I actually mean, played a lot of viedo games. A LOT. That is besides the point. The point being is I wrote this blog a long time ago on MySpace, and I thought I would just bring it on over to my new site. For some of you this will be old, for others this will be brand new. Either way, it’s one of my favorites so I hope you enjoy.

Without further ado……

The world is really a cruel place. Some of my friends that maybe a little older may have already come to terms with this. Divorce, college loans, bills, accidnets, break ups, and the cancellation of Charles in Charge all come at blistering pace and remind you that sometimes life isn’t fair…

I’m not complaing (in theroy) I’m looking back on to my life and realizing, I should have been more prepared for life and it’s curve balls. Let’s go back, maybe it was my car accident when i was 16. Or the broken arm when i was 8. Yes, these taught me valuable lesson, but niether of these, or the myriad of other curves balls clued me into the fact that the world is a cruel place.

Back in the day, and some of my younger friends may not be able to grasp the true nature of this blog, and some friends that are of age, will look back on to the same example and curse the world with me…

Crocodile Mile. You see I loved Crocodile Mile. I loved the commercial to no end…. I mean who wouldn’t, “YOU RUN, YOU SLIDE, YOU HIT THE BUMP AND TAKE A DIIIIIIIIIVE!!!” (all of this of course is sung with a sweet little jingle that i know everyone just heard in their head.)

Imagine my surprise when one summer, my mom being the wonderful woman that she is, purchased a Crocodile Mile for fun in the sun. I could barely contain myself when opening the package. I couldn’t wait to Run, Slide, Hit the bump, and take a dive. After 15 minutes of setup, there it was in all it’s yellow glory!! Ready for an EXTREME summer, where all the cool kids would wanting to be my friend! (This was in fact a huge draw, because back in the day I was a loser.) In families of more than one kid, older brother rules apply… which means the older brother always gets to go first. So of course my anticipation was building even more for my turn…. and here it came!

I can remember the first run down the glorious Crocodile Mile. I took off in a mad sprint that Carl Lewis would have envied. I dove head first, arms outstretched, preparing myself, to hit the bump and take a dive! Here it came…. closer and closer…. and finally…. i hit the bump.

Now wait a second! What the FUCK was that?!?!? This isn’t what happened on the comercial, and why the hell is my side bleeding!

You see life isn’t fair. The “pool” you supposedly land in is a foot and a half wide, and roughly 6 inches deep! In addition to the bird bath for a pool, the Crocodile Mile stricly states to clear all foregin objest where you lay it down… What they don’t say is “becuase our so called pool is too small to actually take a dive, you will clear it therefore sliding straight into whatever is beyond the Crocodile Mile. Hence the uncleared area, full of rocks, twigs, and whatever else you just threw there, cause you figured the pool would catch you.

You see people the world is a cruel place. People lie. People steal. College loans take forever to pay off, significant others will dump you, and your favorite tv show WILL be cancelled. But the deepest pain of all is realizing the Crocodile Mile is a sham.

(that and pulling the rock out of your skin.)