Fallen Hero

18 02 2008

Some years ago a little television channel actually played music videos. They called themselves MTV.

Music Television.

It was glorious. I can remember the days of waiting for the top 1o so I could call in and vote for my favorite video.   At the time, I think the current champ was Def Leppard with Pour Some Sugar on Me. Loved that song and loved that video. I think it was #1 so long it would have gotten the boot on TRL. If TRL had existed.

Def Leppard had won my heart, as did another 80′s hair band. Poison. (Actually a lot of hair bands dominated my life. But I’m trying not to scare anyone away.) I loved Poison. They were awesome. They ARE awesome. Bret Michaels was the definition of cool.

The long hair, the suggestive lyrics, the scantily clad women in his videos. It was everything a pre-pubescent male could ever ask for. Had I actually been old enough to pick up on sexual innuendo, Poison would have solidified themselves and coolest thing about being 9 years old. (The Nintendo Entertainment System grabbed a hold of that top spot for various reasons.)

Flash forward to 2007. One of the greatest reality shows to hit the airwaves! Rock of Love. If you’ve haven’t seen it, you should. It’s a train-wreck of a show with one of my pre-pubescent heros Bret Michaels. He’s basically trying to find love. Or a hot little thing to sleep with for awhile.

Which I believe came to fruition when he nailed first season winner Jes. Rock of Love Winner Jes
Who I actually picked to win last year. (p.s. the reason I picked her to win, was not because she was the most compatible with Bret, but because she was the hottest. And sometimes folks, hotness trumps compatibility. Take that Eharmony!)

So anyway, much was my excitement when I was told of a Rock of Love Season 2. [Now airing on VH1 on Sundays.] I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t followed as closely as I did season 1. But I have Tivo’ed most of the episodes. So much to my excitement I set some time aside today to catch up on my missed episodes of Rock of Love Season 2.

I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in my Hero Bret Michaels. I thought for sure, this season of Rock of Love would bring even hotter women. Skankier women. Women who just wanted to be on a reality show. Women with lose morals, and a low tolerence for drinking. Well to my dismay, the show actually brought along ALL those types of women.

Except hot. And I’m being serious. Like not hot at all.
Heres our girl Catherine….
Rock of Love Season 2 Catherine
While not exactly the ugliest of the group, I’m pretty sure she’s got grandkids somewhere. I’m putting 10 bucks on the fact, that she may have been my friends mom, that was enabling us to call MTV to vote for our favorite video. And I must admit, I do like the feathered hair, WITH bangs. I believe it’s something only a Glamour Shots Professional can achieve.

Heres one of my favorites… Daisy.
Rock of Love Season 2 Daisy
Now, some may find our little Daisy to be attractive. And by attractive I mean slutty. I can’t help it, I only call it as I see it. I’m sure she’s an extremely nice girl to all she meets, but people, come on. If you’ve been watching the show and you’ve seen the episode where Daisy puts on a lingerie fashion show for our hero Bret, then you’ll know exactly why Daisy is still around. Reminds me much of that dating show, ElimiDATE. If you were a smart dude, you’d keep the slut around till the final elimination, then see what she’d do (slut wise), the eliminate her, and take home the nice girl. Hate to say it Daisy, but you’re pretty much on ElimiDATE.

Next of course is Peyton. Who by all accounts should also be my friends mom, smoking a cigarette, drinking bourbon on the rocks while her boyfriend “Don” fixes his T-Bird.
Rock of Love Season 2 Peyton
Wait a second?!?!? Is it just me… or is Peyton actually Richie Sambora??
Richie Sambora
Quick!! Someone find out if they’ve ever seen Peyton or Richie Sambora at the same place at the same time!!!!

This my friends is where I lose my faith in Bret Michaels. You see last year, Bret’s Roadie John did the picking of all the women who were allowed to be in the house. So I can actually fault Big John for messing up a good thing. Find hot women. How hard could that be. Well Big John did us fans a huge disfavor by not selecting that many hot girls. But I will give him credit. He picked more than Bret did. In fact, as I’ve previously stated, Bret let me down. Bret picked this girl to stay… the lovely Albine…
Rock of Love Season 2 Albine
I just….
I dont know. I’m at a loss for words. I know when people get drunk their decision making goes all to hell. But Bret?!?!? How drunk where you? The selection show MUST have come after a three day bender! PLEASE TELL ME IT CAME AFTER A 3 DAY BENDER!!! Please restore some faith I once had in you.
If Bret was indeed drunk then I’ll give Bret some credit….
Boobs

After weeding out all the lost causes at the Rock of Love mansion, I did however settle on a winner. I picked her once again cause she is hot. And as we learned earlier hotness, trumps compatibility sometimes.

In this case, I think it’s more of this scenario….

OK I have to choose for THESE girls??? Damn. Ummm Alright… You.. Yeah You! You’re not the hottest girl I’ve ever seen, but you’re hotter than you’re surroundings. You win. Now get some whiskey.
Rock of Love Season 2 Kristine

In all fairness, she may be the hottest, but then again, I also think she’s a germ-a-phobe, retraining ordering, playboy posing, crazy. Like “that bitch is crazy,” crazy.

Then again…. the hot ones always are.


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2 responses

25 02 2008
JDub

Oh Rock of Love, thank heavens for coming into my life. While I initally resisted the temptation I am now quite open with admitting I regularly DVR this bad boy.

Nothing beats the Richie Sambora/Peyton comparison…that and insinuating “Don” is fixing his T-Bird while Peyton powers through another pack of Menthols.

I get that you heart Bret Michaels, but the man should be thankful for the rare hottie he does get because his diabetic shock, fake haired, plastic surgery face doesn’t exactly prompt many young women into fits of desire…and if it does…well those girls are bound to be BIC “bitch is crazy” status.

3 09 2008
Sanja

the french one is NASTY.. haha

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