Bitches Wittier Than I.

26 02 2008

This whole blogoshpere world is new to me.

I mean I came from MySpace where little 12 year olds and people I’d known and talked shit about in high school read my blogs.

Now I’m a little more grown up and writing to the masses of people who constantly look for approval. Or just want to get something off their chest.

I can understand.

I’ve got millions of stories that I think could fill the pages of a blog.The key I suppose is how to relate to people.

You see, I pretty much hate people. I think a lot of people are stupid. I think America is creating an entire legion of stupid people. Hence why I use a lot of Sarcasm. Stupid people don’t get it. They think I’m being serious.

Like for example. In the airport on my way out of Vegas, my friends and I were all in the security line. Seperated by the retractable nylon rope, a young kid who had apparently just accomplished something shouted….. “I DID IT!”

to which I replied (albiet drunk/hungover/sleepily/sarcastically) “Yeah ya did.”

Now, people with above intellegence would have caught on to my subtle congratulatory way of rewarding this young spawn of stupid in a job well done! He haddone it. Although the it, is still in question.

Well Spawn of Stupids mother, Stupid, was none to please with my subtle congratulations to a job well done. She replied snidely “Yeah YOU did.” and shot me a menacing look.

I felt a strain on our relationship.

But this is just another example of how my sarcasm is left unrewarded. How I feel isolated in a world where because of the failing educational system in america people will slowly never know what it’s like to appreciate sarcasm.
Here are the top 5 reasons why people will never harness the power of sarcasm.
1.)Text messages. You can’t pick up on Sarcasm in text messages. Unless it’s from me, then 99% of mine are laced with it.

2.)IM Chats. My friends and have a special color for sarcasm. Kids these days are too lazy to do that.

3.) Email. You can’t say to your boss “you’re a dick” in an email without him thinking you’re serious.

4.) School. I don’t think the schools teach English anymore. Literally.

5.) Reality TV. Prime example is when Elodie congratulated the backstabbing Heidi (who just jacked her job) And Heidi was thankful. It was pure gold. Bitch thought she was serious in congratulating her. That my friends is sarcasm at its finest.

Anyway… I know this has gone on long enough. And it may even be a bit non-senseical (which I’m not sure is even a word) but I give credit where credit is due. People who use sarcasm should always be rewarded.

So here are some people (through the world of blogs) I have found to be sarcastic, and for the most part… wittier than I am. I some respects I feel like Anakin Skywalker as a boy and not realizing my potential. These people/blogs are Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

enjoy!
The Letter D: Best of D
The Superficial -Because You’re Ugly
Everything is Wrong With Me 

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